Tears on the journey?

In this Christmas season, we reflect on all the characters in the gospel narratives, and I often think about Mary especially. When the angel Gabriel came to tell her of the child who would be God’s son, although she did not understand it, she was willing to be obedient. Mary seems to have such a sweet and humble disposition, with a desire to say yes to God.

Yet as she and Joseph travelled from Nazareth to Bethlehem, a journey thst would have taken four days on foot, you wonder what emotions she might gave experienced. To be 9 months pregnant and to walk eight hours a day must have been so hard. Mary is often portrayed as being on a donkey, but there is no mention of a donkey in the details shared in the gospels. If she travelled on foot, perhaps at night when it was cooler, she must gave been very tired, her body sore, and maybe even anxious and questioning. Who was going to support her when the baby came? How was she going to cope, so far away from most of her family? Maybe she was even afraid or tearful, wondering why things were unfolding the way they were.

It speaks so much to our human condition, that we often trust God, but struggle with human doubts and fears. The ‘what if’s’ can unsettled us, when our minds worry about the worst case scenarios. We can end up paralysed and tearful, wondering how it will all end up.

Mary must have had her struggles, yet somehow she still trusted in God’s goodness and love. Whatever situation we find ourselves in today, I think we too are called to trust, and to trust so deeply, that our trust is bigger than our fears.

The famous verses from Proverbs 3: 5-6 say; ‘ Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight.’ Trusting like this is not just in a one off moment, but a continued reliance on a God who is faithful and loving, and who seeks to guide our path even through unexpected twists and turns, and even in the dark. May we set aside our fears and anxieties, and learn to trust more fully.

Eternal God, we are inspired by Mary’s example and obedience to You, to travel with Joseph to Bethlehem even when it was tough and uncomfortable. Lord Jesus, You call us to follow you, even when it is dark, and we don’t know where we are going. Holy Spirit, forgive us when we are scared or tearful, and help us to trust You, knowing that You are faithful and will never let us down. For Mary, her humble trust led to the birth of the Saviour of the world. Through our obedience, may You also birth a new beginning in us that brings hope and light and life, Amen

Aslan is coming!

It has been so very cold in Scotland this week, with deep frosts overnight. It has been a beautiful season to walk in, with clear skies, crunchy leaves under foot, and fir trees painted with white patterns of sparkle!

It reminded me a bit of Narnia! I love reading C S Lewis’s Narnia books- they have such rich symbolism and imagery. You might remember it all starts with the four children Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy. Through the wardrobe, they inadvertently enter the into the magical land of Narnia, where the white witch seems to be in charge, and the land is always cold and wintry. It is a hostile landscape to live in.

However when Aslan is abroad, the snow starts to melt, the greenery starts to re- emerge, and life begins to return to the land. Aslan is the lion, whose presence is memorable- he is described as not safe but good. He symbolises God, not able to be fully known, but always worthy of our trust.

When I was travelling this week, there was a glorious moment when the sun broke through the clouds, the mist was dispersed, and the frost started to melt, and the green grass started to emerge. And hope reignited in my heart- it felt like a reminder of God being at work in our land. I tried to capture something of this in the photo above.

There is a poignant moment in the book ‘ The Dawn Treader’ where Lucy is in distress and says ‘ Aslan, Aslan, if you ever loved us at all, send us help now.’ The darkness did not seem any less, but she felt a little, a very little, less afraid.’ And later she hears a voice saying ‘ Courage dear heart’ and she knows her prayer has been heard.

As we go further into Advent, may we remember that Aslan is still about, and that God hears our prayers, and may this bring us hope.

Eternal Father, we give you thanks for Christian authors and artists who are so creative in conveying Your beauty and mystery and goodness. We give thanks for Aslan, the lion who sacrifices himself for the good of all. As we go further into Advent, we give thanks that we celebrate that Love came down at Christmas, in the form of our Saviour Jesus Christ. When are hearts have grown wintry, may Your presence melt away any barriers to receiving your love, so we can be tender and forgiving. Holy Spirit breathe into us colour and life once more, so we can reflect something of your light and love, even in winter months. Give us courage and hope we pray, and a trust that You hear our prayers, Amen.

Thresholds…..

We spend so much of our time on the move, on foot, on the bus, in the car. Especially at this time of year, the traffic is heavy on our streets. Despite the bad weather, the puddles and the torrential rain, so many people are out and in a rush, looking frustrated and impatient.

When the hustle and bustle is too great, I love reading a devotional writer like John O’ Donohue. His writings and reflections invite me to slow down and to ponder, which I love.

It would be an understatement to say I have not had a good year. But something I appreciate is that today is the end of the liturgical year, and that tomorrow is the beginning of the season of Advent, a time of new beginnings, of looking forward with expectations and hope. This is a threshold time.

In his collection of writings ‘To bless this space’ O’Donohue writes beautifully about thresholds. He writes about moving from one season to another and says: “a threshold is not a simple boundary- it is a frontier that divides two different territories, rhythms and atmospheres”. He speaks of the courage to follow the inner voice that beckons us forward.

Preparing for Advent is an invitation to reflect on the year past, to give thanks for the good, and bring what is painful and discouraging to Jesus, and then leaving it with Him. Leaving our hurts and frustrations at the foot of the cross, then helps us to go on with a lighter step. Instead of walking slowly, being weighed down by burdens and regrets, we move forward more steadily with a renewed sense of hope and even wonder- a change of rhythm and atmosphere indeed.

Maybe you have had a difficult year, a disappointment, a sadness. These things are hard to sit with, and take a long time to process. Yet the twinkling of the lights of this season remind us of the light of Christ, coming into this world, even though God knows the very worst of what the human heart can do. The birth of that Holy Child brings us hope, a belief that things can change, that there is an invitation for renewal and new horizons. May this be a threshold time for us all, a thin place where we experience anew the beauty and majesty of God, and find fresh strength and vision.

Eternal Father, the Creator of stars and atoms, the Source of all love, thank You for your patience with this weary and conflicted world. There is so much which is dark and cruel and heavy. Lord Jesus, Babe of Bethlehem, forgive us for our selfishness, greed and pride. May this be a threshold time between the year past, and opportunity for healing and repair in the days to come. Holy Spirit bring transformation to us, so we can leave our hurts behind, and move into a new season of healing and hope and wonder. May our prayers be for a better world, where Your kingdom of justice, light and love can more fully come. Use even us, in our weakness, and helps us to trust as we take the next step into new territory, Amen

We need to speak and be heard!

In Ecclesiastes chapter 3, it says that there is a time to speak and a time to be silent. We are silent when words are not needed, or when speaking could be misconstrued. But there are times when we need to speak, even when it is hard. Speaking out about injustice is a core calling in life.

At the moment, there are so many institutions which seem to have deviated from their original calling, whether it is in commerce, the NHS or the church. People speak out about mismanagement and about their frustrations about the things that are wrong. I think we need to test our hearts before we speak- we are not to do this out of bitterness or a desire for revenge, but out of concern, because we want things to be better.

The church is meant to be always reforming, desiring to follow the ways of Christ above all else. Sometimes we get distracted or misled. And so we pray for the Holy Spirit to cleanse us from anything that is impure, and to lead us on the path with the most integrity and love. How we love, is what demonstrates to others what our relationship with Jesus Christ is all about.

And so we pray that God gives us the right words when we speak. Often if we have courage to do so, just to be heard can be healing. It helps people to know they are not alone. Sometimes we are called to speak a prophetic word- to challenge something that is a cultural norm. In our society this seems so much needed- to call for justice for all, in all walks of life, so that everyone is treated with dignity and respect. This does not need to be a strident call, but a quiet, insistent one. If we see something is wrong, we pray, we act, we write to our MP, we give money to a relevant charity. There is so much we can do to bring justice to the world. It is so important not to be paralysed into inactivity because we think we cannot make a difference. Even one voice can have a positive impact.

In the book of Amos chapter 5:24 it says: let justice fall down like waters, and righteousness like a never failing stream’. God has always had a concern for justice, for the proud to be humbled and the poor to be lifted up. In a society where people are on zero hours contracts, where there is human trafficking, where the gap between the haves and have nots is so great, we pray for justice and challenge systems which have lost their way. Jesus spoke up for the oppressed and against the corruption of the Pharisees. We pray that we may follow in his footsteps.

Father God, You love justice and harmony, but our world is so fallen and selfish. Sometimes it is easier to pretend not to see the things that go wrong. Open our eyes, help us to see when we fall short, and may we be like Jesus, willing to speak out for people who find themselves marginalised and the broken. May your Holy Spirit inspire prophetic voices which will be heard and inspire beneficial change, so that there can be healing and restitution, and so the kingdom of God can come closer on earth. In Jesus name, Amen.

Remembering and then taking action………

Today is Remembrance Sunday, the day we hold a two minute silence to remember those who gave their lives in conflict, and those who served and their loved ones. It used to be we remembered the stories of veterans of the first and second world wars, but it is also those who served in Northern Ireland, in Iraq, in Afghanistan and so many other war zones. So many people have stories to tell. The battle is not just in active service, but when service men and women come back to civilian life, if they are that fortunate. How do you make that transition, when you have been right how to kill and maim as a living?

Sometimes on Remembrance Sunday we seem guilty of relying on stereotypes in our desciptions- of people who lay down their lives for their friends. It is noble and selfless. This is of course the most sacrificial thing anyone can do. But do we remember the moral complexities of war, the anguish of seeing civilian casualties, the trauma of being in hand to hand conflict? The stories of all these conflicts, each have patterns and nuances all of their own, and no stereotypes capture the stories of individual veterans and their families. The cost of war can only be told by them. Hearing one story, and then multiplying it by millions gives a small insight into the cost of war.

Today we are called to remember- to hear these stories and allow their message to speak to our souls. But surely this should not just be for one weekend a year. Veterans and their families need recognition and support all year round. Too many end up in situations of relationship breakdown, alienation from their loved ones, unable to hold down a job, struggling with addiction and homeless on our streets. I worry that we pay lip service on Remembrance Sunday, and then move on to other things. For the veteran, they can be left struggling with traumatic memories and broken lives.

So I think Remembrance Sunday calls us not just to remember but to act. It could be we act by listening to the story of some one who is struggling, giving money to a veterans charity, or talking to that veteran who lives along the street, who seems a bit isolated. People with multiple trauma and memories of war are often looking for understanding, and the hope that one day their lives could get better. Will we show solidarity with them? If we do not act, then Remembrance seems a bit hollow- a platitude or a cliche that lacks application or conviction.

I speak to myself also. My late husband was wounded in active service, and these wounds and disability marred all subsequent days of his life. Trying to access the right support for him in his particular situation was almost impossible. And he had to live with that. He was proud to have served, but on the days when nightmares were dark and unrelenting and his disability was especially debilitating, he felt frustrated, angry and forgotten. How do we reassure people that their stories are not forgotten?

For me, this is the hardest weekend of the year. What are we called to do to support our veterans community in a meaningful way? How can we act effectively and wisely to support those most in need? I have more questions than answers.

Jesus lay down his life for his friends – in 1 John 3:16 it says ‘ This is how we know what love is- Jesus Christ lay down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.’ The love of God is so wide and high and deep- it has no end. We ask God to pour out that love into our lives, so we can then love others in a generous and meaningful way. Will we consider that calling whatever it might take us?

Eternal God- You created this world to be a harmonious whole, where we live in love and dignity, giving glory back to You. But we rebelled against You, forgetting Your teaching and following our own selfish desires. The human desire for money and power and status brings exploitation, destruction and human misery. Lord Jesus Christ, please forgive us, cleanse us and teach us how to love. Today we remember serving military personnel, veterans and their families, and pray for a listening ear, understanding and the right resources to help them find deep and lasting peace. Holy Spirit forgive us for our clichés and empty words. May we find a way of honouring our veterans in meaningful and loving ways, so they know they are not forgotten, and can find solace for their souls. In Jesus name, Amen.

In-between times – times of turmoil!

Sorting is so demanding! I am in the middle of going through my possesions, getting ready to move, and at times it is overwhelming. There is so much to look at, and decisions to make about each item. I realise that I own too many things, and that I need to let many of them go. I know this process will have a good outcome, and that at the end of it I will feel lighter and more free- just not yet…

So many times in life, we trust that one day things will get better, but we have to be patient meantime. The in between bit is the tough time. We can feel a bit like Job, when so much was taken from him- his family, his health, his livelihood. We just sit in the dust, pondering why our life turned out the way it did. Sometimes there are no easy answers. It seems important to he honest, when we ask why? So much is incomprehensible in this earthly life.

Another bible character that had many questions was Joseph. He was sold into slavery in Egypt, was thrown into prison for something he didn’t do, and for many years was estranged from his family. Yet God used Joseph to help many during a time of famine, and in the end in chapter 50 of Genesis, Joseph says to his brothers: ‘ You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.’

Joseph must have experienced times of resentment and anger at what his brothers had done, and the unfair way he was treated. Yet with God’s help, over many years, he found it in his heart to forgive them. He didn’t let his heart grow bitter or hold a grudge. Later in his life, he had the opportunity to be reconciled with his family, and he rejoiced.

In life, we go through in between times- times of transition, letting go of the old and not quite sure what the new looks like. It can be unsettling and scary. I believe that Jesus sits with us in these messy uncertain times, and his presence brings consolation and hope. We are blessed, even when we understand very little. We trust that the best is yet to come.

Eternal Father, You are there at the beginning of our lives, and when we are ready to be reunited with You once more, You call us to be with You through the grace of Jesus Christ. We are so thankful that we can trust You for that amazing heavenly eternity. Meanwhile we live in the in-between, a time of messiness and confusion, questioning and loss. At times we just have to sit with it, to experience the heartbreak and pain. But this is only tempory. Holy Spirit speak to our hearts so even in times of turmoil, we can forgive, keep trusting, and can find peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen

Downsizing- the need to ask for help?

At the moment I am getting ready to move, and I need to downsize. I have discovered that I seem to have previously unrecognised hoarding tendencies, and also a plethora of items from other family members. My worst vice is buying books, often second hand, with an eye for a bargain, and a promise to myself that I will read it later. This great love of literature has not worked well for me in practice, for I have so many bookcases of wonderful but unread books. The challenge is now to release them back into the universe. It is so tempting to put these books into the box for the charity shop, and two minutes later sneak them back on the shelf. No wonder downsizing is slow work.

I think I need to become more ruthless in this regard. When I find a box of old photos, it is easy to become completely distracted and look at each one. I obviously haven’t sorted them before judging by the ones with thumbs over the lens, blurry ones, and ones I have no idea of where the grey landscape actually is.

The thing that really strikes me is that I have far too much stuff. The objects I want to keep are practical, or have sentimental significance, or are beautiful, but many things I have just casually accumulated, and need to be released. Some you hope will bless others, but some just need to go in the bin!

I am finding it exhausting- emotionally and physically and spiritually. There are times when I have even needed to ask for help. Trying to sort everything has been so overwhelming, people to help sort, wrap or take things away are invaluable. I am indebted to declutterers and friends who have supported me in this process. At times I prefer to be independent, and I have to learn again and again it is ok to ask for some one to help me work things out. A lesson for the whole of life, that in any healthy community, there are seasons for us to both give and receive, and that is ok.

A verse that is speaking to me a lot just now is that “God is not a God of disorder but of peace.” 1 Corinthians 14:33. From the beginning of creation, God loves to bring form and beauty out of nothing. Out of the darkness, the holy spirit brings life and harmony and peace. In a way, clearing the clutter and letting things go, seems to mirror the creativity of God, and in the space there is opportunity for new beginnings and priorities, even a new way of living.

Our enviroment can make a big difference as to how we feel. If we have stuff everywhere, it can weigh us down and feel oppressive. Clearing, sorting, reorganising, letting go, can be liberating for our soul. With that vision to inspire, meanwhile I need to go through another box………..

Creator God, You have made the heavens and the earth, and they are a beautiful interweaving of light and shade, with geometric patterns of colour and form. We are in awe of You. Lord Jesus, forgive us for our greed, that we have too much stuff, that we covet things we do not need, and are weighed down by an excess of unnecessary objects. Grant us courage to let things go, even though it is painful. When things seem overwhelming, may we have the courage to ask for help. Enable us to be content with less, and more generous in our sharing with others. Holy Spirit help us let go of what we no longer need, and to create space where something new can be birthed. In Jesus’ name, Amen

Acknowledging negative bias!

When we look back at memories, we often remember what went wrong, rather than anything that went well. We might have had a good journey, but the thing that most comes to mind was that we almost ran out of petrol. We might have had a lovely coffee with a friend, but the bit we dwell on was that there was a draught from the door. We often fixate on the bit that was less than perfect or even almost went wrong!

Scientists speak of how our brains naturally have a negative bias. It is something primal, so we don’t overlook something that is a potential threat or danger. We tend to see the world through a distorted lens.

This makes the understanding and narration of events so difficult, as they are always interpreted through our own perception. If we are aware that we can at times over emphasise the negative, then the repair is to be thankful. The psalms are full of calls to be thankful. ‘ Give thanks to the Lord for He is good’ psalm 107;1 .Part of the prayer The Examen, is to spend time at the end of each day noticing the good ways God has been at work in our lives, and this is indeed a healing thing to do.

To add another twist in this however, is that sometimes we are so busy trying to be thankful, that we characterise something difficult or damaging through rose coloured glasses. We make excuses for things, we try to see the best in people, where actually the darkness is deeper than we thought. Having this realisation I think is one of the saddest place to be.

The Bible talks of us all being sinners, and that we all are called to be honest about our failings and shortcomings. This is liberating, as because of the cross, God offers us forgives for our wrongdoing. But when we realise how rebellious we are as a human race, what our capability to destroy is, it is salutary, as we all contribute to what is wrong in the world.

Jesus calls us to live in balance- yes to be aware of the darkness, but also to choose to live in the light. As we get older I think this is more difficult, as there are so many shadows. We ask the holy spirit to help us. If we have a tendency to negativity, then we pray to notice what is good and hopeful. If we think the world is always a lovely place, may we ask for insight as to the heartbreaks around us, so we may play our part to bring consolation and healing to those in pain. May God give to us all the grace that we need for whatever circumstances we find ourselves in, so we can console as well as being consoled.

Eternal Father, You have created this to be a beautiful and inspirational world, with a myriad of colour and form and texture. There are seasons in our lives when we are off balance, especially when we are noticing only the negative and the cruel. Lord Jesus call us out of the darkness, remind us of all that is noble, true, beautiful and good, pure and lovely. May our attention dwell on these, so that our soul is healed. May your Holy Spirit touch our lives and rekindle our love though an outpouring of your joyful abundance of love, that we be reminded of our true identity in You, and learn to dance in freedom once more. For your precious Son’s sake, Amen

Anniversaries- empty rooms and heart!

Bereavement is not just about emotions, although that is core. You go through a relentless rollercoaster, coping with shock, sadness, anger, thanksgiving, questioning, remembering, reflecting, and then doing them all again. But there are also practical things to do, such as clearing a house, which is such an enormous task.

Today is a first anniversary, and it feels so heavy. A mixture of memories and practical things to do. And I have been working on finishing clearing the house, which has been a privilege. I have found childhood toys I had long forgotten about- triggering so many memories. And there have been old photos, letters, things of sentimental value buried at the back of drawers. You feel a bit like a detective!

Seeing rooms gradually emptying is a painful necessity. You forget how physically demanding it is, and resting, regrouping and asking a friend to help can be key. You know the work needs to be done, but emptying the room is like losing the person all over again. I always take lots of photos before I start, so I remember. Letting go of personal effects, of clothes, of furniture is excruciating, as there are so many memories attached to each one. I have taken some items back to my house, but I try not to take too many- there are too many boxes in the hall already!

I guess in life, we need to let go, to make space not just for the future but to live in the present. Clothes and furniture can bless others, houses need to be lived in by new families making new memories, and that is a comfort. Life goes on.

In Ecclesiastes chapter 3 it says that – ‘There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun’. Later in Ecclesiastes 3 it also says that God has made everything beautiful in its time. The secret I think is to trust him, to lament in our sorrow, and then in time to embrace what is new. May God give us grace to honour past memories and relationships, and as we cherish them, also to find courage to find our new path.

Eternal God, it is hard to say goodbye, as we let go of possessions and places of which we have special memories. They embody people we have loved, and their loss accentuates the pain. Yet Lord Jesus, we cannot keep the world the same. You call us to come and follow, at times to shake the dust from our feet, and prepare for new adventures. May we treasure every moment, for life is fleeting. Holy Spirit, remind us that every day is a privilege, every moment can be beautiful, an opportunity to live, love and to bless. May we find courage to go forward even when our hearts are still heavy, in Jesus name Amen.

Carried by prayer!

Recent weeks have been tough. I have had to change direction in my life, and although I know it was the right thing to do, I am grieving over the people I miss, and the calling I love. It is a desert time.

Yet in the midst of my sadness and loss, I have been so encouraged by the people who have been thoughtful and prayerful. I am so grateful for people’s understanding and compassion. I am so tempted to judge myself, that I appreciate when others don’t make my burden heavier by their critical spirit. Every prayerful, gracious response has strengthened me.

It reminds us as a community to be kind to each other. When some one is struggling, then taking time to pray can just make such a difference. Even in my sorrow and questioning, I feel carried by prayer. Sometimes the right person has turned up at a crucial time, or a message of support has lifted me up. And I believe that it is through prayer that these miraculous things have happened, and I am deeply grateful.

Jesus talked about prayer in Luke chapter 18 when he spoke of the persistent widow and said to his disciples that they should pray and not give up. The 19th century poet Tennyson said ‘ more things are wrought by prayer, than this world dreams of’. This is such a powerful quotation, and inspires us that when we pray, God can change things for good.

We are not to make a spectacle about prayer, it is often a quiet occupation, just in our room in the beginning or evening of the day. Although we don’t always see the fruit of our prayer, when we get to heaven, we will have a better understanding. And when we see the majesty and goodness and love of God, we will be humbled indeed. Meantime, even though I feel spiritually battered and sore, I am so grateful to be carried by prayer, surrounded by love and so wonderfully blessed.

Gracious God, You have loved us since before the beginning of time. We are made in Your image, bought at a price through Jesus’ death on the cross, forgiven and set free. Yet sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we are enmeshed in things which pull us down and make us self doubt. Lord Jesus Christ, for all who are struggling, bring your healing grace, and minister to us by the power of your Holy Spirit. May the prayers and encouragement of loving people, bring restoration of identity and the truth that sets us free. Help us to persevere in prayer, through which God does amazing and beautiful things, Amen.