Category: appreciating what we have, the sadness of letting go, the need to move forward

Leaves falling- sadness and peace!

Amazing colours but sorrowful silhouettes

After the torrential rain, there have been some gorgeous bright autumn days. 🍂 The blue skies have contrasted with the vibrant colours and textures of the leaves, creating a visual feast.

In Ecclesiastes it says that there is a time for every season under the sun, and each one helps us appreciate the others. I have always loved autumn, as John Keats said in his ode ‘a season of mist and mellow fruitfulness.’ It is a time of slowing down, of noticing, of appreciating things past.

It is the eve of my book promotion ‘Love songs for healing and hope!’ At SGT Church of Scotland, Buchanan Street tomorrow. As I prepare, I re-engage with past memories, which still stir within me sorrow and pain. Memories of my late husband’s struggles with being an injured veteran continue to resonate deeply. I think if only things had been different….

Yet I know this is the wrong road. I need to accept all that took place, but learn from it, and pray it helps me be a wiser more compassionate person, better equipped to listen and to support others. ‘ Love songs for healing and hope’ is a devotional resource book to share these insights, in the hope it might help another human soul acknowledge how tough it can be to support some one with a disability in life, and how difficult it is to come to terms with guilt and grief in death. It aims to offer healing and hope to all who are weary in their struggles and pain.

It is now over 5 years since Colin died, and subsequent bereavements keep causing the wound to be re-opened. An additional dimension is added by the tragedy and heartbreak in our world just now that exacerbates our feelings of horror at all that is wrong with the world.

And yet, as the trees let go their leaves, there is beauty. As the tears fall, sorrow is expressed and occasionally assuaged. As we learn to accept what has taken place, we realise we have no control over many things, and find a deeper peace.

Life is so very rich, and so we ask God not to abandon us in our sorrow, but to help us see and explore possibilities of formation and new life in the time to come. It might not seem real right now, but one day, maybe we will look back and see things differently.

Eternal Father, our Creator and Source of all life, we marvel at the universe, the movement of the stars, the changing night sky, and we are humbled. Lord Jesus, at times you call us to let go of past expectations and dreams, and that hurts so much, but then we are also called forward, to trust that You are doing a new thing. Holy spirit, may we surrender to Your will, and receive your peace, so we can then in turn bless and encourage others, in Jesus name, Amen

Changing my car!

An emotional journey……..

Recently I changed my car. It sounds deceptively simple. It was not. Technically it is difficult, working out how to sell the old car, how to choose another one. I think about colour, whilst another family member assures me the engine is quite important too! You are trying to find things, like the parcel shelf of the old car, which somehow was stored at the back of the garage! You try to take all the clutter out of the car, to make it look its best to sell.

But there is such an emotional side to it too. The car I was selling, I had had for over 4 years. It had been a fantastic wee car. It was beautiful to drive, bringing freedom on open roads, and singing mechanical melodies. It has taken me on holidays all over Scotland, a patient companion in traffic jams, a source of so many trips, especially with my mum. When I think of this car, I have many beautiful memories.

Saying farewell to my car, has been strangely painful. I know it is just an ‘ object but somehow it had its own character, and it felt like a familiar friend. I hope its next owner appreciates it as much as I did.

I am getting to know my new car ( which ironically is older than the first). It also drives well – so far- and has some lovely features. But at the moment, there is a little part of me that still hankers after the old.

Life seems like this- the only constant is change, and whilst change can be liberating, too much change can also be exhausting. We appreciate new opportunities, but wish the past could stay with us forever. I guess it does in our memories and in our hearts, and that is enough.

We know that Jesus is the same, yesterday, today and forever ( Hebrews 13:8), and we know God’s love is consistent and unchanging. This helps us and keeps us grounded, as we navigate the changes in this transient universe.

Eternal Father, You are beyond time, so You know the end from the beginning, and Your love is constant. As mortals, we have a short timespan, and want to appreciate every good gift. Lord Jesus, whilst we treasure the past, may we not fear change, but be grateful for new possibilities. Holy spirit help us to appreciate every moment of our lives, and to use them for good. In Jesus name, Amen.