Tag: consolation.

Melon makes me cry!

Memories at Christmas!

Recent weeks have been tricky. I love the season of Advent- the anticipation, the candles, the wonder, as we prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ with the world. It is such a beautiful time of the year, filled with hope and possibility.

However it is also so very poignant. It is difficult not to look back and remember past Christmases, and remember those no longer with you. I am at an age where my Christmas card list has shrunk, because a number of my friends are no longer here. And the number of empty places at the table has meant that a table is barely required.

Melon makes me cry, because my mum loved melon. After her surgeries 8 years ago, she was often thirsty, and when she had melon, her whole face lit up, and she enjoyed it so much. I so enjoyed buying her melon.

Now I see melon in the supermarket, and I am all ready to put it in my basket, and then stop. My mum passed away in September, and she doesn’t need melon anymore. My emotional muscle memory wants to keep buying it though, and is just a strand of the sharp pain of loss. For the newly bereaved, so many things make us cry.

Advent is still a wonderful time, and we are reminded that Jesus is our Emmanuel, the God who is with us. He understands our grief, and we do not need to pretend with him. The light of the candle flame is more meaningful when you have sat in deep darkness.

Intellectually, I understand that this will eventually become a time of forming new traditions and possibilities. But right now, I just need space to sit in the darkness. I have found with emotional pain, my body often reflects that, and so three weeks ago my shoulder started to hurt. After seeing my wonderful osteopath and a physio it is getting better, but the pain of my shoulder seemed to somehow embody the pain of my heart. I so admire people who manage to live well with chronic pain, because for me even just some physical pain for a short time, I have found exhausting and debilitating.

In psalm 147:3 it says: God heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds’. For people whose hearts are sore at Christmas, we are reminded that we have a Saviour who cares, who came to offer salvation to all, forgiveness, love and a new beginning. It doesn’t happen overnight, for healing is gradual, messy and chaotic, but even the possibility of healing, the idea that the pain might ease, and peace come, brings hope.

Gracious and Eternal God, under the shadow of your wings, comes shelter and healing. For all who are sore, whose dreams are shattered, may they find healing nestling in your arms of love. Lord Jesus, Babe of Bethlehem, you weep over the pain and heartbreak of many, whose lives are upside down, who despair and cry out to You. Emmanuel come to us, to all who cry out to You, and may Your presence enable tears of pain to be transformed to tears of relief and thanksgiving. Holy spirit, thankyou that we are never alone, that You hold us in these in between shadow times, until we find courage to re-emerge into the world once more. Meantime, may the prayers and encouragement of family and friends bring blessing and even peace, Amen.

Lent- hope in the wilderness

An early flowering……

Last week I was having a difficult day, and on a walk near a loch, I found this beautiful and early flower. Most of the tree was bare, with only a few buds, but this wee flower made me smile and brought me hope.

Lent is a desert time, when we remember that after Jesus’ baptism in the river Jordan, that the holy spirit then took him into the desert in Judea to be tempted in the wilderness for 40 days. After the purpose and blessing revealed and experienced in his baptism, Jesus was prepared for his ministry by a time of testing- Luke chapter 4:1-15.

There are times in our lives when we can really relate to that time of testing. Maybe we are despairing about something, or tempted to go down a path we know is wrong for us. Or it could be that we feel alone and vulnerable. Desert times test our love and our resolve.

My prayer for all of us in this period of Lent, is that we learn something that makes us stronger. Traditionally in Lent, we might think of goings to let go, excess chocolate or cakes or take away coffees! We can go deeper, to give up bad habits that take us away from God, too much social media scrolling, late night TV. We can ask God to help us let go of hurts, resentment and bitterness in our hearts.

Having let go, so we create space for God’s holy spirit to work. In the space, we might rededicate ourselves to prayer, or reading a gospel passage each day, or starting a prayer journal. We might commit to listening to praise music every day, or seeking to encourage and bless another person. We pray that somehow, even in the midst of the deepest struggles, God brings transformation to our lives. Then perhaps, there can be a flowering, even in the most unexpected of places.

‘The desert will rejoice, and flowers will bloom in the wastelands’ Isaiah 35:1

Gracious God, we confess that being in the desert is not something we enjoy. We hear the cry of wild beasts, and we are tempted and distracted and we get scared. Yet You, Lord Jesus, are with us, and you model how to stay close to God, by prayer and meditating on Your Word.

Whatever our struggles are, may we cry to You for help, and wait for your reply. May our eyes be fixed on You. Calm our overthinking and terrified imagining. May we know that You are near Lird Jesus, and find solace in the presence of your holy spirit, still guiding our path. And somewhere in the darkness of suffering, may there be new buds of faith, and flowerings of love, in Jesus name, Amen.

A torrent of tears.

So many losses…

There are days when things feel better, and there are signs of hope. And then there are other times.

For me, I have had a difficult couple of weeks. It all started with the death of Mikhail Gorbachev about ten days ago. I had watched the poignant Storyville interview with him, a few years before his death. When he led the USSR through glasnost and perestroika in the late 1980’s and sought to act amicably on the world stage, he changed the course of the world for good. Yes of course he was flawed, but he was courageous and advocated free speech, reform and often championed non violent solutions. He has been blamed for the collapse of the Soviet empire, and he didn’t get a state funeral. Yet even at the end of his life, he retained a vision of what he was trying to do, and why it was important. He stood by his convictions, and greatly suffered as a result.

And then this week, there has been the death of HM Queen Elisabeth. Whatever your views on the institution of the monarchy, she dedicated her life to serving her people, and for over 70 years sought to fulfil that promise, whether it was though her travel through the Commonwealth, her thoughtful role at state events, and her listening, encouragement and insights shared with so many. We all saw her in the photos on Tuesday inviting Liz Truss to form a government, just two days before her death, with the Queen looking frail but dignified, deeply engaged in what was going on, and very much at peace in her surroundings. Somehow these pictures made the news of her death on the Thursday much more shocking. We have lost now just our Queen, but the stability and continuity she represented, and that feels so emotional. Between the impact of the pandemic, the war in the Ukraine, and the worry about the cost of living crisis, the amount of profound changes we are living with keep stacking up, and are disorientating and unnerving.

For me, yesterday was also my late husband’s birthday, and that too was gut wrenching. It brought back memories of tines when we had tried to make his birthday special, but he was too unwell to always enjoy it. I was often so helpless to support him, as his ongoing health deterioration didn’t ameliorate for special occasions.

The tears have just flowed- not just for all these losses, but because of what they represent. We seek to honour flawed people, and we are all deeply flawed, but people trying to do their best, showing extraordinary courage in very different contexts. We lament, as we also give thanks for their lives.

I remember the verse from psalm 126 verse 5 ‘ those who sow in tears will reap with joyful song’. At the moment, that feels difficult to imagine, yet we trust………

Eternal God, from the rising of the sun to its setting, Your name is to be praised. We go through seasons of loss and heartache, where our tears are so raw, we can no longer discern the specific cause, as loss piles upon loss. Maybe part of getting older, is witnessing all the changes in the world, and learning to find acceptance and peace. Lord Jesus, you look upon people with compassion, You see our earthly struggles and our many tears. Not a tear falls, that You do not see. We give you thanks for the richness of life, for the inspirational people who seek to do good. Holy spirit, as the tears flow, comfort us in our grief. Thankyou that there is always a rainbow after the heaviest shower, a ray of hope after the darkest night, eternal life with God, after our mortal life on this earth. We live with both a torrent of tears, and also with the prospect of new birth and resurrection, and so we find strength and peace. Thankyou, heavenly Father, Amen.

A torrent of tears.

So many losses…

There are days when things feel better, and there are signs of hope. And then there are other times.

For me, I have had a difficult couple of weeks. It all started with the death of Mikhail Gorbachev about ten days ago. I had watched the poignant Storyville interview with him, a few years before his death. When he led the USSR through glasnost and perestroika in the late 1980’s and sought to act amicably on the world stage, he changed the course of the world for good. Yes of course he was flawed, but he was courageous and advocated free speech, reform and often championed non violent solutions. He has been blamed for the collapse of the Soviet empire, and he didn’t get a state funeral. Yet even at the end of his life, he retained a vision of what he was trying to do, and why it was important. He stood by his convictions, and greatly suffered as a result.

And then this week, there has been the death of HM Queen Elisabeth. Whatever your views on the institution of the monarchy, she dedicated her life to serving her people, and for over 70 years sought to fulfil that promise, whether it was though her travel through the Commonwealth, her thoughtful role at state events, and her listening, encouragement and insights shared with so many. We all saw her in the photos on Tuesday inviting Liz Truss to form a government, just two days before her death, with the Queen looking frail but dignified, deeply engaged in what was going on, and very much at peace in her surroundings. Somehow these pictures made the news of her death on the Thursday much more shocking. We have lost now just our Queen, but the stability and continuity she represented, and that feels so emotional. Between the impact of the pandemic, the war in the Ukraine, and the worry about the cost of living crisis, the amount of profound changes we are living with keep stacking up, and are disorientating and unnerving.

For me, yesterday was also my late husband’s birthday, and that too was gut wrenching. It brought back memories of tines when we had tried to make his birthday special, but he was too unwell to always enjoy it. I was often so helpless to support him, as his ongoing health deterioration didn’t ameliorate for special occasions.

The tears have just flowed- not just for all these losses, but because of what they represent. We seek to honour flawed people, and we are all deeply flawed, but people trying to do their best, showing extraordinary courage in very different contexts. We lament, as we also give thanks for their lives.

I remember the verse from psalm 126 verse 5 ‘ those who sow in tears will reap with joyful song’. At the moment, that feels difficult to imagine, yet we trust………

Eternal God, from the rising of the sun to its setting, Your name is to be praised. We go through seasons of loss and heartache, where our tears are so raw, we can no longer discern the specific cause, as loss piles upon loss. Maybe part of getting older, is witnessing all the changes in the world, and learning to find acceptance and peace. Lord Jesus, you look upon people with compassion, You see our earthly struggles and our many tears. Not a tear falls, that You do not see. We give you thanks for the richness of life, for the inspirational people who seek to do good. Holy spirit, as the tears flow, comfort us in our grief. Thankyou that there is always a rainbow after the heaviest shower, a ray of hope after the darkest night, eternal life with God, after our mortal life on this earth. We live with both a torrent of tears, and also with the prospect of new birth and resurrection, and so we find strength and peace. Thankyou, heavenly Father, Amen.

Sparkling ice crystals

Wonder!

I have been called away to spend time with God. I am so relieved, as the cares of this world are so heavy. In the last week, there has been so much sad and tragic news. My friends are suffering, and it is so tough. Life can be so cruel at times.

So I am up here in the Cairngorms, and it is stunning, whether it is overcast, or blue skies or raining – and it has been all three in the short time I have been here. The searing wind definitely blows all the cobwebs away!

The majesty of the white streaked mountains, contrasted with the black contoured ridges in so many curvy patterns absorbs your attention, and helps you to just be lost in the expansive vastness of the universe. And I had to find lochs nearby, just for the reflection.

Just being still in nature, can bring restoration and hope, even in the darkness of times. We need to keep choosing to look for the good and beautiful, even when we don’t feel like it.

Some one said ‘ in order to appreciate the beauty of a snowflake, it is necessary to stand out in the cold.’

It can be in the hardest of times, when life feels cold and hostile, that we can glimpse the greatest beauty.

‘He makes everything beautiful in its time.’ Ecclesiastes 3: 11

I took a bit of a circuitous route to get here last night. It was dark and the road more of a track than anything. But I saw the moon reflect on a loch with snow covered mountains around. I met deer who crossed the road in front of me. It was a beautiful journey, that I would have never had if I hadn’t left the beaten track ( or correct road). Even when we are on the road less travelled, may we marvel at the beauty.

Gracious God, sometimes we are lost in the dark, unsure of our direction. Yet You still guide us, and reveal to us unexpected beauty in the landscape, sparkly snow or moonlight reflected on a loch. Lord Jesus, reveal to us Your goodness and mercy to us, so that we might be entranced once more by your love. Sometimes we are hurting deeply, and do not understand. Holy spirit come alongside us, and bring to us your consolation and peace, Amen.