Gentler self talk!

The wintry weather recently has been challenging, but beautiful. Just seeing the snow falling softly on the trees is gorgeous. There’s a quiet hush in the air after a snow fall- all the sound is absorbed, and the world seems still.

I have been reflecting at the beginning of this new year, as to what I should be doing with my life. I ask God to show me, and I am grateful that He has a path and a purpose for me even though I don’t always know exactly what it looks like. I trust God, as I believe He is good, loving, kind and true.

When sitting in God’s presence, what I notice is that He is more loving to me than I am to myself. Sometimes I am so frustrated with all my failings- I want to do better, to be more discerning, to be more effective, more energetic.

And so in this new year, I want to be gentler in how I deal with my failings. We live in such a harsh world just now, pressurised, polarised, full of strident voices. It is easy to be influenced by this, and to also adopt that harsh tone with ourselves and others.

Yet I go back to the words of Jesus in Matthew 11, where He gives that invitation about coming to Him and finding rest. In verse 29 he says: ‘take my yoke upon you, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.’

In the past, I was so rest orientated, that I didn’t notice Jesus saying He is gentle and humble in heart. In another part of Matthew’s gospel, chapter 12:20 it says ‘ a bruised reed He will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out.’

We are reminded that Jesus deals gently and tenderly with the damaged and the broken, that He sees our hurts and heartache, and ministers to us with humility and kindness.

Jesus has an inner strength, a love and goodness thst reflects the nature of God Himself, yet He sees the value of the small and the wounded, and has a special place for them. He deals with us gently when we are sad or struggling, snd shows us compassion.

We need to learn from Jesus, and be more compassionate to ourselves, to be thankful for the good, to notice the difficult stuff, to ask God to help us to be stronger, or more careful, or more patient, or whatever gift we seek. He knows our needs, and shows us such grace and care. May we love ourselves, as He loves us, and be gentler in our expectations. May we pray.

Father God, sometimes we make the same mistakes over and over again, and we feel that we are trapped in a cycle of despair. In the midst of our frustation with our own limitations, Lord Jesus you look upon us with tenderness, for You are gentle and humble in heart. Under your gaze, we feel seen and loved, we forgive ourselves, and find new patience to accept our failings. We still pray for your Holy Spirit to guide us, and minister to us, but we are patient as we wait, and trust that You are doing a good thing. Thank you Lord, that we can rest, Amen.

A spiritual oil change!

My car has not been running well, so after a milage check, I realised it needed an oil change. All the old dirty oil was drained away, and new clean oil was put in. The engine is running so much more smoothly, and the parts are being protected from wearing away.

This resonated with some themes in my life. Sometimes we can be overwhelmed by life, by the bumps and emotional distances we need to travel. It is easy to feel worn and out of kilter.

At the beginning of a new year, we take time to look back at the year past. We give thanks for experiences that have been positive and which have built us up. We also acknowledge painful times, challenges and sadnesses. We give thanks that God has blessed us with the good, and ask that we might learn from the more difficult times.

When we are struggling, we might ask God to bring renewal to us, so we can let go of unforgiveness, doubt or negativity, the things that pollute our lives. We pray for God to refine us, and to cleanse us from impurities.

In 1 Peter chapter 1 verse 7, it says that sometimes our faith, which is more precious than gold, is refined by fire, so that it is purified and strengthened. We need to let some things go, selfish attitudes, bad habits, negative self talk, so we can be transformed, and so we can shine more brightly for God.

At the beginning of this year, we want to let go of the things that hold us back, which harm us, or cause negativity. We ask for God to cleanse us, so we can then keep in step with the holy spirit, and walk more closely with God. We pray for the oil of annointing and blessing to be upon our lives, so we may live more effectively for God. May we be open to receiving from God in this new season of our lives, and to sharing His love meaningfully with all.

Eternal Father, You are our Creator, and in Jesus Christ all things hold together. Sometimes we are out of step with You, entangled in regrets and sin, bowed down by cares and worries. Lord Jesus, by your grace, cleanse us from impulses that led to harmful choices and attitudes in our past. By your holy spirit, fill us with with the fruit of the spirit- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentlness and self control. May we live lives that are harmonious, and which allow Your good purposes to be fulfilled. In this new year, fashion us in Your image, and pour out your holy spirit upon us, that we might be inspired and enabled to do Your will, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Advent journey/ Christmas rest!

On Christmas Eve, many are travelling by car, bus, train or plane- seeking to be reunited with loved ones. Bus stations, airports, motorways are busy, with slightly stressed people with parcels, striving to be at the right place at the right time.

We think we are harassed, without realising that travelling now is nothing in comparison with travelling that first Christmas. A 9 month pregnant Mary travelling from Nazareth to Bethlehem on foot (or maybe by donkey) – a distance of 90 miles. It is reckoned that if Mary and Joseph walked for 8 hours a day, it would have taken at least 4 days. I cannot imagine how uncomfortable that would have been physically. Emotionally, Mary must have wondered where her baby would be born, and she might have been just a bit anxious if everything was going to be ok. Spiritually, she knew the angel said this child would he the Son of God- such a wonderful promise, but there must have been a sense of responsibility too. So many questions, as they walked this long and arduous road.

With hindsight, we know that all went well. That although there was no room for them in Bethlehem, the holy couple found a place of shelter and warmth amongst the animals, that the baby was safely born, and placed in the manger. The Saviour of the world, was born in a place of obscurity and in poverty. There was no fanfare, but there were humble shepherds, and later reverent wise men, who marvelled at the coming of this long awaited holy child.

The Christmas story involves a long uncomfortable journey, but the faith and courage of Mary and Joseph, brought them to a place of wonder and rest. The relief there must have been when the child took his first breath. The exhaustion, then quiet reverence as they gazed at this holy child. It was a long journey in every way- they faced misunderstanding and times of doubt- they were at times bewildered and unsure, but they persevered until Jesus was born into this world, and then there was peace.

We might also be on a difficult journey, where we are weary, disillusioned or sad. Yet God calls us to keep putting one foot in front of another, and to trust that He is doing a good thing. May we also be brought to a place of wonder and worship, as we consider the meaning of Jesus’ birth this Christmas.

Eternal Father, You sent Jesus into this world, the Word made flesh, the light of the world. We are amazed at the perseverance and trust of Mary and Joseph as they made that long journey. Whatever our circumstances this Christmas, may we too trust You. May we have a time of rest and reflection, to remember that love is the most important thing in the world. Lord Jesus, Babe of Bethlehem, in your life we see what the love of God looks like- pure and good, compassionate and true. May that love be poured out in abundance this Christmas and beyond, that all might experience acceptance, grace and healing. Holy spirit may he all know that deep sense of rest and peace, as we choose to worship You this day, Amen.

Advent tears.

Advent- a time of preparation- not just preparing for Christmas, but for the coming of Jesus Christ, the baby of Bethlehem, the Saviour of the world. It can be a time of people coming together, of food preparation, of carol services and prayer. We enjoy Christmas hymns in candle light, nativity services and the Word being proclaimed. Worship is sacred and meaningful.

Something I have noticed however, is that sometimes in worship we are told to be joyful. I understand that joy is a gift from God, and that there is so much to give thanks for. However people can be going through difficult days, when joy can be elusive. People can have health concerns, be experiencing family heartbreak, or the recent loss of a loved one. It can feel that everyone else is doing ok, but that you are not.

It seems so important to give people space to be real. Christmas can be a poignant time, with people travelling long journeys, under pressure to buy things they can’t afford, isolated from loved ones, remembering those no longer here, haunted by memories from the past.

We often sanitise the Christmas story, remembering only angels, shepherds and wise men. We forget the incredulity of Joseph, the stress for Mary, that long uncomfortable journey to Bethelehem, and the uncertainty of what was going to happen next. Having a baby round the back of the inn must have been a frightening experience for a young girl. Placing a new born baby in a manger, gives a small insight as to the impracticalities of the whole thing -the Messiah, being born on earth in the most humble and unlikely of circumstances.

In Matthew’s gospel, chapter 1 verse 22 it says ‘all this took place to fulfil what the Lord said through the prophet ‘ the virgin shall be with child, and will give birth to a Son, and they will call him Emmanuel, which means ‘God with us.’

We are so thankful for the presence of Jesus with us in all circumstances. As we come nearer to Christmas, we may well feel joy that we can celebrate Christ’s coming. But for those whose hearts are heavy through pain, worry or grief, may we acknowledge this, and sit with them without pressure or expectation. And may each person know that their story is known by God, that they are seen and not forgotten, and that they are treasured and loved.

Eternal God, You are our Creator, and we are so thankful at our Saviour coming to earth in the form of a human baby, vulnerable and small. Lord Jesus we are thankful that you are our Emmanuel, the God who is with us. We marvel at your grace to us, when we so little deserve it. We want to worship You, and to celebrate your birth. Sometimes however, our hearts are sore, and we worship through our tears. In our communities, help us to accept each other, in the same way that You welcome us, just as we are. Holy spirit, whatever our circumstances this Christmas, may our lives be touched by You, and may we experience, comfort, love and hope. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Advent justice!

In the world at the moment, there seems to be such conflict and darkness. A Christmas tree has gone up in Bethlehem, but the impact of violence and destruction of recent years is still current. Other places of fighting and instability include the Ukraine, the Democratic Republic of Congo, South Sudan, Myanmar and so many others.

The shops are busy, there is bustle in the colourful Christmas markets, but many are in debt as a result of the temptation to overspend, and there are homeless in our cities, children fleeing from abuse, people struggling with illness and isolation. How do we reconcile such oppulance starkly contrasting with the despairing cry of a nearby child?

Of course, we want to celebrate the joy of Advent, meeting up with friends and family, enjoying concerts and plays. But perhaps it is also important to take time to give thanks for what we have, and to conciously decide to bless others. We can volunteer at a foodbank, hand gifts in to a local community project, check in with that neighbour, or give money to a charity that we resonate with. There are so many ways we can seek to serve others.

In Luke chapter 1, when Mary is singing praise to God because of the Holy Child within her, she describes the character of God in verses 51-53:

‘He has performed mighty deeds with His arm: He has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts, He has brought rulers down from their thrones, but has lifted up the humble, He has filled the hungry with good things, but has sent the rich away empty.’

Sometimes I think we forget the radical nature of Jesus’ agenda, to turn the ways of this world upside down, to challenge corruption and greed, and to feed the hungry and lift up the humble. This is the mandate of that Child in a Manger, the one who came to bring a new kingdom of light, love and justice.

In this Advent season, may we savour what is good, be thankful for all we have, and rejoice in hope. But may we also recommit ourselves to challenging injustice, being an advocate for the poor, and to befriending the lonely and marginalised. In this way, we truly welcome Christ into our hearts and homes this Christmas.

Eternal Father, we thank you for this Advent season, when we prepare to welcome the birth of our Saviour. We thank You for times of stillness, to be touched anew by the wonder of Christ’s birth and the joy of the season. We also remember the Beatitudes, and Jesus coming to challenge the rich, and to lift up the poor, to unsettle the proud and to bring healing to the broken and disillusioned. May your holy spirit disturb our complacency, so we might call out injustice and show compassion and generosity to all in need. May people choose to lay down their arms, and choose the paths of peace. May your kingdom of justice, light and grace, come through our prayers and actions in this season and always, in the name of our precious Saviour, Amen.

Advent stilling

What a frantic season this can be, cards to send, presents to co-ordinate, food to purchase, events to attend. It can be a whirlwind of activity.

With this whirlwind, can also come pressure and worry however. People fall out over who is coming where. Anxiety builds when we take on too much. That old argument reemerges, and no one knows how it can be resolved. And there can be painful memories- so many reminders of the person no longer with us.

The season of Advent invites us to take moments of quiet. Instead of joining the melee of traffic jams and queues, God invites us just to sit, and to be.

Advent is a time of preparation- not specifically about decorating the Christmas tree and getting a new outfit! Rather just to turn our gaze to God, and to the significance of Jesus’ birth, the King of Kings born as a vulnerable and tiny human being.

Every baby born is a miracle, to give thanks for. There is an innate sense within us of the marvel of new life- when there is a baby in the room, your heart is drawn to them, their innocence, beauty and uniqueness. People spend hours just marvelling at the shape of their fingers and toes, and cooing over them. There is a sense of reverence and thanksgiving.

If these are the sensations we have in the presence of new life, imagine what it must have been like for Mary and Joseph that first Christmas. The prophets had foretold the birth of the Messiah for 100’s of years. Angels had spoken to Zechariah and to both Mary and Joseph directly. When they held the infant in their arms, they gazed on the demeanor of the Son of God. Round the back of the inn, amongst the animals and the hay, in the most unlikely and imperfect of circumstances, the Prince of Peace was born.

That sense of wonder, awe and thanksgiving, is central to the Christmas story, and to our preparations at Advent. We are not to focus on the superficial and the material. Rather we are to spend time sitting in candlelight, rereading the gospel narratives, praying for the holy spirit to fill us with reverent thanksgiving and joy.

The coming of our Saviour, reminds us that all is not lost. Though there is conflict and suffering, poverty and much pain in this weary world, yet God has not abandoned us. He sent His Son Jesus Christ, to save us from our sin, our prideful arrogance and stubborn rebelliousness, to offer forgiveness and peace. Every time we respond with humility and thanksgiving, we pray that the light of our Saviour would shine more brightly in this world.

We often despair at all that is wrong with the world, but when we see that, we also see that God can use even our small efforts to make a difference- to pray for peace, to reach out to the lonely neighbour, to be a peace maker in the midst of alienation.

This Advent, each day, may we have a quiet moment, when we reconnect with God. We might listen to Christmas carols, or put up a nativity, or just take time to imagine ourselves amongst the straw and the muck, gazing at the holy family, and that holy child in their midst with love and adoration.

Gracious God, forgive us for succumbing to the pressures of the season, rushing around, with the weight of expectations heavy upon us. Holy spirit, teach us to slow down, to pause and reflect, to reassess what is really important. Help us let go of perfectionism and to take time to medidate on that first Christmas, where the Prince of Peace was born amongst the animals round the back of the inn. So much was chaotic and messy, but in Your birth Lord Jesus we see Perfect Love being born. In the midst of our imperfect circumstances, may we make room for You, for that deep sense of wonder and awe to pervade all that we do. May this Advent be a slower and more contemplative time, that is all the more meaningful as a result, for the sake of the Babe of Bethlehem, Amen.

Misunderstandings.

Human relationships are so complicated. Whether it is family dynamics or workplace tensions, navigating wisely is so stressful. What are healthy boundaries to have? How do we love others, without harming ourselves?

There are so many stories of people who have tried to do their very best, but where it has not worked out. Perhaps you have followed your core beliefs in a work place enviroment, and have been marginalised and disrespected as a result. Perhaps you tried to intervene in a family dispute, and it backfired dramatically. Or you made a comment to some one, which was taken out of context, and which then caused trouble.

There are so many misunderstandings in relationships. We hope there is enough trust, to talk through differences, to agree to differ, to forgive and be forgiven. However it is human nature that we easily take offense, that we can struggle to see the point of view of another, and that we dismiss and belittle instead, blocking any attempt at deep listening or attempts at reconciliation. This can result in hostile glares and radio silence, causing long lasting damage and isolation for those involved.

When we are young, we often seek to do everthing we can to repair difficult relationships, to pray and to extend the olive branch. It is good to do these things, and to keep the door open where possible. As we get older, there is a realisation that sometimes accepting that things are as they are, might be the only path left. Differing memories, personality types and values can make even being in the same room an unfruitful experience.

This is not a negative post, but rather a realistic one. As Christians, we remember Jesus teaching ‘to love others as you love yourselves’ Matthew 22:39 We seek to love others with the affirming and generous love of Christ, but if that love is abused or exploited, then we might question if we have forgotten to love ourselves. It is a delicate balance- if we forget to love ourselves, then we risk becoming empty and resentful. If we put ourselves first all the time, then we miss the joy of healthy relationships with others.

I don’t have answers to all this, but I want to at least raise the questions. Following Jesus Christ means carrying our cross, and showing sacrificial love to the world in His name. Yet Jesus also didn’t conform, he challenged the religious establishment, he experienced moments of joy, he went for walks, shared meals, and went to a wedding. He had a balance of finding renewal in quiet time with His heavenly Father, and joy in human company.

We seek that balance, to pray, to love generously, to forgive and be forgiven. Yet in our humanity, sometimes it doesn’t work out, and there are painful musunderstandings. We pray, we do what we can to make amends, but there are also times to commit things into the hands of God, to walk away and be at peace.

Eternal God, Creator of all things, You made this world, stars and space to be in harmony and balance. As human beings, we are made in Your image, to steward the earth, and to love one another. Lord Jesus, we seek to love with your pure and generous love. Yet our hearts are often rebellious and proud- forgive times when we spoke hastily and without thought, for mistakes and hurt caused. Lord Jesus, when we are hurting, remind us that You understand, and that You show tender love to the bruised and the broken. We grieve over the damage that broken relationships cause in families, in churches, in the work place. Holy spirit, where possible, give us opportinities for deep listening and reconciliation. And when it is not to be, help us to know that you see us, that we might experience healing and peace.

The coming of the dawn.

I have been travelling recently, which I love. Travelling is such a privilege, to visit different places, to discover new perspectives and meet such a variety of people. I have been in America when it was Veterans Day, and learned so much about how people remember and commemorate conflict.

Travelling also disturbs your sleep pattern, so for me it means that I am often awake when others are asleep. The time difference can be brutal. However instead of fretting about not being able to sleep, I can reframe it to allowing myself to enjoy the quiet. A cup of tea, and time to think, read and pray is just beautiful.

Life can be so frantic, that taking that quiet moment can be life giving. Sitting in darkness feels symbolic- we are reflecting on difficult memories, trying to navigate currect choices, wondering about the future. It is a time of waiting.

What strikes me is that we might feel we are waiting with apprehension or fear- or we can choose to wait with anticipation and trust. God is faithful in every situation, and I choose to trust Him. Even when we wait in the dark, there is still the quiet light of the stars and the moon shining in the night’s sky.

I have been reading some John O’ Donoghue about the coming of the dawn, and amongst many gorgeous lyrical insights he shares, he says simply ‘the dawn is a refreshing time, a time of possibility and promise.’

The psalmist echoes this sentiment in psalm 119: 148 ‘ I rise before the dawning of the morning, and cry for help; I hope in Your word.”

There is something special about watching the light coming in the night’s sky. It cannot be hurried, but only observed and appreciated. Whatever our cries and thoughts during the hours of darkness, the first light of dawn brings hope and beauty, a deep sense of reverence and worship, a sense of privilege at the gift of having another day of life.

Dawn is a time of hope, of possibility, of transformation. Our troubled cries and thoughts in the night dissipate, and there emerges a renewed strength and sense of wonder. It is a sacred time, which is to be cherished.

Gracious and Eternal God, sometimes we feel lost in the darkness, overwhelmed by the suffering and pain in this world, by our mistakes and struggles. Yet after a time of prayerful waiting in the night, there comes the most spectacular dawn of stripy colour and patterns of luminous cloud formations. Lord Jesus, just like the dawn, your presence brings light, and lifts our spirits, and inspires our souls. Thank you that You see us, and that even in the darkness that we are never alone or forsaken. Holy spirit, we thank you that You are at work in our lives, helping us to be attentive to beauty and possibilities of healing and hope. We praise You, Amen.

Remembrance- not just for a day…..

Remembrance- a day and a season of remembering. We remember those who gave their life for their country, and rightly so. In the midst of the poignant silence, we think of conflicts and wars, family members and friends, whose names are recorded on war memorials up and down the land. We give thanks for people who navigate access to military records that might help us to understand where a loved one died, the circumstances of their death, the location of a war grave if there is one. We give thanks for their willingness to serve, and for their sacrifice.

Another dimension of Remembrance is also to remember those who came back from war- the veterans. Some return with stories to tell, new skills learned, and reintegrate well into society, and I am thankful for this. For others, they come back with physical disabilities, emotional wounds, and spiritual questioning of long held beliefs. The pain of personally witnessing the raw devastation of shootings and bombings, never mind participating in them, can leave veterans with shattered trust, and a fragmented sense of self.

I know that there are many organisations out there to support veterans, but I think it can be difficult to find exactly what you need. If you are struggling with flashbacks and ptsd symptoms, you can want to self medicate and isolate as a coping strategy, and don’t have energy to fill in forms and conform to social norms. Feelings of frustration, anger, fear and shame can put enormous strain on relationships with family and friends, adding to the turmoil.

My late husband Colin, who died seven years ago was a veteran. He was one of the unfortunate ones, who struggled with physical injury, dark memories, regrets and trauma.

When I was reflecting on a biblical story that might help, I tbought of the story of Jacob in Genesus chapter 32. He is about to meet his brother Esau, and is distressed and wracked by guilt about some of his past behaviour. He prays for safety for his family, and then goes out into the night and wrestles with God. Jacob says he will not stop, until God blesses him, and although he suffers a wounded hip, he discovers the blessing of God. In the midst of struggle in the darkness, Jacob acknowledges his dependence on God, and he finds strength and hope. For many veterans, they too wrestle in the dark, but finding any answers can be tough indeed.

For veterans and their families, there can be so many struggles, for understanding, for respect, for meaningful support in the midst of nightmares and trauma. On Remembrance Sunday, out of all days, may we remember our veteran community. In their often complex and individual stories, they need our recognition and care, not just one day a year, but all year round. As a society, may we resolve to find compassionate and effective ways to do this.

Gracious and Eternal Father, God of all the ages, we are sorrowful at the conflict and destruction in our world. Often we fight and tear down, rather than build up and bless. We know that sometimes war is the lesser of two evils, and we give thanks for those willing to serve. We honour their memory, and remember both the living and the dead. Lord Jesus Christ, You show us the meaning of love, through Your life and teaching, and willingness to lay down your life for the sins of the world. Help us, as we cry to You, for healing of wounded and broken individuals, families and communities. May charities, churches and national institutions work together to bring a soothing salve of grace to all whose lives are troubled and full of pain. Holy Spirit teach us how to honour our veteran community, and to be channels of healing and peace. In Jesus mighty name, Amen..

The blessing of libraries!

In the last few weeks, I had the joy of entering into a new library. It was so wonderful, full of amazing books, inviting desks, digital catalogues and periodicals and journals. It even had a coffee shop attached…..

One of my first part time jobs was in a library. I loved sorting the books in the Dewey Decimal system, and trying to answer customer queries. You never knew what was going to happen next, and you were always learning.

There are so many quotations about the power of reading. We might think of Dr Seuss ‘ the more you read, the more you learn. The more you learn, the more places you will go.’ Or the quotation by Gail Carson Levine ‘ a library is infinity under a roof’. There are so many possibilities to learn new things about the planet, to get lost in an imaginative fictional world, to be challenged by the most exquisite wordsmanship in poetry and prose. It is being able to connect with the ideas and insights of millions of people around the planet on every conceivable topic. It is an open door to experiencing some of the most inspirational and uplifting of thoughts.

I love libraries because they offer opportunities to listen to some of the most inspiring people. However I choose not to read things which are cruel or offensive. I read things from different viewpoints, because I need to be challenged, and my mind enlarged. Yet I seek discernment as to what will build me up, rather than pull me down.

As a Christian, I do love reading the bible. I so appreciate the honesty of the psalms, the wisdom that different characters learn, the gospel accounts of Jesus’ life, the letters written by leaders in the early church. Some parts are harder to understand- and lead to questions as to why something was included, what an action meant in the culture of the day, how to interpret meaning. I pray for the holy spirit to help me, every time I open its pages. The words from psalm 119, verse 105 help:

‘Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light for my path.’

The bible is a library of books in itself, and I pray for God to help me to approach its pages with humility, and a desire to learn more of His Love.

Having so many amazing books to read is such a gift. Having so many translations of the bible, and to have them so freely available is also something never to be taken for granted. May we use our libraries well, to keep them open. And may we take every opportunity to learn, and to grow in our appreciation of the world, and in our spiritual journey.

Gracious God, You spoke, and the heavens and the earth came into being. We thankyou for the power of words, and ask that they might be used not to diminish and destroy, but to bless and to heal. Lord Jesus- Your teaching brings wisdom and truth. Help us to not just hear, but to live out Your truth. Holy spirit, we give thanks for the wonder and beauty of life, in all its complexity and depth- in the midst of it all, may we always be open to learning- guide us to live well, and to love wisely. In Jesus’ name, Amen