Space to be- even at the airport!

I recently have had the privilege to travel. It has been so good to visit wonderful friends, and I am so blessed.

However the journeying process was challenging, especially some of the baggage checks. The queue was busy, and you had to put your stuff in plastic trays to go through the scanner. But to get the plastic tray on the conveyor belt, you had to make a space, and basically that meant pushing some one else’s stuff out the way. For a while, I chose not to do this, but as time went by, all that happened was that everyone else pushed passed. I would have been there for the whole day, if I didn’t choose, very reluctantly, to push away a tray on the conveyor belt to make space for my tray.

This sounds like such a trivial thing, but it became enormously symbolic. In order to live well, we all need to have space to be. It didn’t harm anyone to put my tray up, but what it did, was release me to get on with my journey.

In the Christian life, we desire to love and serve others, and this is such a privilege. We take up our cross, as Jesus says in Luke 9:23. It is a great choice to make, but sometimes the danger can be that we burn out. We are so busy making space for others, we do not have space to be, to pray, to receive from God, to play, to enjoy. We need good boundaries, in order to be well enough to love and serve others.

Our holiday with our amazing friends is such a blessing, and it is a wonderful time to reflect, and to rediscover the importance of space and beauty, prayer and connection. God reminds me that he calls His children to enjoy Him and His stunning creation, and to know the comfort, healing and guidance of His spirit.

May we all find space to be, to take time to heal, to rest, to find perspective, to start again.

Risen Lord, we desire to take up our cross and follow you. Sometimes the load is heavy, and we are worn down. Holy spirit, whisper your words to us, that Word from God in season, that we need to hear. Creator God, help us find space in our lives to come and rest with You, to receive Your love. May the things of this world not crowd You out, or diminish Your voice. Teach us to prioritise, to have space to listen, to heal and to find restoration and peace. In your Son’s precious name, Amen.

‘A grief that feels like fear’

There is a new film out about C S Lewis ‘The most reluctant convert’. I would love to see it, and to find out more about C S Lewis’s life. CS Lewis was born in Belfast, fought in world war one, lectured at Oxford University, and was a friend of JRR Tolkien. He was a fascinating man, who went through a long period of his life as an atheist. However in 1929 he became a Christian. He wrote many books of insights about Christianity, as well as the famous Narnia series. He also wrote a philosophical book about ‘The problem of pain.’

Later in his life he married Joy Davidman Gresham, and sadly she developed cancer, and died in 1960. Lewis then wrote a slim book ‘ A grief observed’ about how it felt to lose someone. It is very intense, and I want to share a quotation from the beginning of the book:

‘No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing.

At other times it feels like bring mildly drunk or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps gard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another, and not to me.’

I find this quotation so deeply moving, such an accurate description of the physical sensations of grief, a mixture of detachment and fear. And he speaks of that restlessness, where you cannot settle or concentrate, you want company, but you don’t have the focus to listen properly. It is like living a vortex of contradictions, that are confusing and disorientating. You wonder if things will ever feel different.

In John chapter 11: verse35, it says ‘Jesus wept’. He wept over the death of his friend Lazarus, and was deeply moved by the grief and bewilderment of Mary and Martha. His was troubled at all that was taking place.

Jesus understands our grief, even when it is raw and unsightly, even when we are sobbing, eyes red and face blotchy. He doesn’t turn away, but sticks with us closer than a brother, holding us in the pain and questioning and emptiness. The presence of Jesus doesn’t solve all our problems, but His love quietens our soul, and helps us to heal and rest, and to carry us through sleepless nights of replaying memories and of lamentation. And so we keep trusting.

Eternal Father, You look upon us with mercy and grace, especially when we feel alone and struggling. We mourn over so many losses, some so very raw and others that recur from the past, catching us unawares. As we struggle with powerful and difficult emotions, Lord Jesus You come alongside us and weep with us. You sing over us, and quieten us with your love, bringing your healing lullaby of peace to our exhausted souls. Your Holy spirit helps us not to fear, and carries us through the darkest of nights, enabling us to rest. Thankyou Lord, Amen.

One step at a time.

I have discovered that I am not a very patient person. For some people, they will not be surprised to hear this. I often have ideas, a plan, and can’t wait to put it all into practise. I am enthusiastic!

God often challenges my plans however. I often need to rethink, to pray, to ponder, to consider what to do, and what is true to my identity as a child of God.

Over Christmas, I had covid 19. I tested positive, I talked to track and trace, I self isolated for 10 days along with my son. I am so fortunate it wasn’t worse, it was just like a bad flu, headaches, feeling achy, a lack of taste and smell, a cough, fatigue etc. It was very unpleasant, and lasted just over a week, until the symptoms started to lessen. I was relieved that it didn’t get worse, and as far as I know, that I didn’t give it to anyone else. I took all the precautions, I used my mask and anti bacterial stuff, and I am grateful that I am here. I so pray for others who have it, that they heal and have no complications.

I am so very thankful, but I do have low energy. I know I need to rest until I feel better. I am doing the essentials at work, and trying to self care. I am learning so much, for even a walk in the park leaves me exhausted, so I need to only do a few things each day. Things I took for granted, are not available to me right now.

And so I need to learn to be patient, to take one step at a time. I need to acknowledge that I rely on God completely, to give me energy, to guide my path, or even allow me just to rest. Resting can be restorative and peaceful, as long as I allow myself not to feel guilty over what I cannot do.

I remember the words of psalm 40:

‘ I waited patiently on the Lord, He turned to me and heard my cry.’

I need to pray, rest, and at the right time, take a wee step forward, and then rest. I am blessed with lovely supportive, prayerful family and friends, with my encouraging dog, with food and water and a warm place to live. I try to use this time to dream, and read and listen to inspirational music. I seek to develop a more thankful heart, and to notice the beauty all around, and for God to teach me to be more patient.

Let us pray, Gracious Father, we cry to You for all who are unwell this day, with covid 19, with cancer or other conditions, chronic and acute. Lord Jesus, we thank you for our incredible paramedics and health care teams, doing an amazing job in hospitals and GP practices around the country. Plesse bless them, give them wisdom and stamina, to care for those who are sick and dying, and for their relatives. For those who are recuperating, please help them to pace themselves, to rest, to breath, to self care. Holy spirit of God, thankyou for the power of prayer. May we pray for one another, to show kindness, to provide practical help, to get prescriptions or shopping. We thanks You for vaccination programmes, and pray that they would protect the most vulnerable. Help us all to be patient, as we seek to keep well, and to make good choices that keep others safe. May we be patient just a bit longer, as we watch and pray, for we ask it in Your Son’s precious name, hear our cry we pray, Amen.

Changing colours of autumn.

This weekend, the weather has been glorious, and the colours rich and vibrant. The soft autumn sunshine, azure skies and soft clouds floating by are idyllic. The sun has been surprisingly warm, and if you find a sheltered spot, it is like being touched by the love of God.

Yet the message of all of this, is that the seasons are changing, that the leaves are starting to turn, and then to fall, sometimes gently, sometimes in a stormy frenzy of whirl.

Autumn brings hope, because it reminds us that change can be beautiful. As human beings, we often seem stuck, stuck in grief or trauma or illness. We get used to it, and forget that there is another way to live.

Jesus was always on the move, going to different places, meeting new people, praying, challenging people as to how they could follow him. He was never static. So we too are called to be open to learning, to explore our creativity, to deepen our spirituality, to be fashioned into the very image of Christ. The Holy spirit is ever at work within us.

When we enjoy the changing autumn colours, I think God is also inviting us to change- to somehow find deeper healing from the past, and the courage to move on. This seems to be slow, painstaking work. We complain as the leaves fall, as there is so much to let go of, regrets, old patterns of thinking, difficult memories, dark hurts. Yet if the tree lies bare for a winter, by spring there is new life, new growth, new colour.

For all those entranced by the melancholy beauty of autumn, may we allow God to search our souls, guide our thoughts, to help us to choose wisely, to establish a new rhythm of life. It might be a painful transition involving reflection and self awareness, but my prayer for all of us, is that we are able to keep going forward

Let us pray, Lord Jesus, we strive to go forward, to move on from the past, but unbidden memories can force their way to the surface. Cleanse us by your holy spirit, and give us the vision of better things that are to come, of new growth and energy. And on days when it just seems too hard, may we just rest in the warmth of your love, and find your gift of deep, healing peace in your rays of light. Thankyou Father God, that we can rest with you, to marvel at Your beauty, and be in communion with You, Amen.

Beauty healing the soul

Dear friends, what a journey we have all been on – the fears and stresses of covid 19 and Lockdown, and the gradual release of restrictions. And as we begin to reflect on all that has happened, we are gradually realising more of the devastation that has taken place, and the impact of this time on our world, our community, and on us as individuals. The ripples are still gradually spreading outward, and the impact of the loss of freedom, employment, health and precious lives is just beginning to be felt more keenly.

Our Christian faith helps us in times of stress and exhaustion, and it seems important to ask for a summer of rest and restoration, to have time for God to repair the damage to our souls, to heal our broken hearts, to give us space to find our healing and equilibrium. Our lives have been turned upside down, and in this time of fluidity, many of us have questioned what is really a priority in our lives. It is a time of soul searching and of seeking God’s guidance as to the way ahead.

My own experiences are still pretty raw, but I know that many people share these same type of difficult memories and pain, so I wanted to offer a few ways to self care over the summer months, that might help us on our journey.

God provides all we need, and He gives us nurture for our souls, as we read the bible, listen to praise music, and ask Him to speak to our souls – he brings us a Word in season. Worship also reminds us of the bigger eternal persepective, which helps us put our own situation into context. The joy of singing ( by ourselves, and for me, with no-one listening!) enables us to lose ourselves in God’s love.

God inspires us in so many ways through Creation- through the grandour of the hills, the roar of the sea, the babble of a stream – and sooths our souls.

God wants us to take care of our bodies also – the temple of the holy spirit – by eating healthily, taking exercise, and resting.

Sometimes sitting with a blanket, a candle and a journal, can create the space, so we can hear from the Holy spirit, and find our healing and peace.

“He lets me rest in green meadows, He leads me beside peaceful streams,

He renews my strength.” Psalm 23: 2 NLT translation

Let us pray – Dear God, all wise and all knowing,

Look upon your children, in our weariness and brokenness,

Lord Jesus, grant us forgiveness and grace, rest and peace,

So we can worship You in the beauty of Your holiness,

And be lost in wonder, love and praise,

And know once more, that all is indeed well, Amen

Meditation 5