Healing in holy week.

Holy week is a remarkable time in the Christian calendar, a time when we reflect on the last week of Jesus’ life on earth and beyond. When you read the gospel narratives with fresh eyes, there is so much to take in, times of excitement, the unexpected, of questioning, betrayal, violence, tragedy, and then possibilities of forgiveness and hope. It is a really incredible story, told with so much detail and emotion.

In this season, you want everyone to read the story for themselves ( eg to read Mark chapter 11-14), or to watch a film- Jesus of Nazareth, or even an old classic like Ben Hur. It helps us to not just think about the story, but to imagine what it must have been like.

We think of Palm Sunday, with Jesus coming into Jerusalem on a donkey, the crowds cheering and shouting ‘Hosanna to the king’. During the week, Jesus comes into the temple and rebukes the money changers, overturning their tables, saying ‘ my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations, but you have made it into a den of thieves’. ( Mark 11:17)

We reflect on Maundy Thursday and the last supper, the bread and wine shared with Judas, the one who went out into the night. Then there was the arrest in Gethsemane, the questioning and beating, even though the Roman Govenor Pontius Pilate said that Jesus was innocent, and done nothing wrong.

Good Friday, the crown of thorns, Jesus was too weak to carry his cross to Gethsemane, so Simon of Cyrene was made to carry it for him. Jesus on the cross, the agony, the suffering, the 7 sayings including ‘ Father, forgive them because they do not know what they are doing.’ (Luke 23:34)

Then Jesus breathing his last breath, the women and John standing near by. The centurion saying ‘ Surely this was the Son of God’. Joseph of Arimathea, taking the body and placing it in a tomb nearby.

Holy Saturday- the day of silence.

Early Sunday morning, the women came to anoint Jesus’ body with oil, but the stone was rolled away, and Jesus was Risen, just as he said. And as a consequence of all this, people who trust Him are given the assurance of everlasting life.

If we ever think that Jesus doesn’t understand human suffering, we need to read the Easter story.

If we ever thing we have to be good to follow Jesus, think of the mistakes of Peter, yet forgiveness and grace was shown to him because of the cross.

If we ever despair of this world, we are reminded that out of the darkest places of pain, the new life can emerge.

If we are hurting and worried, we remenber the verse from Isaiah 53:5 ‘by his wounds we are healed’. Through the mercy shown to us on the cross, love flows out, offering us forgiveness and healing and grace, so we can find our peace.

In Holy week, there is so much to take in, the nature of God, the power of His love, the beauty of His undeserved forgiveness. And so we kneel and marvel…

Gracious God, sometimes we feel far from You, we question, we lament- why is the world as it is? Yet in Holy week Lord Jesus, we are reminded that You understand injustice, suffering, pain and betrayal. When you were accused, You kept silent. You gave up Your life, that we might find forgiveness, grace and hope. We are so undeserving, yet You show us such tender love. Holy spirit, come to us this holy week, bring us a clearer understanding, a deeper experience of your love, and a renewed sense of purpose for the future, to share Your message of love and healing with all. Amen

Lent and poetry.

Lent is a time of questioning and reflection- such a meaningful time in the Christian calendar. We think of Jesus in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights, of the temptations he faced in this wilderness time. And we make space to take time out to reflect in prayer and meditation. We pray that God will transform us in the wilderness, and bring us closer to Christ.

There are many bible readings, meditations and Christian apps which give us meaningful tools to help us in our prayer. One resource that perhaps we don’t speak of enough is poetry. There are amazing poets over the centuries, from George Herbert, to John Milton, from Gerald Manley Hopkins to Mary Oliver. Their poems can inspire awe, acknowlege complex emotions, and a deep reverence for God.

When it comes to Lent, the poet I always return to is TS Eliot, the poet who wrote ‘the Wasteland’ in 1922. It is not an easy poet to interpret with all its historical and literary allusions, but it is a poem to feel- it is written after the horrors of the first world war, and capures that feeling of alienation, sorrow and the emptiness of life.

Other poems of TS Eliot are ‘Ash Wednesday’ and ‘The Four Quartets’. ‘Ash Wednesday’ expresses some of the turbulence of faith, but ends with the words ‘And let my cry come unto Thee’. In the Four Quartets, in section V of ‘Little Gidding’ there are the following lines;

‘We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time.’

This seems such a profound description of life- we go on all these adventures, we have the experiences good and bad. And in the end the insights we gain, the things we learn, come full circle, and we see everything in a new light, with fresh perspective.

In the desert, we have the opportunity to walk closely with God, and to let some things go as no longer being as significant as we thought, and to rediscover the power of love, mercy and forgiveness. It was the holy spirit who led Jesus into the desert, and who leads us in our lives to draw closer to Him. Poetry might not be for everyone, but it can be a resource to helps us articulate our struggles, our fears and our doubts, and to know that we are not alone as we do so.

Creator God, we thank You that You are in all things, from the rivers of tranquility and peace, to the dry, harsh heat of the desert. Lord Jesus, we thank you that You bless us with everything we need in season, from times of solace, to times of trial and temptation, and You understand our struggles. When we are questioning or feel alone, send your Holy Spirit to speak to us, though Your Word, though art, poetry and theatre. Remind us that our lives have meaning and value, even when we can’t see it. Whatever we are going though, give us fresh insight, a motivation to live in relationship to You, to pray, and may our cries come unto You.

Playing giant tetris with boxes!

I have been a little quiet recently, as moving house was a tiny bit more stressful than I anticipated. After my painting phase, I have moved onto my redistributing boxes period. Strangely I seem to have more boxes than space. You move one tower of containers from one side of the room to another, only to find that more boxes have mysteriously appeared in their wake. You empty one pile, placing everything in their appropriate place, and you have 7 items for one cupboard, and only 2 for the one beside it. Do you reorganise your labels and definitions? And what do you do with the many miscellaneous items where do they live. Indeed, should they still reside under my roof at all?

This is not the worst problem to encounter in life I admit, but putting things in a manageable order can really help. It is less stressful, more pleasant and good for the soul.

Sometimes it seems important to be organised where possible, to distract us from the lack of control we have in our lives. We want our enviroment to be orderly, so we can pretend that all is well.

Yet in our heart of hearts, we acknowledge the unpredictability of life, of confusion and questionning, of pain and tragedy. There are so many vulnerabilities in our lives- guilt over something from the past, trying to cope responsibly with work pressures, caring for that sick relative. There are things that happen that are unforseen, and which we just couldn’t prepare for.

I remember the verse in 1 Corinthians 14: 33 ‘For God is not a God of disorder but of peace’. This verse is describing worship, but I think it applies to many things. Just as in Genesis, the holy spirit brings form and shape to the chaos and darkness, so God delights in bringing order and peace to our lives. We do need to give the pieces to Him though. So often we try to be independent, to do things in our own strength, working hard to put things in order. God is more gracious to us, than we are to ourselves, and calls us to be guided by Him and to trust. There are still many painful or difficult things in our lives, but knowing that God is our Helper, and that there is hope, makes such a difference.

Gracious God, we stubbornly choose to do things ourselves, working hard, trying our best, seeking to put everything in place. Yet often we dont quite achieve what we hope for. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on us. We confess that we are ill equipped to work out our lives on our own, and that we need Your help and guidance, that we are dependent on You. Holy Spirit, please bring order and peace out of the chaos of our lives. Help us make space for You to work, and to know that Your ways are so mych higher than ours. Thank you Jesus, Amen.

Watching paint dry!

You often hear people say that something was like ‘watching paint dry’. That usually means it was not very exciting.

In the last week however, I have discovered that watching paint dry is a very compelling activity. I have been painting black walls, and try to make them light colours. Little did I know it would take six coats of paint, and still not be quite right. And one of my learnings has been that a wall can look not bad, till you give it another coat, at which point the wet paint makes it look more streaky than ever. And then every 10 minutes, as you watch it dry, it changes, until 4 hours later it stabilises, and you can decide whether to do the whole process all over again.

Other thing I have learned, do not drip paint in a trail across the floor, as it takes so long to get off. There is a myth that if you put extra paint on your brush, things might be expedited more quickly, but only if all the drops don’t fall on your head. A particular favourite is do not stand on wall paper paste, as then your shoes start sticking to the floor! Remember also to change your painty clothes before you go out, as you look like you have a badly co ordinated multicoloured coat. I do love it though when people look at you and say ‘have you been painting?’.People’s insight knows no limits!

During this process, I have learned a lot about myself. I am so impatient- I so want the paint to dry. I am an optimist- this tme it will look better. I would also rather do these things myself- who wants to share their painting mishaps with other people?

I believe God wants to teach us through all we go through in life. For me, He is teaching me to be more patient, to be a little more realistic, to sometimes invite others to share in small disasters. And to be a bit more cateful when I am painting!

I love the information in Ezekiel chapters 31-4, about all the master craftsmen and artists who worked in metal, wood and jewels to make the ark, furnishings and priestly garments beautiful for God and for a place of worship. There is such care in doing this, and we are told that Bezalel and the others were guided by the Holy Spirit. There is a sense of reverence in making things that are fit for a God of holiness and love.

When we are being creative, in painting, woodwork, or craftsmanship of any kind, we are to dedicate what we are doing to God. We don’t always get to contribute to decorating a place of worship, sometimes it is just our home, but we still want to make our enviroment as cosy and hospitable as we can, with meaningful photos, pictures and colour.

Even watching paint dry, can be part of that process of creativity and design!

Creator God, You created the heavens and the earth, with such a rich variety of shape and form and colour, and formed all creatures, and even human beings made in your image. We are amazed at the ethereal worksmanship of Your hand, the vivid imagination shown in the complexity of all things, from a ladybird to a leopard. Lord Jesus, the Carpenter from Nazareth, may we take every opportinity to design and create exquisite enviroments that reflect your glory, and may your Holy Spirit help us to be innovative in sharing Your love with others in a myriad of ways. May our churches and our homes be places that speak of Your love and reflect your splendour. In Jesus, name, Amen

Under the weather…

Every now and again I get a cold. In the universal scheme of things, it is such a small thing. However it can be debilitating. Having a sore throat, sneezing, coughing and not sleeping is annoying when you are trying to live and get things done. Taking time to rest and heal can be hard.

There are so many things that can throw us off balance, a cold, toothache, indigestion or an insect bite. We know it is just a temporary inconvenience, but it can be so frustrating!

Rather than complaining to the whole world, just small steps in the right direction can help. Taking time out to get the right treatment can be key. Instead of procrastinating, and putting other things first, we take time to make that appointment, and to prioritise our wellbeing. Sometimes we put a medical appointment off hecause we are worried about something, but that makes it especially important to go.

Once we have a diagnosis, and maybe medication, that can help. Then we have to rest. That can mean taking time off work, or trying to get some one else to do the school run. If we feel well enough to do stuff, that’s great. But if we don’t, then asking some one for help can be ok.

If we are not feeling well, then asking for support can be crucial. We don’t always like to admit our vulnerabilities, yet people are often more kind and understandibg than we anticipate. Having some one who makes us tea or brings us soup can be just what is needed. And then when others are unwell, then we have the opportunity to bless them in return.

When we are unwell, or worried about tests coming back, another thing we can do is to ask for prayer. In his life on earth, Jesus often prayed for the sick- the paralysed man (Mark 2:1-12), the woman who was crippled (Luke 13: 10-17), or the person with leprosy (Matthew 8: 1-4). And there was healing of some kind, the person recovered physically, or found comfort and peace. There are so many beautiful examples in all four gospels, which are so worth exploring.

We don’t always understand why prayers are answered in different ways, but to ask for the healing love and light of Jesus to bless a person is always a good thing. And when we feel unwell, we often don’t have the concentration to pray much ourselves. So the gift of prayer is a beautiful way of showing care to others.

When we are less well, we seek medical care and medication, holistic care and encouragement, and the blessing of the nearness of God. We often struggle along by ourselves, but when we seek to bless and care for one another, this helps us to feel seen, to know we are loved, and for us to get better! May we resolve to be a more authentic healing community, courageous enough to ask for help, resolute enough to rest, and always willing to pray for and to be supportive of others.

Gracious God, You are the God of light and grace, the One who loves to bless and heal. As people, we are so broken, struggling with illnesses, big and small, sometimes worn out, at times losing hope. Lord Jesus, you noticed the hurting and the sick, the disillusioned and the rejected, and You stretched out your hand to bless and to heal. Thank you that you understand our struggles, and hear our prayers . Send your holy spirit upon us to bring healing and peace. Bless all those who work in medical settings, and may they have the wisdom, resources and insight they need to always provide the best of care. And as a community, may we always show kindness and patience to all we meet, especially whose who are suffering. In Jesus’ name, Amen

Noticing subtle colours

In recent days, I was privileged to spend time up in the Arctic circle. It was during the 46 days of polar darkness, meaning that the sun did not cross the horizon in these days because the land is so far north. There were some twilight hours however, between 8.30am and 2pm. One of these times was called the blue hour, when the sky and the sea took the hue of deep indigo, contrasting sharply with the white snow coloured landscape- it was a mesmerising time of day, the blue hour was in the morning and in the evening- times of transition.

In the middle period, when snow was not imminent, there were periods of subtle and sublime colours in the sky and reflected on the waters. They were constantly changing, a dozen shades of ethereal pastels- yellow, violet, pink, orange, grey, azure and so many others, shimmering on the horizon. They appeared delicate and fragile, and kept changing in a synchronicty of dance.

Trying to find the words to describe these shades of colours falling on infinite snowy mountains, fjords and numerous islands is beyond language. And it reminded me of the subtlety and nuance of human existence. At its best, nuance is expressed in poetry and theatre, sublety in art and music and literature. It is part of our humanity.

In this often strident and harsh world, where opinions are polarised, and so many fight for survival by stereotyping and demonising their enemy, we need to remember the power and goodness of subtlety and stillness, of quiet prayer and civil discourse. Times of reflection and quietness, help us listen more deeply, to one another, and to God.

Karl Barth famously said ‘ to clasp the hands in prayer is the beginning of an uprising against the disorder of the world.’

We may be quiet in demeanor, but we are not to succumb to hatred and derision. We follow the way of Jesus, calling out what is corrupt or hypocritical with fairness and a concern for the wellbeing of all. We are called to do this, but with the gentleness of a dove, and the wisdom of a serpent. Let us not give up when the rhetoric of bullies is loud and brash, and let us not take up their tactics, however we might be tempted. We follow a Saviour who has already won the victory for the all surpassing transformative power of love, goodness and forgivenes. In society people always disagree, but may we do so with dignity and respect. In every circumstance, may we follow Jesus’ example faithfully, and be empowered by your Holy spirit, to pray and work for a more harmonious and just society.

Gracious God, You are just and loving and kind, You made this earth and her peoples, to live in harmony and peace. Yet we rebel and look after ourselves at the expence of others, we speak with anger and frustration complaining about and shouting at those who think differently. Forgive us for our pride and arrogance.

Lord Jesus forgive our cries of indignation at our own circumstances, and refocus our hearts that we might hear the cry of the poor, the marginalised, the wounded and the despairing. Take away our complacency, soften our hard hearts. May we follow the ways of love to speak with moderation and a quiet wisdom that comes from your spirit, on behalf of the suffering and dispossesed. Let us not become weary but remember that there can be strength in quietness, and wisdom and beauty in regulation and subtlety. Guide us as to how best to pray, and to be salt and light in these days of discord, that we might humbly but clearly be bearers of Your light, Amen

Gentler self talk!

The wintry weather recently has been challenging, but beautiful. Just seeing the snow falling softly on the trees is gorgeous. There’s a quiet hush in the air after a snow fall- all the sound is absorbed, and the world seems still.

I have been reflecting at the beginning of this new year, as to what I should be doing with my life. I ask God to show me, and I am grateful that He has a path and a purpose for me even though I don’t always know exactly what it looks like. I trust God, as I believe He is good, loving, kind and true.

When sitting in God’s presence, what I notice is that He is more loving to me than I am to myself. Sometimes I am so frustrated with all my failings- I want to do better, to be more discerning, to be more effective, more energetic.

And so in this new year, I want to be gentler in how I deal with my failings. We live in such a harsh world just now, pressurised, polarised, full of strident voices. It is easy to be influenced by this, and to also adopt that harsh tone with ourselves and others.

Yet I go back to the words of Jesus in Matthew 11, where He gives that invitation about coming to Him and finding rest. In verse 29 he says: ‘take my yoke upon you, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.’

In the past, I was so rest orientated, that I didn’t notice Jesus saying He is gentle and humble in heart. In another part of Matthew’s gospel, chapter 12:20 it says ‘ a bruised reed He will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out.’

We are reminded that Jesus deals gently and tenderly with the damaged and the broken, that He sees our hurts and heartache, and ministers to us with humility and kindness.

Jesus has an inner strength, a love and goodness thst reflects the nature of God Himself, yet He sees the value of the small and the wounded, and has a special place for them. He deals with us gently when we are sad or struggling, snd shows us compassion.

We need to learn from Jesus, and be more compassionate to ourselves, to be thankful for the good, to notice the difficult stuff, to ask God to help us to be stronger, or more careful, or more patient, or whatever gift we seek. He knows our needs, and shows us such grace and care. May we love ourselves, as He loves us, and be gentler in our expectations. May we pray.

Father God, sometimes we make the same mistakes over and over again, and we feel that we are trapped in a cycle of despair. In the midst of our frustation with our own limitations, Lord Jesus you look upon us with tenderness, for You are gentle and humble in heart. Under your gaze, we feel seen and loved, we forgive ourselves, and find new patience to accept our failings. We still pray for your Holy Spirit to guide us, and minister to us, but we are patient as we wait, and trust that You are doing a good thing. Thank you Lord, that we can rest, Amen.

A spiritual oil change!

My car has not been running well, so after a milage check, I realised it needed an oil change. All the old dirty oil was drained away, and new clean oil was put in. The engine is running so much more smoothly, and the parts are being protected from wearing away.

This resonated with some themes in my life. Sometimes we can be overwhelmed by life, by the bumps and emotional distances we need to travel. It is easy to feel worn and out of kilter.

At the beginning of a new year, we take time to look back at the year past. We give thanks for experiences that have been positive and which have built us up. We also acknowledge painful times, challenges and sadnesses. We give thanks that God has blessed us with the good, and ask that we might learn from the more difficult times.

When we are struggling, we might ask God to bring renewal to us, so we can let go of unforgiveness, doubt or negativity, the things that pollute our lives. We pray for God to refine us, and to cleanse us from impurities.

In 1 Peter chapter 1 verse 7, it says that sometimes our faith, which is more precious than gold, is refined by fire, so that it is purified and strengthened. We need to let some things go, selfish attitudes, bad habits, negative self talk, so we can be transformed, and so we can shine more brightly for God.

At the beginning of this year, we want to let go of the things that hold us back, which harm us, or cause negativity. We ask for God to cleanse us, so we can then keep in step with the holy spirit, and walk more closely with God. We pray for the oil of annointing and blessing to be upon our lives, so we may live more effectively for God. May we be open to receiving from God in this new season of our lives, and to sharing His love meaningfully with all.

Eternal Father, You are our Creator, and in Jesus Christ all things hold together. Sometimes we are out of step with You, entangled in regrets and sin, bowed down by cares and worries. Lord Jesus, by your grace, cleanse us from impulses that led to harmful choices and attitudes in our past. By your holy spirit, fill us with with the fruit of the spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentlness and self control. May we live lives that are harmonious, and which allow Your good purposes to be fulfilled. In this new year, fashion us in Your image, and pour out your holy spirit upon us, that we might be inspired and enabled to do Your will, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Advent journey/ Christmas rest!

On Christmas Eve, many are travelling by car, bus, train or plane- seeking to be reunited with loved ones. Bus stations, airports, motorways are busy, with slightly stressed people with parcels, striving to be at the right place at the right time.

We think we are harassed, without realising that travelling now is nothing in comparison with travelling that first Christmas. A 9 month pregnant Mary travelling from Nazareth to Bethlehem on foot (or maybe by donkey) – a distance of 90 miles. It is reckoned that if Mary and Joseph walked for 8 hours a day, it would have taken at least 4 days. I cannot imagine how uncomfortable that would have been physically. Emotionally, Mary must have wondered where her baby would be born, and she might have been just a bit anxious if everything was going to be ok. Spiritually, she knew the angel said this child would he the Son of God- such a wonderful promise, but there must have been a sense of responsibility too. So many questions, as they walked this long and arduous road.

With hindsight, we know that all went well. That although there was no room for them in Bethlehem, the holy couple found a place of shelter and warmth amongst the animals, that the baby was safely born, and placed in the manger. The Saviour of the world, was born in a place of obscurity and in poverty. There was no fanfare, but there were humble shepherds, and later reverent wise men, who marvelled at the coming of this long awaited holy child.

The Christmas story involves a long uncomfortable journey, but the faith and courage of Mary and Joseph, brought them to a place of wonder and rest. The relief there must have been when the child took his first breath. The exhaustion, then quiet reverence as they gazed at this holy child. It was a long journey in every way- they faced misunderstanding and times of doubt- they were at times bewildered and unsure, but they persevered until Jesus was born into this world, and then there was peace.

We might also be on a difficult journey, where we are weary, disillusioned or sad. Yet God calls us to keep putting one foot in front of another, and to trust that He is doing a good thing. May we also be brought to a place of wonder and worship, as we consider the meaning of Jesus’ birth this Christmas.

Eternal Father, You sent Jesus into this world, the Word made flesh, the light of the world. We are amazed at the perseverance and trust of Mary and Joseph as they made that long journey. Whatever our circumstances this Christmas, may we too trust You. May we have a time of rest and reflection, to remember that love is the most important thing in the world. Lord Jesus, Babe of Bethlehem, in your life we see what the love of God looks like- pure and good, compassionate and true. May that love be poured out in abundance this Christmas and beyond, that all might experience acceptance, grace and healing. Holy spirit may he all know that deep sense of rest and peace, as we choose to worship You this day, Amen.

Advent tears.

Advent- a time of preparation- not just preparing for Christmas, but for the coming of Jesus Christ, the baby of Bethlehem, the Saviour of the world. It can be a time of people coming together, of food preparation, of carol services and prayer. We enjoy Christmas hymns in candle light, nativity services and the Word being proclaimed. Worship is sacred and meaningful.

Something I have noticed however, is that sometimes in worship we are told to be joyful. I understand that joy is a gift from God, and that there is so much to give thanks for. However people can be going through difficult days, when joy can be elusive. People can have health concerns, be experiencing family heartbreak, or the recent loss of a loved one. It can feel that everyone else is doing ok, but that you are not.

It seems so important to give people space to be real. Christmas can be a poignant time, with people travelling long journeys, under pressure to buy things they can’t afford, isolated from loved ones, remembering those no longer here, haunted by memories from the past.

We often sanitise the Christmas story, remembering only angels, shepherds and wise men. We forget the incredulity of Joseph, the stress for Mary, that long uncomfortable journey to Bethelehem, and the uncertainty of what was going to happen next. Having a baby round the back of the inn must have been a frightening experience for a young girl. Placing a new born baby in a manger, gives a small insight as to the impracticalities of the whole thing -the Messiah, being born on earth in the most humble and unlikely of circumstances.

In Matthew’s gospel, chapter 1 verse 22 it says ‘all this took place to fulfil what the Lord said through the prophet ‘ the virgin shall be with child, and will give birth to a Son, and they will call him Emmanuel, which means ‘God with us.’

We are so thankful for the presence of Jesus with us in all circumstances. As we come nearer to Christmas, we may well feel joy that we can celebrate Christ’s coming. But for those whose hearts are heavy through pain, worry or grief, may we acknowledge this, and sit with them without pressure or expectation. And may each person know that their story is known by God, that they are seen and not forgotten, and that they are treasured and loved.

Eternal God, You are our Creator, and we are so thankful at our Saviour coming to earth in the form of a human baby, vulnerable and small. Lord Jesus we are thankful that you are our Emmanuel, the God who is with us. We marvel at your grace to us, when we so little deserve it. We want to worship You, and to celebrate your birth. Sometimes however, our hearts are sore, and we worship through our tears. In our communities, help us to accept each other, in the same way that You welcome us, just as we are. Holy spirit, whatever our circumstances this Christmas, may our lives be touched by You, and may we experience, comfort, love and hope. In Jesus’ name, Amen.