Running on empty!

With the recent rises in fuel costs, I got into the habit of putting less fuel in my car! Now I know that is not logical. Half filling the tank each time looked as if I wasn’t paying so much, but obviously just meant I had less fuel to get anywhere. And this meant that little warning light above keeps coming on- get to a garage, as you have very little fuel left.

This started me musing in other areas, for it feels as if for many of us, we are spiritually running on empty. In the time leading up to Christmas, we seem to be trying to do too much, without enough resources. It is like we are trying to make up for the last two Christmases, when the restrictions of the pandemic kept us isolated. And so now we have works nights out, trying to catch up with friends, travelling to see family. We have nativity services, community lunches, charity concerts, plus Christmas cards and trees and food preparation. And this is against a background of food and fuel prices dramatically increasing, and a whole series of strikes. And temperatures of minus 7!

The strains on our society are immense just now, in terms of health and social care, in education and transport. The degree of misery and despair for some is immense, people not able to afford food or heat, in debt, struggling to find appropriate care for chronic health conditions, dealing with complex losses and bereavements.

So how can we spiritually refuel, and find any hope? Well I think the story of the first Christmas helps. Jesus was born to Mary, and to Joseph far from home, round the back of an inn amongst the animals. Things were difficult and messy that first Christmas. Yet in the midst of this, they were thankful for what they had, they trusted God, and they recognised the wonder of Jesus, the Son of God being born into the world. And the wonder of it filled their souls with joy and reverence and peace.

Maybe we need to slow down a little in Advent, and to do a bit less. It doesn’t have to be perfect. And if things go wrong, and relationships are strained, and finances are tight, simplifying things is ok. The best moments in life can be quiet moments, unexpected connections, glittery spiders webs, laughter with friends. It is being grateful for what we have, and taking time to be in the moment. It is only when we take time, then we are replenished and more able to then support others.

‘The Word became flesh and dwelt among us’ John 1:14. This means that God understands our struggles, grief and isolation. Jesus came into this world, to remind us of the enormity of God’s love for us, so we can receive that love and live in it. And the more time we spend in worship and contemplation, the more we are spiritually replenished and renewed. So may we take time to breathe, to enjoy sparkly lights, to listen to Christmas carols, to go to church, to notice and walk in the beauty of Creation. May we let God refuel our souls, so weariness might be replaced by peace, and emptiness by love, despair by hope.

Eternal Father, you sent Your precious Son Jesus Christ into this world, our Wonderful Counsellor and Prince of Peace, to bring joy to the world. At times our heads are down and our hearts are heavy, burdened by the grief and pain of our society. Even in our lowest moments, especially in these lowest moments, come along side us, and speak to us of your love and grace and truth. Babe of Bethlehem, Child in a manger, remind us that you are our Emmanuel, and that we are never alone. May we choose to make space to find spiritual refueling, and then to find strength to live each day. Holy spirit, breath new life into us, help us to have moments to rest, to give thanks, and to self care, for You love us with an everlasting love. Bless us with your peace. Amen.

Lighting a candle, who knew it could be so hard!

I am so enjoying lighting candles in this season of Advent. Candles speak to me of light and hope and life. They are so calming!

So I went to light a candle this morning, and I had run out of matches. That seems like a small thing, but the thing was it had enormous emotional overtones too. For about 30 years ago, my late husband Colin bought a batch of boxes of matches. In his usual exuberant way, he bought 30 boxes at a time. And we have been using these boxes of Cook’s matches over all this time. But today, when I went to look, the last one has gone, and I can’t find any more. It is another link with him that is gone.

December is such a poignant month. So many symbols of hope and love, families coming together, concerts and nativity plays, and the reverence and joy of Christmas services, and the celebration of the birth of our Lord.

Yet at the same time, you miss the people who aren’t there, you think of old memories, you feel an ache of what is missing. The shadow side of it all, that is often unspoken.

I am going to have to go out and buy new matches. I might shed a few tears, for life seems to be moving on, and I have no choice but to go with it. A little thing in the universal scheme of things, but such incidents affect so many bereaved people. And so we listen to each other’s stories, and weep together, even in the unlikeliest of places.

Gracious God, You are our Creator, and You have made this universe and planet to be good and beautiful. Yet there is a season for all things, and along with enjoying what is lovely, we are saddened by death and loss. Lord Jesus, be our light and shine in the darkness. Little things can have such resonance. We feel the pain, but know that life cannot stand still. Hope spirit, breath new life and energy into us, comfort us, and give us courage to move on, for Jesus sake, Amen.

There is still light in the sky….

I was driving a few weeks ago, and it got suddenly very dark. I was on narrow country roads, and then there was a diversion. The rain was heavy, the roads were flooded, and even with the high speed movement of the windscreen wipers, it was difficult to see. It was a very disorientating evening, and I wondered if I would ever arrive.

The thing that helped, was that there was still a little light in the sky. It was just a narrow band but it made all the difference. It orientated me in the midst of the twists and turns, and helped me keep my bearings.

Life seems so difficult these days, so much harshness in our society, health worries and concerns about how to keep a roof over our heads. Sometimes it can seem very dark.

I love the season of Advent, and the lighting of that first candle, however fragile and flickering. It just seems like a statement that there is still light and hope and love in the world. Even if we feel we are sitting in darkness just now, somewhere the light still shines. Whether we are wrestling with low mood, anxiety or sadness, God’s love is still our Guide.

In John chapter I verse 5 it says; the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness could not put it out’ Whatever we might be struggling with today, there is always hope, and possibilities of forgiveness and new beginnings. May we find courage to believe.

Gracious God, sometimes the world seems so dark, with conflict and ugliness and greed. It is easy to lose hope, and to despair of things getting better. Lord Jesus, thankyou for the Advent message of Your coming into the world as a vulnerable baby, revealing the very nature of God, and your promise to one day come back. Holy spirit, reveal to us more of the light, and may that light diminish our darkness, and help us find our path. Thankyou that there is always some light in the sky, in Jesus name, Amen.

Memories, painful, therapeutic or both?

Memory is such a powerful but mysterious part of our minds and our souls. We all remember in different ways, sometimes we are good at remembering numbers, or names, or faces. Sometimes our memories are coloured by subsequent happenings, and so are hard to work out. Memories can be strong or fuzzy, or different for different types of experiences. So much is inexplicable.

This season of Remembrance is vitally important. The principle of remembering those who gave their lives in the service of their country, along with those who returned, and thinking of their families is part of being a compassionate society. When people have sacrificed so much for the sake of others, they should be honoured and remembered.

The nature of the remembering is more tricky. Everyone has their own individual experiences and perceptions, so the overall experience can be varied. It can be hard to have balance- one veteran remembers with great thanksgiving the life of a fallen comrade, whilst another is lost in the traumatic memory of a grenade exploding. Remembering is poignant.

Sometimes we want to try and forget, to repress difficult memories, but then the danger is that they bubble back to the surface after doing much damage. So we need to remember, even tough recollections, so we can process them, and become more healthy. There are many therapeutic ways of doing this, if you find the right person to be supportive. All too many veterans come back with ptsd, and need specialised support and don’t always have access to this, causing damage to self and to others.

I think of Jesus at the last supper, saying about eating the bread, and drinking the wine ‘ do this in memory of me’. He wanted his friends to know that he was willing to lay down his life out of love, snd to keep this love central in the life of the community, by continuing to celebrate this sacrament. Remembering had a sad dimension, but also had an aspect of hope.

This Remembrance Sunday, I pray that no one is struggling with dark and traumatic memories of conflict and war alone. I pray that everyone would have a safe person to be supportive, and when relevant, to signpost them to effective help. In a day of powerful emotions, may there even yet, be a sense of love, and the possibility of hope.

Creator God, You created human beings to be so amazing, and to be so beautiful, yet we can also be so conflicted and damaged. Lord Jesus, thankyou that You suffered on the cross, and that You understand our struggles and traumatic and painful memories. May the light and love of Christ dissipate the power of experiences of darkness and violence. Bring healing to all who suffer the vicissitudes of war, so that each one can find peace and meaning. May your holy spirit heal our memories, so we are free to breathe and live once more, in Jesus name, Amen.

Fireworks and a broken ankle!

It is the season of Fireworks here in the UK. Guy Fawkes day and the 5th November are here. People often go to events where fireworks are let off, and make gorgeous colourful patterns of light in the sky. They can be spectacular!

However the other side of this, is that the noises and loud bangs can cause many problems. We know that for many dogs and cats, they are nervous or frightened, and they need a lot of soothing to get through it. There are music channels for pets, and sometimes they need medication.

For some humans too, firework season can be a nightmare, especially for veterans. My late husband Colin was a veteran, and the loud bangs and noises from fireworks could make him think he was under attack. One time, many years after his active service, he went to put the bin out, and the noise of a firework made him hit the ground fast, and he broke his ankle as a result. We sometimes forget that our traumatised veterans can be adversely affected by the sound of fireworks.

It is good to pray for all who are nervous or who have suffered trauma, in the days round about Guy Fawkes and around Remembrance. There are so many triggers, and difficult memories. We pray for safe places for people to talk, for effective therapies and understanding communities, especially for those who are distressed or have experienced trauma.

The verse from psalm 9 verse 9 seems appropriate: ‘The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, and a stronghold in times of trouble.’

Gracious Lord, You see all those who are struggling this day, pets who are worried and anxious because of the noises, veterans startled and hypervigilant because of the sounds of fireworks. Lord Jesus, may people choose to use silent fireworks, so that others are not harmed by the noise. And may You protect people and be their Stronghold, especially veterans in this season, and may the balm of Gilead bring them healing and peace. May pet owners make special provision for their pets also. May your holy spirit be at work in ways beyond our imagining, to protect the vulnerable, and to comfort those who are troubled, In Jesus name, Amen

Sticky toffee pudding brings comfort!

Today I was offered sticky toffee pudding and ice cream! It was difficult to resist, not just because of the flavour, but because of the memories.

My late parents in law loved sticky toffee pudding and ice cream. They so enjoyed offering it when you went round for dinner, and the way they said, made you think there could be nothing better! It was heated of course, with the ice cream melting all over the place. There are so many loving memories around this desert. My late husband loved ice cream too, Scottish tablet ice cream and raspberry ripple were two of his favourites.

In the midst of grief processes, it can be lovely to suddenly remember something nice, a lovely meal, a meaningful ritual, a sentimental moment. It reminds us that these are still memories of something that was real and had significance. Sometimes their intensity fades a little over time, but remembrances of these tiny moments are so comforting and healing.

Jesus spoke of the kingdom of God as a mustard seed, and said in Matthew 13: 12 ‘ it is the smallest of seeds, but it becomes the largest of garden plants: it grows into a tree, and birds come and make nests in their branches’.

Small things can be so significant, whether it is the flash of an old memory, or sharing a cup of water, or a prayer said under our breath. We long for better days, a new kingdom of healing and light, hope and justice and love. But meantime we wait, and are grateful for small moments of consolation.

Gracious God, You long for all people to come to You, and to find healing and peace. Sometimes we are battered by life’s storms, but memories and beauty remind us of what is truly significant, and are so healing. Thankyou Lord Jesus, for all your blessings, big and small. Holy spirit, heal our souls, remind us of the good, and show us how to work for a better world, in Jesus’ name, Amen

Healing on a grey day.

What I have noticed is that when there are blue skies, golden autumnal colours and bright sunshine, I love a drive. Give me rain, deich skies and blanket shades of grey, my spirit fades a little. While the rhythm of the windscreen wipers may be comforting, the puddles and surface spray are not.

Yet on a grey day, when I spend more time inside, I have to face some of the stuff I might otherwise ignore. On a sunny day, I can distract myself with the gorgeousness of nature in both colour and form. On a grey day, I hear the rain battering the window, and am challenged to find the good.

This week I have been reading Karen McClintock’s ‘ When trauma wounds pathways to healing and hope.’ It is a great introduction to different forms of trauma, and different strategies to find healing. It is written from a theological and counselling perspective, and advocates a trauma informed approach to individuals, to life, and to church. It works by giving a number of case studies, and relates what helps people find their peace. Sanctuaries where people can tell their story in safety, is part of that healing process.

It was the battering of the rain, that led me to read, to have space and time to consider this topic. It is a difficult area to explore, and I am still only learning, but it seems so important to integrate pastoral and trauma informed insights, to enable people to find lasting healing. I need to explore it further, for my heart’s desire is to see people have opportunites to heal after trauma and emotional woundedness. Bessel van der Kolk speaks of all these techniques being summarised in the word ‘love’ but it is how to love people well and wisely, so that they can heal that is the challenge.

On grey days, may we take time to do some reflection, and ask God to bring deeper healing to our lives. May His holy spirit guide us, so we can experience healing, and in turn can bring grace to others.

‘Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts and encourages us, so that we will be able to encourage and encourage those who are in any kind of trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.’ 2 Corinthians 1: 3-5

Creator God, on a grey day, we can be restless and unsettled, our mood a little flat. Yet even these days can be used by You, so we look deeper into our souls, and notice the murkier and darker areas. Lord Jesus, at times in your life, you too were confronted with the truth of the human condition, and the cruelty and darkness of the world. Forgive us for all the hurt and trauma we cause others, and bring healing pathways for the broken and the wounded. By your holy spirit, give us courage to keep travelling, even when the journey seems grey and relentless. May we trust that the sun can shine again, and bring love, joy and peace, Amen.

Repeated rainbows!

Sometimes we go though periods when everything seems to be going wrong, when you forget something, you get an unexpected bill, or a friend is ill. And then it can be one of these days when you get soaked to the skin by very cold rain, snd the rain is so heavy it runs down your back, and your feet are drenched and frozen.

I was in the middle of such a day, when I saw this most beautiful rainbow. The colours were so vibrant, and reminded me of everything that is beautiful and full of hope. My dilemma was do I stand longer in the howling wind and rain to take the picture, or do I hurry on? I needed to take the picture, even though I became even more soggy doing so.

In Genesis chapter 9:12 God says to Noah ‘this is the token of the covenant which I am making between me and every living creature, for all future generations.’.

The rainbow is a sign of God’s faithfulness, that there will never be another flood over all the earth. I love how even after the heaviest and darkest storm, a rainbow so often appears, a sign that God is watching over us, and wants to bring us hope.

So I must have been having a bad week, or maybe it’s just that I keep forgetting, but God has given me so many rainbows in recent days, sometimes even two a day! Now I do know I live in Glasgow, and it is one of the wettest cities, but I have loved my rainbows. They just remind us all that God never forgets, and that even after the worst of times, there is hope. Whatever our situation might be, God loves us, and wants to bring a message of grace and the possibility of new beginnings.

Creator God, thankyou that this world is so incredible, varied in form, colour and texture, with creatures of all kinds on land and in sea and air. Yet we so often choose to be selfish, and we hurt each other and we cause such pain to our planet.Forgive us for our apathy and carelessness. Lord Jesus, inspire us through the rainbow, so we can start again, to know it is worth it, and there is hope. Holy spirit, speak to us all though these arches of colour, reminding us all that are still possibilities of vibrancy and inspiration in life even after the most dismal of days, thankyou Father, Amen

Nowhere to go back to….

In my youth, I spent 18 months supporting people with epilepsy getting back into the community. It was very challenging, but taught me so much. It was a privilege to support people, some of them with very complex medical conditions and behaviours, and trying to bring understanding and hope. I did encounter much prejudice and fear about epilepsy amongst some local people around, and that was unsettling. It brought realism to my understanding of the indignities and barriers people with debilitating disabilities can experience. I greatly admire those who live with intractable epilepsy, and their families, for it can be a hard road to travel.

At the weekend, I had the opportunity to go back to the place where I worked. I walked up the steep hill, and when I got to the top, I found that the whole building had been demolished. There was nothing left, and a very expensive new house was built in its place. Of my memories and experiences, there was no physical reminder left. It was all gone.

Sometimes when we look back, we see the past with rose coloured glasses, and we think we would like to return there. Yet the truth is that there is no going back, which at times can seem very stark.

The work of prayer is to ask God to guide us in the present, so we can start looking forwards. We take what we have learned from the past, and we ask God to use it for his purposes, so we can build for the future. This can be quite daunting, and takes courage. Sometimes rather than embracing the new, we want to run away. Yet every memory and experience that we have, had to start somewhere. And so we need to be willing to begin again, with an open mindedness and positivity as to what new possibilities might look like. It needs a period of grieving, and a change of mindset, a new way of thinking.

I remember the words from Colossians chapter 3, to leave behind dark things from the past, and to have a new start, to begin again. The writer speaks of it being like putting on new clothes, and in the Message paraphrase it says:

‘ chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you, compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offence.’

It is an encouraging thought, that every morning we spend time with God in prayer, asking him to equip us for the day, and to put on the spiritual clothes God has picked out for us. Then we are equipped for each new day, and for whatever we face on the path ahead.

Gracious God, we are thankful for the past, both light and dark, brightness and shadow. In times of transition and change, we like to look back, at what was familiar and comforting. Yet Lord Jesus you call us to live our lives each day. Take away our fear, and may your holy spirit enable us to walk forward in freedom and expectation. May we do so with creativity and vision, expectant at what You can do, in Jesus name, Amen.

Circle of prayer

I was out for a walk on a beautiful calm reflective day, when the water was like crystal. However in the distance storm clouds were moving, and soon were overhead bringing a deluge of rain. The contrast between the dark menacing clouds and the softness of the light on the water was dramatic.

I think this is a metaphor for our lives- where there can be so much beauty and light, but there are also threatening things on the horizon- pressures and worries about finance, health and the wellbeing of others. We always seem to be walking a line between light and darkness, good and evil.

When I was mulling on this, I remembered the old celtic form of prayer, encircling prayers, where we pray for a person or situation to be encircled in the love and care of God. It seems such a powerful way of praying in a life where there is so many disturbing and unsettling news.

There are so many verses in the bible that are prayers for protection against danger.

‘ Have mercy on me O God, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings till danger has passed’ Psalm 57:1

‘ The Lord will fight for you- you need only be still.’ Exodus 14:4

Just knowing that on difficult days, God is protecting us, and even fighting on our behalf is such an encouragement. We need to trust, and stay close to Jesus.

Circle me Lord, when the storm clouds roll in, Lord Jesus, keep protection within, and danger afar, when life feels disturbing, keep peace within, and dissension away. Lord Jesus, encircle us in your light, and love and beauty. Holy spirit, may we find shelter in the storm, encircle us in your care and keeping till the morning light breaks, and all is calm and tranquil. Then may we give thanks, and seek to go on our path of doing your will once again, with trust and confidence, Amen.