Dustbin lorries bring hope!

My bins are all full, but my house is full too. Despite my best efforts, there seems to be ‘stuff’ everywhere. And worse than this, the stuff symbolises memories, events and people. Many of these are good, but some are sad or poignant.

I have a number of black bags in the house, which I am categorising as being ‘ in transit’. They are no longer meant to be in the house, but the bin is full, so I wait for the bin lorry to come soon. ( even though I recycle what I can!)

This might all sound very trivial, but the decluttering symbolises my cry to God to cleanse my soul too. We have so many memories, sometimes that haunt us, and that we try to bury. But actually we need to take them out into the light, and to look at them, and ask God to heal us. Sometimes we need to forgive, or sometimes to ask forgiveness. And then to let them go. And it has to happen one memory at a time- such a painstaking process, but it is the only way to make space, and to find peace.

Readings from Ecclesiastes 3 figure largely in my life just now- there is a time for everything, amongst others, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to be silent, and a time to speak.

This seems to be a time of cleansing, of letting go, of making space. But it is painful. To make space means to let go of old ways and assumptions, and to embrace new ways forward. And the new way is not always clear, and it is easy to take a wrong turn. And then I have to forgive myself, and seek God’s strength to find the right path.

Every now and again, I catch a glimpse of what space and freedom feels like. It could be receiving an act of kindness or being understood, or a moment of peace. And it is such a revelation, a moment of integration, and of communion with God. Breathtaking and inspirational momentary solace. And then it is back to looking at the black bags again. They are on their way out- honest…….

Gracious God, in this season of Lent, we are more aware of our shortcomings, and of the darkness within. We confess our struggles once more, our desire to hang on to stuff from the past, because its familiarity brings comfort. Lord Jesus, show us what you desire of us this day. We trust that You still have a good purpose for our lives. Holy spirit, reveal to us the truth about ourselves, cleanse us from all that weighs us down, and heal our sorrow. Thankyou that You understand our frustration, for letting go is such slow and painful work. May we have a loving community around us, to support us in our healing process, Amen

Sparkling ice crystals

I have been called away to spend time with God. I am so relieved, as the cares of this world are so heavy. In the last week, there has been so much sad and tragic news. My friends are suffering, and it is so tough. Life can be so cruel at times.

So I am up here in the Cairngorms, and it is stunning, whether it is overcast, or blue skies or raining – and it has been all three in the short time I have been here. The searing wind definitely blows all the cobwebs away!

The majesty of the white streaked mountains, contrasted with the black contoured ridges in so many curvy patterns absorbs your attention, and helps you to just be lost in the expansive vastness of the universe. And I had to find lochs nearby, just for the reflection.

Just being still in nature, can bring restoration and hope, even in the darkness of times. We need to keep choosing to look for the good and beautiful, even when we don’t feel like it.

Some one said ‘ in order to appreciate the beauty of a snowflake, it is necessary to stand out in the cold.’

It can be in the hardest of times, when life feels cold and hostile, that we can glimpse the greatest beauty.

‘He makes everything beautiful in its time.’ Ecclesiastes 3: 11

I took a bit of a circuitous route to get here last night. It was dark and the road more of a track than anything. But I saw the moon reflect on a loch with snow covered mountains around. I met deer who crossed the road in front of me. It was a beautiful journey, that I would have never had if I hadn’t left the beaten track ( or correct road). Even when we are on the road less travelled, may we marvel at the beauty.

Gracious God, sometimes we are lost in the dark, unsure of our direction. Yet You still guide us, and reveal to us unexpected beauty in the landscape, sparkly snow or moonlight reflected on a loch. Lord Jesus, reveal to us Your goodness and mercy to us, so that we might be entranced once more by your love. Sometimes we are hurting deeply, and do not understand. Holy spirit come alongside us, and bring to us your consolation and peace, Amen.

Breathtaking beauty in unsettling times

There are so many choices to make every day. So often I want to make the safe choice, to do less, to hide. It seems so tempting. There are times when this is what we need to do, in order to heal.

But I also think there are times when God calls us to go out, to make that change, to speak when it is unpopular, to take that next step.

I am reminded of Jesus saying to Peter out on the boat ‘come!’ So Peter got out of the boat, and walked on water, and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was frightened, and he began to sink, and he cried out ‘Lord, save me’. Immediately Jesus extended his hand to him and caught him.’ Matthew 14: 29-31a

It was night, and when Peter saw Jesus walk on water, he wanted to join him. When he was focused on Jesus he could do it, but when he doubted and got frightened he sank. Even then, Jesus caught him- immediately. What compassion and grace.

I had heard there were mandarin ducks in the area, and I thought I will never see any, it is not worth trying. Another part of me thought I will never know if I don’t try. And so I went out, and found this beautiful bird on the river! When I found the motivation to try, I found the very thing I sought.

Now I am not saying that every time we try, we will find what we are looking for. But I am saying that if we don’t try, we won’t find it. So sometimes like Peter, we need to have the courage to try, and we might just find the very thing we seek.

Gracious and patient God, You are so good to us, and You understand us when we feel negative and unmotivated, times when we give up trying. Lord Jesus, thankyou that You speak to us and remind is to come, and that good things are still possible, even moments of breathing beauty and kindness. In unsettling days, may Your holy spirit give us courage to get out of our boat, and to seek new adventures, and to continue to trust in Your good purposes. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

Finding new paths.

It is amazing how often at the beginning of a new year, we feel compelled to give up bad habits and to embrace new more healthy ones. This week, I was able to try a bit of hill walking, on a beautiful winter day. It was glorious!

However it didn’t start like this. It started with the thought, should I really be doing this. Finding the car park to start off with was hard enough, never mind the right path. The signs were far from clear, and it was only watching the wee group of people ahead, that gave me a clue which was the right gate to go through to start off. It was just a bit disorientating.

After I came back however, I had chatted to other people, consulted a map, and got my bearings much better. Now it has become familiar territory, and much easier to contemplate doing again.

It reminded me that doing things for the first time, is often pretty scary. However well prepared we are, we have to interpret new information, process our enviroment and find our direction. It takes energy and courage.

For people who are traumatised or grieving, there are many things that we need to learn to do, to be self aware and to have confidence to explore- whether it is making a choice, going out with friends or moving house. There are decisions that need to be made, and often we need to have courage to take that first step.

In psalm 119 it says: ‘ Your Word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path’. Knowing God’s Word helps us to honour Him in our decision making, and gives us a moral compass. His Holy spirit guides us as to what might harm us or bless us, and this helps us make the best decisions, even when they are scary or new. We give thanks that we are never alone, and that God guides us and helps us venture out on new paths.

Eternal Father, we often are anxious about going in new directions, and a bit worried how things might turn out. In all our ways may we acknowledge You, and may you make our paths straight. Lord Jesus when we are hurting, we often lack confidence or motivation to try something different. It can seem so daunting. Please calm our fears, and may your holy spirit guide our feet and give us courage to explore, and to find new paths that lead to beautiful vistas, wonder and blessing, Amen.