From overwhelm to peace.

I was having an off day. Do you ever have a day when you feel out of step with what is going on around you? I was ruminating over some different things that I just couldn’t figure out. So I got up early in the morning, went out and sat down on a seat overlooking the water.

Thoughts were going round in my head. Is this the right way forward, so was it too much? Should I factor this in? What about this? However I looked at my dilemna, I just couldn’t work it out. The harder I tried, the least it all made sense. It was exhausting and dispiriting.

After a long time, I looked at the seat I was in. It was a wee double seat, and I thought God was saying to me- you don’t need to work it all out right now. Jesus is with you- just know He is present and find peace.

This was such a relief. There was me trying to figure so many things out, and Jesus was just inviting me to know He was there, and that this was enough. I still didn’t have all the answers, but I was seen and loved by the King of the universe, and this in itself was wonderful.

Instead of wracking my brain, I just needed to listen to God. It reminded me of words from Jeremiah:

‘Call to me and I will answer you, and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ Jeremiah 33:3

It is reassuring that we are not left to our own devices, but can trust that God is wise and knows all things, and all we need to do is listen. What a great way to exist. We don’t have to figure it out by ourselves, relying on our own devices. We can bring our cares and worries to God, and ask Him to help. What a blessing.

Gracious God, we are like stubborn children trying to be independent and do things ourselves. And we are always surprised it doesn’t work. Forgive us for our pride and self reliance. Lord Jesus, thank you for the invitation to come to You, and to find peace in your presence. Thank you that we do not need to figure everything out, but just to trust. May your holy spirit guide us, and help us discern Your voice, Your message of love, in Jesus’name, Amen.

Inspirational nature!

This week, I had the privilege of visiting Akagera national park in Rwanda. We left at 4am, to arrive early to have the best possibility to see the animals. They are more likely to be out in the cool of the morning or evening, going down to a waterhole for a drink. Everyone is looking for the ‘big five’ – lions, leopards, elephants, rhinos and buffalo!

Akagera park is in north eastern Rwanda, is 433 square miles wide, and consists of diverse habitats, including the Kagera river, lakes, swamps and savannah plains. It has an amazing variety of aminals, and over 400 different types of birds!

It is an extraordinary place to visit. Guides take you through the landscape on bumpy dust tracks in your vehicle- you round a corner and see hippos and crocodiles in the river, then giraffes walk across in front of you, and an elephant peers at you through the bushes. It does feel like the garden of Eden! There are so many birds with exotic hues and amazing songs. Stunning.

You can be travelling for a while, and just enjoy the views. Then suddenly you see a different species. The vehicle stops, the binoculars are out, and the debate starts. What kind of bird is that? Seeing a malachite kingfisher or a fish eagle is such a magnificent sight. And it is an exciting process just not knowing what you will see next.

Towards the end of the most memorable of days, we gathered on the plain, and watched zebra, waterbucks, buffalo, impala and lions. Surprisingly they were all sharing the same space very harmoniously. It might only have lasted for a few minutes, but they were all together and at peace.

It reminded me of the vision in Isaiah 11 of God’s holy mountain, where it says in verse 6

    ‘The wolf will live with the lamb,
    the leopard will lie down with the goat,
    the calf and the lion and the yearling together;
    and a little child will lead them.’

It is a vision of perfect harmony, when old fears, animosities and cruelties have melted away in the perfect presence of God, and all creatures and people are at peace.

Standing on the plain in this gorgeous place, it was a moment of stillness in the vastness of the landscape to experience the magnificence of God. It was pure worship, with a sense of the possibilities of revelation and hope, that one day the world can be a better place, a place where there is forgiveness, redemption and reconciliation. It is God’s gift to us, if only we will embrace it.

Creator God, what an imagination You have to have fashioned so many amimals and birds, each with a striking and unique design and personality. Thank you for quiet moments when we have an opportinity to consider Your creation, the work of Your hands. We are in awe of Your majesty and inventiveness. As your creatures we rebel and often live in strife and conflict, but You came Lord Jesus to give up Your life for us, to bring possibilities of reconciliation with You and with one another. May we leave behind jealousies and resentments, and choose to live in harmony and peace. May your holy spirit inspire us through moments of deep communion with nature, to see how You would like us to live, and to glimpse a foretaste of heaven. And may this inspire us to be peacemakers on earth, for Jesus sake, Amen..

The challenge of forgiveness.

The Rwandan genocide started on 7th April 1994, when there was an intense 100 days of bloodshed and atrocities against the Tutsi minority. The trigger for these murders and rapes was the assasination of the Rwandan President Habyarimana, but the evidence is that the subsequent killings were preplanned and premeditated.

There are many factors that lead to the genocide- colonial influences, such as the Belgians instigating a divisive national identity card with identification of Hutu or Tutsi, tribal tensuons, the UN failing to honour the Arusha peace agreement, or to listen to Lieutenant General Dallaire’s advice on the ground, the international community not taking the cries of the Rwandan people seriously. The list could go on.

After the President’s helicopter went down, road blocks were set up, Hutu militias started searching houses looking for Tutsis who were accused of the assassination, neighbours macheted neighboura, and there was a devastating frenzy of violence. Some moderate Hutus tried to shield Tutsis, but were often killed as a result. Films like Hotel Rwanda give a flavour of what these days were like- an apocalypse of vicious hatred and barbarism. It is estimated that a million people died in these 100 days, with many people missing, and their bodies lacking any form of identification or burial. The numbers of dead were too many to count, and the individual stories harrowing in the extreme. Many fled the country and went to refugee camps across the border.

So in the years after the genocide, the focus was on how to honour the dead, how to pursue justice and to forgive. The government of Paul Kagame – the former RPF leader- began a programe of rebuilding. The UN’s International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda, the Rwandan court system, and the community led Gacaca courts sought to bring justice for the survivors.

Yesterday I visited the Kigali Genocide Memorial, where 250,000 bodies are buried. The permanent exhibition gives a poignant, detailed and horrific account of the events leading up to the genocide, and of the genocide itself.

This is a quotation from one of the survivors ‘There will be no humanity without forgiveness, there will be no forgiveness without justice, but justice will be impossible without humanity.’ It is so complex, and the wounds are deep, but people are searching for a way forward.

In Ephesians 4:32 Paul writes “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

This is a beautiful teaching, to be kind and compassionate. We need more of this in the world. But how do we forgive? Remembering how much Jesus Christ has forgiven our sins is a great starting place, for this motivates us to forgive. The meaning of forgiveness is that we let go of hatred in our hearts, not necessarily that we become the friend of the person who hurt us- and they are still accountable for their actions. Letting go of ill will is one thing, but learning to trust again is a whole different thing.

In the last few days I have had the privilege of listening to genocide survivors, people who have often lost their spouses and many of their children. Their stories are harrowing, the emotions often raw even after all this time. Yet in the midst of this, you meet many people who mourn the violent history of the past, but also somehow find the courage to try to let go of past betrayals and to seek to rebuild. There is generational damage, but also a desire to ask God to help them. The work of Comfort International supports this societal and individual healing process in its projects with genocide survivors, street children and many other ministries. Sometimes the work of forgiveness starts with practical action, with creating safe places to tell stories, to connect with God, self and others. It takes a long time, there can be setbacks and misunderstandings, but it is the only road to healing. May we all have courage to pursue paths of peace.

Eternal Father, we seek to pursue paths of peace, but when there is violence, hurt and betrayal, it is so hard – the wound is so very deep. Lord Jesus on the cross, you said Father forgive, for they do not know what they are doing. Lord Jesus today we pray that all people would gave a desire to forgive, and that this would help them heal. We recognise that the perpetrator is still accountable for their actions, and we leave this with you. Meantime holy spirit, soften hard hearts, enable confession and accountability, forgiveness and freedom. We thank you for the example of many brave genocide survivors, and pray that You would show us how to live, with compassion and forgiveness as central to our lives. Give us wisdom we pray, Amen.

Rwanda adventure!

I have the enormous privilege of being out in Rwanda with Comfort International. Comfort International is a developmental charity, whose focus is to help rebuild lives of those affected by poverty, conflict and genocide. I am out visiting some of their partner projects, to support their work, and to meet some of the people involved.

As a country, Rwanda has had a difficult history after the genocide against the Tutsi in 1994, when almost a million died in 100 days of violence. If you want to read more about what happened, two books give some insights into it. One is the book by Philip Gourevitch ‘We wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families’ and the ‘Shake hands with the devil’ by Romeo Dallaire, a Lieutenant General of the Canadian forces present in Rwanda in 1994. These are very painful and difficult reads, but they tell the story of what happened in more detail. The most awful thing is that a nunber of people are of the opinion that the genocide could have been prevented, if the 1993 Arusha peace agreements had been enforced.

A new government has tried to bring stability to the country, but the wounds run deep. Comfort International was founded in 1999, and started to work with partners to support some of those worst affected, orphans, families and genocide survivors. It has now expanded its work to neighbouring countries like Burundi, Democratic Republic of Congo, South Sudan and Uganda.

There is too much to put into a blog, but I am part of a team visiting Comfort Babies, working with young families. It was such a privilege to meet some of the young mums and their families, and to hear their stories.

We also went to one of the Street Children projects, working with children who were often abandoned by their parents, and who were living in the nearby rubbish dumps. The testimonies of these children, of what had happened to them, and the support given to them by the project were deeply moving. Some of them were so young, but had already seen so much in their short lives. We pray for them, to be able to find the support they need.

We have also visited a Genocide Survivors group, who spoke about their experiences 32 years ago. One man lost his sight, another experienced the deaths of 10 relatives, and the stories of the women are equally harrowing. For some people they found relief in telling their stories, just knowing that they were heard. For others, God had brought healing and helped them find a new way forward, and they were thankful.

It is hard to know how to respond to such tragic stories of violence, trauma and inhumanity. As a start, maybe just holding the space to hear their stories, to weep with them, to pray and to seek to build community and trust is all we can do.

Gracious God, we are heartbroken by stories of violence and brutality, with devastating consequences for communities and across generations. Lord God soften our hearts that we might listen attentively, and respond with compassion and prayer. Lord Jesus Christ, you spent time with those you met on the road, you healed the sick, you listened and loved. Thank you for showing us the value of each human life, and the need to treat all with dignity and respect. In places where there has been wounding and brokeness bring healing and restoration. Holy spirit, help us to be challenged to respond, to pray, to give and to take action, to seek to prevent hatred and violence from prevailing. In the conflict between good and evil, may the cross remind us that love prevails over hatred, and light over darkness, and so may we recommit ourselves to work for all that is good. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Spiritual detours.

The roads around Glasgow just now are difficult to navigate, with road works, road closures and diversions. That yellow diversion sign can strike fear into any driver, as the organisers seem to delight in omitting one sign from the sequence. All too often, you are on a diverted road, and then you come up to a roundabout and there is no sign. Does that mean you go straight on, or do you guess. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to it, and surprisingly, following the car in front doesn’t always work! And so you can end up many miles from where you are trying to go.

The other evening, following another glorious detour, I found myself in the most gorgeous countryside. It was so beautiful and previously unknown to me. I decided that this detour had had a good outcome.

Sometimes we think we know where we are going in life. We have an idea of our direction- but then it doesn’t work out. Something unexpected happens, and we have to take a different path. It can be upsetting and unnerving- even scary.

The encouraging thing is that when we are questioning or uncertain, I think that is when God draws particularly close. And He guides us. In Isaiah 41 verse 10 it says:

‘Fear not, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.‘

When we are lost, or setting out in a new direction, God takes us by the hand and strengthens us. We are not alone, we are seen and loved and protected. It might be a difficult path- I need to be real- that happens. Yet God gives us grace and sometimes along the way, we find such unexpected beauty and inspiration. We are thankful that God walks with us on our journey.

Gracious God, You love to guide the footsteps of your children with the tender care of the very best Father. Sometimes we get lost, or get tired and stumble. Yet you pick us up, and refresh our spirits. You give us a moment to rest, and restore our purpose. Lord Jesus you were with the two disciples on the Emmaus road, but it took them a while to recognise You. May we trust that You are with us, even when we do not sense your presence. Holy spirit, guide us into the path of your choosing, and help us know that nothing is wasted, no experience is beyond your grace. May we trust that even in the detours, You can reveal beauty, purpose and hope. Thank you, Lord God, Amen.

Saying thank you!

Recently I have been engaging with utility companies to get some work done in the house. This can be frustrating, involving endless phonecalls, changing passwords and protracted negotiations.

However now and again, a company does something really good. They respond to your call, do what you ask promptly, and the repair is made.

The interesting thing is when you try to thank them. Some companies don’t have a facility to thank them. When you look on the website, there is a bit for complaints, but no category for appreciation or positive feedback.

So I decided to phone the company. There was no option for thanking them. I was on hold for 20 minutes trying to get through. When I did, I had to give my details and password and then when they asked me for the nature of my enquiry, I said I wanted to say thank you. The call handler laughed and said in all the years that he had worked in the call centre, no one ever phoned to thank them for doing a good job. (I am sure that was not true).

As a society however, we seem to have forgotten how to say thank you. We find it easy to be negative, to complain, to criticise. We are less likely to thank or show appreciation.

It reminds me of the story from Luke 17 of the ten men with leprosy. When they became well, only one came back to thank Jesus. I think that God might be challenging us to have more thankful hearts. We can be thankful for family and friends, for work and purpose, for faith and life itself- just to be able to breath each day. For all we have, we are called to thank God.

If we are thankful to God, I think then we can be more thankful to each other. And this is no small thing. In our society there is such a wave of impatience, fear, frustration and suspicion. To be respectful, to be humorous, to be compassionate can be countercultural. It challenges some of the destructive social norms of the day, and reminds people that thanksgiving, civility and appreciation are meant to be the norm rather than the exception. Perhaps if we live like this, every time we are more thankful and appreciative, then maybe we can change the spiritual temperature just a little, and share possibilities of hope for a better world.

Loving Lord Jesus Christ, You call us to be salt and light in our society, to model your truth, compassion and concern for justice in our lives. We confess though it is so easy to get caught up in the mood of the crowd, to gossip, to criticise, even to hate. Father, forgive us. Where are hearts have become hard, soften them, where are attitudes have become worldly, cleanse us and bring renewal to the thoughts in our mind. By your holy spirit humble us and enable us to see clearly, to be thankful for all we have. And then inspire us to show that spirit of generosity and thanksgiving to others. For your glory’s sake and in Jesus’ name, Amen

Locked in the bathroom

This morning, I was coming out of the bathroom, ready to face the day. I pushed down on the door handle, only for it to sheer off in my hand. It was a really stiff handle to start with, so try as I might, I just couldn’t get the door handle to budge.

With a prayer, and an internal resolution to stay calm, I tried using a towel to gain some purchase. That didn’t work. Then I decided to try watching you tube, and to use my nailfile to take the door handle panel off, but the screws were painted over. Not to be deterred, I tried other things- the recommendation was to use a credit card to lever the metal bit back, but it was an inward moving door.

A different approach was needed. There was a small window, but I was on the first floor. If I was young and agile I could have jumped onto the porch roof, and then onto the ground. That’s what they do in the films, but it did not seem like a great option for me!

I was fine, but still not able to get anywhere. Then I decided to look for a local, friendly, available locksmith. I was fortunate enough to have my phone with me. Friends gave advice, local people tried to help. At one point I thought of shouting help out the window.

Eventually, after many adventures, my son came and tried climbing up the bin. A very kind and wonderful local lady found another neighbour with a ladder, and then my son climbed onto the porch roof, and gave me tools through the open window to get what was left of the door handle to turn. At last, freedom.

The saying is that all heroes don’t wear capes. I was so grateful to my son climbing up onto the roof to help, for local people trying to get a locksmith for me, for the man who lent us a ladder, for a community of friends who offered helpful suggestions.

It reminded me of the verse from Galatians 5:13 ‘serve one another in love.’ A whole group of people worked together to get me out, and I am so grateful. Everyone played a part.

That is how the world should be, how the church should be. Not judgemental- how did you break the door handle in the first place! Not self absorbed- walking on the other side of the street head down. But rather looking for ways to help and to bless.

I am so grateful to all those who helped and prayed, and for God who set me free. May we all be able to trust Him even in the most unlikely of circumstances, and may there always be some one willing to help each one of us.

Gracious God, You hold the whole world in your hands, so a broken door handle is nothing to You. Help us turn to You when we need help, and may we as a community be there for one another. Help us not to squabble and be concerned only about ourselves. Lord Jesus you heard the cry of those who were sick, felt rejected or were marginalised. You sent your Holy Spirit to set the captive free, to heal the sick, to bring the lost back to the fold. Thank you that You never let us down, and that because of the cross, You invite us into that heavenly fold where there is no more mourning or crying or pain. May we trust You in this life and the next, in all things big and small, in Jesus name, Amen

Choosing to walk in the light

The 21st of June is the summer solstice in the northern hemisphere, the day with the longest light and least dark. Sunrise today in Glasgow is 4.27am, and sunset 21.40 – giving over 17 hours of light. The light is so glorious, and such a contrast to the 21st of December when in Glasgow there is just 7 hours of daylight. You so notice the difference here in different seasons, and many people have seasonal affective disorder, where the longer hours of darkness disrupt your circadian rhythm and lower serotonin levels, leaving you feeling pretty miserable.

There are all kinds of darkness, not just physical but emotional and spiritual. Sometimes the pressures of life can seem overwhelming, whether family pressures, a stressful workplace or just the woes of the world. We can feel that it is all a bit much- the latest humanitarian disaster, another conflict, more bad news.

In the midst of all this, I believe that God invites us to choose to walk in the light. We can dwell on the negative, endlessly scroll on our phone, and be full of self pity at the things that haven’t worked out. Or we can ask God to help us see things differently.

In first John chapter one, we are exhorted to ‘walk in the light of God’ v7. But how do we do that? Our circumstances haven’t changed, so how do we look to the light, when we are surrounded by grey and shade?

There are all kind of answers, but one strand might be to ask God to help us focus on His character and what He is doing. The bible tells us that God is forgiving and good, true and merciful, loving and just, and that in Christ He ultimately invites us all to dwell forever in His forgiving and abundant love. This alone brings us hope and purpose, if our calling is to know that incredible love and to share it with those around.

Meantime however we live in this human world with its pain and suffering, It can be tough to cope each day with disappointment or ill health or distressing memories. In Jesus’ teaching though he asks us to cast our cares on Him, not to worry, to trust and to hope. He says he will give us strength for each day, that he will heal our wounds and lift up our heads.

Jesus’ life on earth, as seen in the gospels, was characterised by teaching, healing, challenging, sharing meals and joy. However he also faced opposition, rejection, violence and betrayal. And this means he understands our most difficult of human experiences, and shows solidarity with us. He comes alongside us and through the cross, brings understanding and hope, possibilities of healing, forgiveness and grace. He sends His Holy Spirit to minister to us.

The amazing fact that the Almighty God of all the universe, can humble himself to come alongside us in our human struggles and weaknesses lifts our spirits. We are not alone, we are seen and we are loved. Jesus walks with us, and His presence dispels the darkness, and brings us hope. May we always choose to look to Him, so we can walk in the light of His love.

Father God- we have to be honest- the world can be a dark place of heartbreak and sorrow and injustice. We lament all that is broken and shattered by poverty, violence and greed. Lord Jesus Christ, you experienced the most hateful and vile side of human nature, yet You choose to love. Teach us how to live in your love, to forgive, to persevere, to hope, to trust. Even when all seems lost, may we invite Your Holy Spirit to come, to take from us that critical and negative spirit, and instead help us to see the possibilities for good. Lift us from the dark slough of despond, bring us back onto the path, give us courage, and help us choose to walk in Your light. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Gaudi’s legacy…

Last year I had the privilege of visiting the Sagrada Familia Basilica in Barcelona. What a gorgeous, imaginative, exhuberant place of worship. It was the most amazing structure, the exterior with intricate carvings of the Nativity and Easter stories, and luscious motifs of plants and animals. And the interior was flooded with a kaleidoscope of colour and light.

Although the building was full of tourists, it still felt like a place built for God’s glory, and every time you turned round, you saw a new detail which caught your attention. It is a building of creativity and rich symbolism.

The really striking thing about the basilica is not just the awesome building dedicated to God. It was also the back story of Antoni Gaudi himself. He was a Catalan architect who designed many buildings around Barcelona and in northern Spain. His work was distinctive- with swirling interweavings of colour and form, of nature and of Christian symbols.

When it came to the Sagrada Familia, this was such a mammoth project, Gaudi knew it might not be finished in his life time. He started work on it in 1882, and had a whole team of architects and craftsmen working on it. It was a struggle to get people to fund such a complex structure. This was Gaudi’s final project, and he lived humbly, working on it each day. In 1926 he was hit by a tram on the street. He was dressed in an old shabby coat, and no one recognised him, so it took a while for him to be taken to hospital, and he subsequently died of his injuries.

Such a tragic story- a man with such a devotion to God, such a dedication to his art, lay injured in the streets in the city, unknown and unrecognised.

I was reminded of all this, when I saw the celebrations of the final stone being put in place last week. It was a beautiful celebration, with the fireworks and torch light worship. After 144 years, it was finally finished and Gaudi’s vision was realised. The representation of Gaudi in the sky looking at his creation with approval seeemed so fitting and so healing. It was just a pictorial representation, but the inclusion of this image felt like a spiritual completion. After all the setbacks and difficulties, at last he knew his creation was finished, and a blessing and inspiration to many. It felt so moving and meaningful.

It makes me think what is the legacy we are leaving behind us? We might not leave stunning architecture, but we might leave an example of what kindness, or love might look like (within our limitations). As Christians too, what is the legacy we leave?We do pray for the generation to come, but the younger generation often perceive we have left them a legacy of conflict, climate change and a culture of greed and individualism. In the midst of such contemporary chaos, the concept of legacy challenges all of us- how can we leave something worthwhile?

In psalm 78, the psalmist says: ‘We will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, His power and the wonders He has done’. The psalmist wanted to share with the next generation the love snd wonder of God. Are we bold enough to share our faith also, the thing that is most precious to us, and to commit to prayer for this world. Surely, this is the very best that we can do.

Eternal God, our lives are finite, like grass that grows, flourishes and fades away. May we use each day for Your glory’s sake, making the most of every minute. Forgive us Lord Jesus that sometimes we are consumed with petty trivialities and superficial pleasures. Teach us to have a vision of what You can do through us. May we listen to Your Holy Spirit inspiring us to be faithful, loving, creative beings. Show us how to love, and how we may intentionally and prayerfully seek to leave a meaningful legacy to all those who come after us, so we can bless the generation to come, in Jesus’ name, Amen

Sunshine and showers

What a day- I have got soaked so many times, but in the midst of it all is such sunshine and colour. One minute you are wet and have soggy, squelchy shoes. Next minute, there is a rainbow reflected in the puddles- didn’t manage to capture that on camera though!

Life feels like this just now also. One minute you are making progress, next minute you are going backwards. There are times when the beauty of the world inspires, and then the ugliness of hatred and violence is heavy. There are times of good news and celebration, and times of suffering and dying.

In Deuteronomy chapter 31 verse 8: it says ‘It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not leave or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.’

Whatever our situation, heavy or light, sad or happy, God is with us, and prepares the way. We are not to doubt, even when there are obstacles- heavy rain or giant puddles, setbacks and frustations. He reassures us with the patient care of the best parent, and keeps us safe. And so we do not fear.

Gracious Father God, the landscape on a day of sunshine and flowers is covered with reflective drops of moisture that sparkle and dance. It is the contrast which is glorious. Our lives are filled simultaneously with such deep sorrow and radiant grace. Lord Jesus, Your love helps the sadness be bearable. Your presence enables us to celebrate the good. Thank you for the richness of life. Holy spirit, comfort us when we feel desolate and alone, remind us of the joy of our God which is our strength. Bless all who feel under a dark cloud this day, and may rays of sunshine break through and bring hope. Amen.