Remembrance- not just for a day…..

Remembrance- a day and a season of remembering. We remember those who gave their life for their country, and rightly so. In the midst of the poignant silence, we think of conflicts and wars, family members and friends, whose names are recorded on war memorials up and down the land. We give thanks for people who navigate access to military records that might help us to understand where a loved one died, the circumstances of their death, the location of a war grave if there is one. We give thanks for their willingness to serve, and for their sacrifice.

Another dimension of Remembrance is also to remember those who came back from war- the veterans. Some return with stories to tell, new skills learned, and reintegrate well into society, and I am thankful for this. For others, they come back with physical disabilities, emotional wounds, and spiritual questioning of long held beliefs. The pain of personally witnessing the raw devastation of shootings and bombings, never mind participating in them, can leave veterans with shattered trust, and a fragmented sense of self.

I know that there are many organisations out there to support veterans, but I think it can be difficult to find exactly what you need. If you are struggling with flashbacks and ptsd symptoms, you can want to self medicate and isolate as a coping strategy, and don’t have energy to fill in forms and conform to social norms. Feelings of frustration, anger, fear and shame can put enormous strain on relationships with family and friends, adding to the turmoil.

My late husband Colin, who died seven years ago was a veteran. He was one of the unfortunate ones, who struggled with physical injury, dark memories, regrets and trauma.

When I was reflecting on a biblical story that might help, I tbought of the story of Jacob in Genesus chapter 32. He is about to meet his brother Esau, and is distressed and wracked by guilt about some of his past behaviour. He prays for safety for his family, and then goes out into the night and wrestles with God. Jacob says he will not stop, until God blesses him, and although he suffers a wounded hip, he discovers the blessing of God. In the midst of struggle in the darkness, Jacob acknowledges his dependence on God, and he finds strength and hope. For many veterans, they too wrestle in the dark, but finding any answers can be tough indeed.

For veterans and their families, there can be so many struggles, for understanding, for respect, for meaningful support in the midst of nightmares and trauma. On Remembrance Sunday, out of all days, may we remember our veteran community. In their often complex and individual stories, they need our recognition and care, not just one day a year, but all year round. As a society, may we resolve to find compassionate and effective ways to do this.

Gracious and Eternal Father, God of all the ages, we are sorrowful at the conflict and destruction in our world. Often we fight and tear down, rather than build up and bless. We know that sometimes war is the lesser of two evils, and we give thanks for those willing to serve. We honour their memory, and remember both the living and the dead. Lord Jesus Christ, You show us the meaning of love, through Your life and teaching, and willingness to lay down your life for the sins of the world. Help us, as we cry to You, for healing of wounded and broken individuals, families and communities. May charities, churches and national institutions work together to bring a soothing salve of grace to all whose lives are troubled and full of pain. Holy Spirit teach us how to honour our veteran community, and to be channels of healing and peace. In Jesus mighty name, Amen..

The blessing of libraries!

In the last few weeks, I had the joy of entering into a new library. It was so wonderful, full of amazing books, inviting desks, digital catalogues and periodicals and journals. It even had a coffee shop attached…..

One of my first part time jobs was in a library. I loved sorting the books in the Dewey Decimal system, and trying to answer customer queries. You never knew what was going to happen next, and you were always learning.

There are so many quotations about the power of reading. We might think of Dr Seuss ‘ the more you read, the more you learn. The more you learn, the more places you will go.’ Or the quotation by Gail Carson Levine ‘ a library is infinity under a roof’. There are so many possibilities to learn new things about the planet, to get lost in an imaginative fictional world, to be challenged by the most exquisite wordsmanship in poetry and prose. It is being able to connect with the ideas and insights of millions of people around the planet on every conceivable topic. It is an open door to experiencing some of the most inspirational and uplifting of thoughts.

I love libraries because they offer opportunities to listen to some of the most inspiring people. However I choose not to read things which are cruel or offensive. I read things from different viewpoints, because I need to be challenged, and my mind enlarged. Yet I seek discernment as to what will build me up, rather than pull me down.

As a Christian, I do love reading the bible. I so appreciate the honesty of the psalms, the wisdom that different characters learn, the gospel accounts of Jesus’ life, the letters written by leaders in the early church. Some parts are harder to understand- and lead to questions as to why something was included, what an action meant in the culture of the day, how to interpret meaning. I pray for the holy spirit to help me, every time I open its pages. The words from psalm 119, verse 105 help:

‘Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light for my path.’

The bible is a library of books in itself, and I pray for God to help me to approach its pages with humility, and a desire to learn more of His Love.

Having so many amazing books to read is such a gift. Having so many translations of the bible, and to have them so freely available is also something never to be taken for granted. May we use our libraries well, to keep them open. And may we take every opportunity to learn, and to grow in our appreciation of the world, and in our spiritual journey.

Gracious God, You spoke, and the heavens and the earth came into being. We thankyou for the power of words, and ask that they might be used not to diminish and destroy, but to bless and to heal. Lord Jesus- Your teaching brings wisdom and truth. Help us to not just hear, but to live out Your truth. Holy spirit, we give thanks for the wonder and beauty of life, in all its complexity and depth- in the midst of it all, may we always be open to learning- guide us to live well, and to love wisely. In Jesus’ name, Amen

Moments of wonder and laughter!

Every day can be a real mixture of events, from IT failures to communication frustrations. There are so many challenges in modern life.

Yet in the midst of even the most routine days, there can be moments of wonder and laughter, which so lift our spirits.

In the last week, I was in a cafe, and striving to work something out on my laptop. When I looked up- this is what I saw.

I was told that he often visited, and that he would perch on the chair, and just come and say hello! He was so friendly- there is something about a robin that is so comforting. These are little birds with such large characters.

And then later in the week, I was out and decided to get my dog Gabriel a wee treat, and asked for a lorne sausage for him. This is what I was given.

I just found the idea of a knife and fork for Gabriel to eat his sausage so funny. I was picturing him with a bib and with a place setting at a table! I asked the man why he had given my dog cutlery, and he said it was so I could cut his sausage for him. He didn’t know Gabriel, as my dog could have eaten the whole sausage in one bite!

These are maybe a bit random, but I felt they were God’s way of reminding me of the lighter things in life- the beauty of nature, the kindness of human beings, and I was grateful.

Eternal Father, we are so weighed down at times by the sadness on the earth, so many struggles and heartaches. Thankyou for lighter moments, of wonder and humour. Lord Jesus, You spent time with people on the roads of Galilee, and there must have been times of encounter and times of rest, times of sorrow and times of laughter. Holy Spirit remind us of the balance in life, and give us attentive spirits to unexpected moments of joy!

Intersections of trauma and grace…

The world feels so broken just now- so many suffering in conflict zones, refugee camps, and situations of bullying and abuse, poverty and disaster. These are many questions as to how we can work for justice and also respect the dignity and value of every human being.

I have been thinking of that brokeness, partly through the lens of trauma. Gabor Mate defines trauma as a soul wound, as ‘an inner injury, a lasting rupture or split within the self due to difficult or hurtful events’ and also ‘what happens inside you because of what happened to you.’ The Myth of Normal p20. So many people feel hurting and disconnected after experiencing distressing and terrifying events.

So many of the descriptions of Jesus in the gospels are about healing- touching the leper, listening to the outsider, bringing sight to the blind man. His ministry was often seen amongst the people on the road, whether noticing the man in the tree, or the child who was unwell, or the woman in pain. His tender gaze and wise questions, enabled people to find peace and healing.

In this world of suffering and injustice, and taking into account our own brokeness and shortcomings, how can we show the love of Christ? It is partly through prayer, friendship, hospitality and advocacy for those who are marginalised. I think it is also though using a trauma informed lens, so we can use psychological and neurological insights too. There is so much overlap between Christian principles and practices, and being trauma informed and holistic. Humans need physical healing, trauma therapy, but spiritual support and guidance also.

As Christians we are called to show the love of Christ to all people. Recently I have discerned a call to do some research into the impact of trauma and moral injury in the veteran community. Moral injury can be defined in different ways, but in essence is a distress caused when a person has been involved in something which has violated their conscience or ethical framework, and has caused questioning, shame and guilt.

I feel called to this particular area, because of lived family experience. It feels like a way of seeking to embody Jesus’ love for this part of our society, and many people are working in similar issues in other groups, so hopefully we can all learn from each other. It means taking some time out of parish ministry to do it justice, but I feel this is my priority for just now. I want to listen to the stories of veterans and their families in Scotland and in the USA, and if you have a story to share, or know someone who does, please get in touch- woundedwarriorfg@gmail.com

Some verses that have always resonated with me are from 2 Corinthians 5, especially verses 17 to 19 ‘if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, and the new has come. All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting our sins against us. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation……’

For me, healing is holistic, and comprises of showing love and forgiveness, and pursuing advocacy and justice. Yes, we want to listen, and see healing in body, mind and soul, but alongside that we are called to be a critical friend to the system that may have caused fracture or damage.

When I started writing this blog, I said it was about the struggles of being a Christian in a messy world. That is still very much the case, and I have so much to learn. Thankyou already to those who have prayed for me, and shared their insights and ideas. I have benefitted greatly from your support, and seek to follow Christ’s call to play my small part to bring healing and reconciliation in a divided and chaotic world.

Gracious God of justice and mercy, love and goodness, You must look at this world and weep at the greed, violence and corruption that tears us apart, and causes so much destruction. Lord Jesus, You came into this world, that through the cross, You bring an offer of forgiveness, healing and reconciliation to all. By your Holy Spirit, show us if there is something you want us to do, to bring acceptance, healing and moral repair to those whose lives have been marred by violence and trauma. As a society, may we let go of past prejudices, and toxicity, and instead embrace prayer and humility to gain a deeper understanding of our differences, so we can build a more just world. Amen.

Experiencing Gods healing and hope after dark days….

We all go through dark days- seasons of grief, conflict, heartache, disillusionment and exhaustion. The pain can be raw and unrelenting, and lead to times of self doubt- why did it happen, could we have handled something differently?

After such a season, God is slowly bringing healing to me, and I am so grateful. When you are in the darkness, you wonder if there is hope, or if you might be stuck forever. Yet in these moments of despair, God can be so tender and compassionate, enabling us to move forward, but only when we are ready.

My experience is that there can be a period of numbness, when you are functioning, and the pain and heartache are kept beneath, because you just can’t face and process things all at once. It has to be a gradual and gentle healing.

I am so grateful for all who have accompanied me, who have given me safe places to process, and who have prayed for me. Prayer has upheld me in bleak times. When I could not find the words, the prayers of others sustained me.

God has provided all I needed. I have been able to rest, which was crucial. During times of stillness, nightmares have cleansed my soul. Reading the bible and listening to Christian music has anchored my spirit. Exercise has helped me find a rhythm. Playing has been essential!

I have prayerfully reflected on my story, to discern where negative patterns have originated and have prayed for a release from old chains, and for the holy spirit to enable me to embrace the new. I have been privileged to travel, which reminds me of the vastness of the globe, and possibilities of deeper understanding and renewal. I have taken health inventories of my body, mind and soul, and asked God to heal what has been broken, and to help me be patient with my many shortcomings.

When we are in a dark place, it is like Jesus calls us just to come and spend time in His presence. Often no words are needed. When we are out of step and misaligned, He calls to us. And just being with Him, brings our hearts back into rhythm.

In Exekiel chapter 11:19 God says: ‘ I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone, and give you a heart of flesh.’

It can feel that we have developed a heart of stone, where we are in danger of being weary and cynical, even bitter. Yet God removes that hard heart, and grants us a tender heart once more, that beats in time with His own.

I am so grateful to know God’s healing touch in my life, to know that hope still exists. I still have a long way to go, and I guess I will always be a work in progress but that is ok.

I want to encourage anyone going through a painful and heavy time, to know that Jesus understands and ministers to us through His Holy Spirit. Sometimes we are impatient and questioning, for the healing process can be slow. It can feel that nothing is happening, or that we are going backwards. God calls us to surrender to Him, to wait, and to see what He can do. May His healing and grace be experienced by us all.

God of goodness and love, we come to You in worship and thanksgiving. We acknowledge our pain and nights of tears, our sadness and questioning. We thankyou that because of the cross, You forgive our mistakes and shortcomings. Lord Jesus, help us to forgive as You have forgiven us. Bring healing we pray, so our wounds can be bandaged, and even though there are scars, we give thanks. May our experiences of brokeness can be refined into a deeper trust. Holy Spirit, bring us hope for the future. As we shake the dust off our feet and ask for courage to move on, we ask You to bring wholeness to our lives, so when we are ready, we then can rededicate ourselves to serving You in new ways. In your mercy, hear our prayer.

A gentle rest.

I have the good fortune to be abroad, with opportunities to swim in the warm, azure waters. It feels like freedom to move through the waves, and to feel the vastness of the sky above, and the softness of the sandy ocean floor below.

And now and again I just float on the surface, gazing at the cloudless sky, and being rocked by the waves. I enter the water with a thousand concerns and worries, and cry out to God, asking for discord to end, and harmony to be restored. People seem to be fighting in every sphere, with so many hurt, confused, disillusioned and weary with it all.

When I am buoyant in the water, gazing at the flurry clouds languidly dallying across the sky, it is a moment of being gently rocked by the movement of the waves. It feels immensely peaceful. I let go of my worries and anxieties, and just be. Especially in these moments, God feels very near. I remember the verse from Isaiah 30;15

‘ in rest and returning you will be saved, in quietness and trust you will find strength.’

In these days of acrimony, we try to discern what is best, we pray for insight and wisdom, we become exhausted trying to work out our views on many divisive issues. We need to use our brains, to ponder, to pray. But there are also moments, when I think Jesus just calls us to come spend time in His presence, just to be in His love, and to receive from Him. These times are precious and healing, reconnecting us deeply with the love of Jesus Christ.

Jesus said to his disciples ‘ Come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened, for I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls’ Matthew 11: 28-29

There are seasons, when we feel deeply the weight of a world polarised and divided, and we are bewildered and weary. Especially at these times, Jesus is gentle and patient with us, calling us to rest in His arms. Here, may we find the restoration and peace we seek.

Mighty and gracious God, we know of Your truth and mercy, Your beauty and goodness, and we trust that we can come to You as your beloved children. We acknowledge that we often try hard, but we make mistakes and can get disorientated in the plethora of strident voices and shouting. Lord Jesus, when we are confused and exhausted, may we always return to your presence, to rest in Your arms, to be cradled in your gentle acceptance and grace. Holy Spirit, at some point You will lead us back into the complexities of the modern, hurting world. Yet just for this time, may we enter into Your gentle rest, and find nurture and renewal in your Holy presence, Amen.

The swallows are leaving……

Over the summer I have loved watching the swallows and swifts darting and then soaring over the water, and hiding in the eaves. They are so dainty and energetic and joyful to watch.

It is very still around the loch, when these gorgeous birds migrate south. I have a yearning for their company, but know that being thankful for the memory of them is enough. I always find it astounding that such little birds fly south to Africa over the winter, sometimes flying 200 miles a day. They show such strength and perseverance, and seem to have an innate compass within.

The leaving of the swallows are a symbol of the end of summer, of a farewell to one season, and an invitation to embrace the new. Autumn might be a softer more mellow season, but it is equally beautiful. We are not to fear change, but to be prepared to move on, and to look for new possibilities in the landscape beyond.

The swallow, for me, symbolises that a fragile and diminutive being, can travel long distances, that seem way beyond their capacity. So God can use us, even when we feel fallible and inadequate, for His good and loving purposes. The secret is having the courage to set out, and then the wind of the Holy spirit guides us and carries us forward.

In Isaiah 40: verse 31 it says; ‘ those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles……..’ Whatever our circumstances, may we continue to place our hope in God, and find a strength in Him that carries us through.

Gracious God, Creator of all things, we thankyou for the birds of the air and the fish in the sea, for the incredible stories of animals in their habitats, and the rhythms of the earth. May we be attentive to the earth, be willing to protect it, and to learn from your creation. Thankyou for the way You speak to us through birds- swallows, sparrows and eagles -giving us courage to transition from one season to another, to know that You see us, and value us, and lead us in new directions. Lord Jesus Christ, as you called the disciples, reveal more of your purpose for us. Holy Spirit grant us perseverance, renew our trust, and equip us to explore new territory, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Prayers so needed!

Sitting in a coffee shop watching people on the morning communte. Often their heads are down, they look tired and as if they have the weight of the world on their shoulders. Listening to people, they are speaking of targets and cutbacks and pressure. It feels as if we have become aworld where statistics matter more than people. Instead of providing services that support people, companies are trying to get as much profit from each individual transaction, however that is obtained.

On the international scene too, we seem to have lost the plot. Backroom arms deals and the pursuit of perception of status and power dominate, instead of paying attention to the cry of the marginalised and the vulnerable. There are so many terrible situations of conflict, originating in visions of delusional schemes for self aggrandisement and power, and that are completely unnecessary. The concept of the dignity and worth of each individual, and the concept of justice have been jettisoned.

I think of Jesus, looking at Jerusalem, and weeping, and in one moment saying ‘Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how I have longed to gather your children together, as a child gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing’. Matthew 23:37 Jesus wants healing and peace for the people, but they are rebellious and obstinate and will not listen.

Maybe we need to pause, and questioning what we are doing as individuals. Are we conforming to a world where greed and self interest rule? Or will we follow the teaching of Jesus, where we choose mercy over judgement, purity of heart over money and status ? Every time we choose to honour people’s dignity and humanity, we are rebel against much of the culture of our age.

You might say, well the church and other Christian organisations do not have a good history in this area. That is true. All denominations have fallen short, and we need to admit that, to timeously address what is wrong and make amends where that is possible. Acknowledging fault in the past, should strengthen our desire now to refocus on following Jesus’ teaching, to be wise, to work for justice and to love without measure, whatever our situation.

Karl Barth once said ‘to clasp the hands in prayer is the beginning of an uprising against the disorder of the world.’ May we persevere in prayer, for the kingdom of God to come, where wellbeing and peace are valued more than strife and war. May we catch a glimpse of the power of prayer to bring change, and ask the holy spirit to help us to pray without ceasing.

Lord Jesus, You saw the suffering and devastation of the people in Jerusalem. You were moved with compassion and you wept. May we wake up to all that is wrong with human nature, the greed, pride, the hypocrisy and corruption, and to weep at the suffering here and in the wider world. If we are honest, we acknowledge that we too are guilty of putting our own needs before the needs of others. Lord Jesus forgive us. Teach us to pray and act for a better world, in our daily work and lives, and in our prayers for a just and healthy humanity on this planet. Holy Spirit, may this not be a passing whim, but a commitment to pray every day, for You can do beyond what we dare to dream, every time we intercede for others. May people of integrity and compassion bring change in our society, and may that change start with us, Amen.

Pilgrimage reflections

I have had the pleasure of going on an ecumenical pilgrimage. It was a blessed time of learning, exploration and making new friends. It also involved a lot of laughter, and some of the longest and most delicious lunches I have ever experienced! Just as well there was a siesta afterwards.

One of the highlights for me was being in Montserrat. I had visited earlier in the year, for a day trip with friends, and it felt like such a sacred space. This time the group were staying for a number of days, and it was such a privilege. There is a Benedictine monastery here, and worship at the basilica is an important part of the day. The sound of the bells ringing out, form a regular call to worship for all who visit.

There were formal parts of the pilgrimage, teaching, visits, history etc. However the quieter moments of walking and prayerful reflection were particularly special. On one walk, I came face to face with a mountain goat, which left both of us startled! Standing at the cross, I felt a deep sense of forgiveness. During a time of worship in the basilica, God gave me a wonderful moment of consolation.

Montserrat is a place of stunning beauty up in the mountains, it is a place of spiritual significance to the Catalan people, and it is a place of prayer. These prayers over 1000 years, create an atmosphere of love and grace that invites people to have an encounter with Jesus Christ. It is a place of blessing, whether at worship, sharing food, or out on a mountain path.

I am still processing all that took place. There were some challenges along the way, some moments of understanding and insight, and I prayed for God to make me more like Jesus Christ through the power of his Holy Spirit. This pilgrimage was a fantastic experience, and I met some amazing people of faith, with whom it was so good to share and pray. The leaders of our group were fantastic, and were so patient especially when I got lost in Barcelona- but that is another story…..

Gracious and Loving God, You called Abraham and Sarah to leave behind all that was familiar, and to travel to an unknown land. Often in life, we remember that we are called to be pilgrims, to be prepared to go where you call. Lord Jesus Christ, as you called the disciples to follow you, may we hear Your call to us to move forward. Holy Spirit, thankyou for the people you put alongside us as we travel, and for the encouragement that we can give and receive. May we always be attentive to Your voice, and be bold to respond to your message. Thankyou that there is so much joy in the journey, in Jesus name, Amen.

Preparing for a spiritual pilgrimage…

I am blessed to be going on a Spanish spiritual pilgrimage. I am just a little anxious- I don’t know all the details of what’s involved, who is going etc. It feels very much like an unknown quantity.

I knew I needed to prepare, and I asked God to show me what to do. I supposed that I needed to review where I am in my life, the positives, the regrets, the state of my soul. Sometimes life is so busy, we can feel rather numb, and taking time to notice how we are feeling is healing in itself.

A phrase that has kept coming back to me, is that ‘the pilot light’ is still on.’ At some times of our lives, we can be enthusiastic and energetic about our faith. At other times things are quieter, but our faith is still there.

It reminds me of the verse in 2 Timothy 1:6 ‘ I remind you to dance into flames the gift from God, which is in you by the laying on of my hands.’ I guess going on any form of retreat or pilgrimage, this is s good starting place, that we ask thst God fan our faith into flame.

Everything to do with God, with Jesus snd the Holy Spirit is anchored in love, and asking God to help us to have a deeper experience of His love is also central. In Revelation 2:4 John records the angel of the church of Ephesus saying that they had fallen short of their first love. As Christians later on life, at times we are in danger of growing luke warm- tired, disillusioned and sad. And so we ask the Holy Spirit to pout out His love into our hearts, so we can receive healing and peace from Him.

To prepare for a pilgrimage, we need to take an inventory of our life, to ask God to give us a spiritual health check, and to help us to know what we most need. Maybe we need courage, or guidance, or comfort or a deeper experience of grace. Whatever it is, we can ask for this, and that we might grow closer to Jesus Christ as a result. For all who are going on pilgrimage, may we take time to review our spiritual health, to discern what we most need, and then surrender to our loving and wise God.

Lord Jesus Christ, You called people to come and follow you. We often start off enthusiastically, and with conviction and passion. Sometimes in the midst of our calling, You ask us to change path, or to vary our stride. We question and cry out, we need time and space to reflect and pray, to notice what is happening in our souls. Help us to listen and to be obedient. We thank you for the place of pilgrimages and retreats in the Christian world, and we pray for a deep experience of your vibrant love, healing and blessing. We pray for all in the community of faith who undertake this journey. May your Holy Spirit grant us whatever most need, and may we have open hands and a humble heart to receive. We ask this, Loving Father, that me might be our true God given selves, more able then to be vessels of Your love and mercy in this broken and hurting world. In Jesus’ name, Amen