Remembrance- not just for a day…..

Remembrance- a day and a season of remembering. We remember those who gave their life for their country, and rightly so. In the midst of the poignant silence, we think of conflicts and wars, family members and friends, whose names are recorded on war memorials up and down the land. We give thanks for people who navigate access to military records that might help us to understand where a loved one died, the circumstances of their death, the location of a war grave if there is one. We give thanks for their willingness to serve, and for their sacrifice.

Another dimension of Remembrance is also to remember those who came back from war- the veterans. Some return with stories to tell, new skills learned, and reintegrate well into society, and I am thankful for this. For others, they come back with physical disabilities, emotional wounds, and spiritual questioning of long held beliefs. The pain of personally witnessing the raw devastation of shootings and bombings, never mind participating in them, can leave veterans with shattered trust, and a fragmented sense of self.

I know that there are many organisations out there to support veterans, but I think it can be difficult to find exactly what you need. If you are struggling with flashbacks and ptsd symptoms, you can want to self medicate and isolate as a coping strategy, and don’t have energy to fill in forms and conform to social norms. Feelings of frustration, anger, fear and shame can put enormous strain on relationships with family and friends, adding to the turmoil.

My late husband Colin, who died seven years ago was a veteran. He was one of the unfortunate ones, who struggled with physical injury, dark memories, regrets and trauma.

When I was reflecting on a biblical story that might help, I tbought of the story of Jacob in Genesus chapter 32. He is about to meet his brother Esau, and is distressed and wracked by guilt about some of his past behaviour. He prays for safety for his family, and then goes out into the night and wrestles with God. Jacob says he will not stop, until God blesses him, and although he suffers a wounded hip, he discovers the blessing of God. In the midst of struggle in the darkness, Jacob acknowledges his dependence on God, and he finds strength and hope. For many veterans, they too wrestle in the dark, but finding any answers can be tough indeed.

For veterans and their families, there can be so many struggles, for understanding, for respect, for meaningful support in the midst of nightmares and trauma. On Remembrance Sunday, out of all days, may we remember our veteran community. In their often complex and individual stories, they need our recognition and care, not just one day a year, but all year round. As a society, may we resolve to find compassionate and effective ways to do this.

Gracious and Eternal Father, God of all the ages, we are sorrowful at the conflict and destruction in our world. Often we fight and tear down, rather than build up and bless. We know that sometimes war is the lesser of two evils, and we give thanks for those willing to serve. We honour their memory, and remember both the living and the dead. Lord Jesus Christ, You show us the meaning of love, through Your life and teaching, and willingness to lay down your life for the sins of the world. Help us, as we cry to You, for healing of wounded and broken individuals, families and communities. May charities, churches and national institutions work together to bring a soothing salve of grace to all whose lives are troubled and full of pain. Holy Spirit teach us how to honour our veteran community, and to be channels of healing and peace. In Jesus mighty name, Amen..

Remembering and then taking action………

Today is Remembrance Sunday, the day we hold a two minute silence to remember those who gave their lives in conflict, and those who served and their loved ones. It used to be we remembered the stories of veterans of the first and second world wars, but it is also those who served in Northern Ireland, in Iraq, in Afghanistan and so many other war zones. So many people have stories to tell. The battle is not just in active service, but when service men and women come back to civilian life, if they are that fortunate. How do you make that transition, when you have been right how to kill and maim as a living?

Sometimes on Remembrance Sunday we seem guilty of relying on stereotypes in our desciptions- of people who lay down their lives for their friends. It is noble and selfless. This is of course the most sacrificial thing anyone can do. But do we remember the moral complexities of war, the anguish of seeing civilian casualties, the trauma of being in hand to hand conflict? The stories of all these conflicts, each have patterns and nuances all of their own, and no stereotypes capture the stories of individual veterans and their families. The cost of war can only be told by them. Hearing one story, and then multiplying it by millions gives a small insight into the cost of war.

Today we are called to remember- to hear these stories and allow their message to speak to our souls. But surely this should not just be for one weekend a year. Veterans and their families need recognition and support all year round. Too many end up in situations of relationship breakdown, alienation from their loved ones, unable to hold down a job, struggling with addiction and homeless on our streets. I worry that we pay lip service on Remembrance Sunday, and then move on to other things. For the veteran, they can be left struggling with traumatic memories and broken lives.

So I think Remembrance Sunday calls us not just to remember but to act. It could be we act by listening to the story of some one who is struggling, giving money to a veterans charity, or talking to that veteran who lives along the street, who seems a bit isolated. People with multiple trauma and memories of war are often looking for understanding, and the hope that one day their lives could get better. Will we show solidarity with them? If we do not act, then Remembrance seems a bit hollow- a platitude or a cliche that lacks application or conviction.

I speak to myself also. My late husband was wounded in active service, and these wounds and disability marred all subsequent days of his life. Trying to access the right support for him in his particular situation was almost impossible. And he had to live with that. He was proud to have served, but on the days when nightmares were dark and unrelenting and his disability was especially debilitating, he felt frustrated, angry and forgotten. How do we reassure people that their stories are not forgotten?

For me, this is the hardest weekend of the year. What are we called to do to support our veterans community in a meaningful way? How can we act effectively and wisely to support those most in need? I have more questions than answers.

Jesus lay down his life for his friends – in 1 John 3:16 it says ‘ This is how we know what love is- Jesus Christ lay down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.’ The love of God is so wide and high and deep- it has no end. We ask God to pour out that love into our lives, so we can then love others in a generous and meaningful way. Will we consider that calling whatever it might take us?

Eternal God- You created this world to be a harmonious whole, where we live in love and dignity, giving glory back to You. But we rebelled against You, forgetting Your teaching and following our own selfish desires. The human desire for money and power and status brings exploitation, destruction and human misery. Lord Jesus Christ, please forgive us, cleanse us and teach us how to love. Today we remember serving military personnel, veterans and their families, and pray for a listening ear, understanding and the right resources to help them find deep and lasting peace. Holy Spirit forgive us for our clichés and empty words. May we find a way of honouring our veterans in meaningful and loving ways, so they know they are not forgotten, and can find solace for their souls. In Jesus name, Amen.

Memories, painful, therapeutic or both?

Memory is such a powerful but mysterious part of our minds and our souls. We all remember in different ways, sometimes we are good at remembering numbers, or names, or faces. Sometimes our memories are coloured by subsequent happenings, and so are hard to work out. Memories can be strong or fuzzy, or different for different types of experiences. So much is inexplicable.

This season of Remembrance is vitally important. The principle of remembering those who gave their lives in the service of their country, along with those who returned, and thinking of their families is part of being a compassionate society. When people have sacrificed so much for the sake of others, they should be honoured and remembered.

The nature of the remembering is more tricky. Everyone has their own individual experiences and perceptions, so the overall experience can be varied. It can be hard to have balance- one veteran remembers with great thanksgiving the life of a fallen comrade, whilst another is lost in the traumatic memory of a grenade exploding. Remembering is poignant.

Sometimes we want to try and forget, to repress difficult memories, but then the danger is that they bubble back to the surface after doing much damage. So we need to remember, even tough recollections, so we can process them, and become more healthy. There are many therapeutic ways of doing this, if you find the right person to be supportive. All too many veterans come back with ptsd, and need specialised support and don’t always have access to this, causing damage to self and to others.

I think of Jesus at the last supper, saying about eating the bread, and drinking the wine ‘ do this in memory of me’. He wanted his friends to know that he was willing to lay down his life out of love, snd to keep this love central in the life of the community, by continuing to celebrate this sacrament. Remembering had a sad dimension, but also had an aspect of hope.

This Remembrance Sunday, I pray that no one is struggling with dark and traumatic memories of conflict and war alone. I pray that everyone would have a safe person to be supportive, and when relevant, to signpost them to effective help. In a day of powerful emotions, may there even yet, be a sense of love, and the possibility of hope.

Creator God, You created human beings to be so amazing, and to be so beautiful, yet we can also be so conflicted and damaged. Lord Jesus, thankyou that You suffered on the cross, and that You understand our struggles and traumatic and painful memories. May the light and love of Christ dissipate the power of experiences of darkness and violence. Bring healing to all who suffer the vicissitudes of war, so that each one can find peace and meaning. May your holy spirit heal our memories, so we are free to breathe and live once more, in Jesus name, Amen.