Tears in the lift!

Invictus Games at Vancouver and Whistler.

I was staying in a hotel in Vancouver last week, and there started to appear a number of people with fluorescent yellow jackets. Emblazoned across the front of these jackets, it said Invictus. I started talking to one of the girls in the lobby, and she was a helper with the Invictus games that were just about to be held. As the days went on, I realised that the hotel was one of the sites where a number of international teams were living. I met them in the gym, the lobby and the lift. Many of them were in wheelchairs or had prosthetic limbs.

I am just learning about the Invictus games. They are international, this year with 23 countries represented. They were started in 2014 by Prince Harry and others, as a way of supporting wounded, injured or sick military personnel and veterans, through sports activities to promote recovery.

I was in the lift, when a veteran came in from a country I had a particular sympathy with. I manage to splurge out a few haphazard words, which did not ask for a reply. I just looked at his eyes just for a moment, and his eyes held such unimaginable pain and darkness, that I started to cry. He looked away, and I didn’t want to make it worse, so I didn’t say anything else. Eventually after that felt like an eternity, the lift doors opened and he left.

I haven’t been able to get him out of my head. The silent anguish in his eyes pierced my soul. He just looked as if he had been through so much. I know some veterans make good progress, and heal from their physical and emotional wounds, and i am thankful for that. But I am also aware of the number who really struggle, and who wonder if they will ever heal from the pain, the traumatic memories and the nightmares.

I am not a pacifist- I realise that there can be times when physical conflict can be the lesser of two evils. However there are so many questions about how we as a society treat those who fight for their country, to defend others or maintain the peace. How do we prepare people for conflict? How do we support their families? And how do we support those who come back feeling broken and betrayed because of what they had seen and done, who are questioning and have lost any sense of self. The ptsd symptoms and moral injury can be deeply disturbing and long lasting. We are still learning how to support those who struggle, with the therapeutic resources and physical and pastoral needed for veterans and their families.

These tears in the lift were significant because God used them to remind me of the pain and anguish of those who have served, and the horrendous scars, visible and invisible of our vetean community. It can leave us feeling helpless and ashamed at how little we can do.

And yet, confronted with the darkness of human violence and brutality, we start by noticing, and making space to ask difficult questions. When we don’t know ehat to do, we pray and ask God to show us how to proceed. I love Karl Barth’s quotation ‘ to clasp the hands in prayer is the beginning of an uprising against the disorder of the world’.

Noticing the pain of the human condition, however uncomfortable, motivates me to look to God for answers. We persevere in prayer. We see if there are opportunities to act, to support that neighbour who is a veteran, or that person at work, or the person in the homeless shelter. Sometimes we have the capacity to engage personally, to listen attentively and compassionately. At other times we support from a distance, by supporting a veterans charity financially or as a volunteer.

When faced with a suffering soul, I don’t believe that we should pretend not to have seen. As a society, I believe that we have a moral imperative to support our veteran community in effective and compassionate ways, open to learning from what they feel is most effective. May God show us how to do this.

Lord Jesus, You wept over the suffering of Jerusalem. You foresaw the destruction and carnage there, and you wanted to gather the people into a safe place, like a hen gathering her chicks under her wings but they would not have it. Eternal Father, how You must lament over our human sin and rebellion- where humanity chooses to slaughter each other over a piece of land or money or political advantage. People in power often seem to start such conflict casually, and those who serve, those whose homes are bombed and become refugees are seen as an inconvenience. Holy Spirit, help us follow the ways of our God, the teachings of Jesus. Especially this day, we ask for your blessing on gatherings like the Invictus games, and we pray that there would be an abundance of courage, connection and healing that is miraculous. May the devastating consequences of conflict inspire us to be peace makers wherever possible, and to treat with special tenderness those whose eyes are dull with raw pain and sadness. In Jesus’ healing and powerful name, Amen.

Bagpipes and banter!

You know that way where you are invited to a house, and they welcome you, and it feels amazing.

After getting off a transatlantic flight, I was welcomed by my beautiful friends, they met me, and made food for me, set a fun table, and even played ‘ bagpipe’ music. The fun and the banter ( and even the music) expressed a deep feeling of acceptance and love. It is such a meaningful thing to be welcomed and loved.

I think of people who feel lonely or invisible, and how hard life can be. We can all begin to doubt ourselves, and to question our value. People’s stories are often full of misunderstanding and rejection, which can spiral into depression.

Everyone wants to be heard, understood and valued, to be seen. I wonder how we can do this better, in families, in society. There are always people that we find difficult, but even if we prayed more for each other, if we recognised the positive, and were kinder, that would be a start. It can take a while to get to forgiveness, but even civility can be a starting place.

When we are welcomed and shown hospitality, especially that space to be, that is so healing in itself, for when we relax, then we have more insight, we see things more clearly, and we are more open to learning. And we need to learn, to grow in our understanding and our faith.

I love the story of the Prodigal son in Luke 15, where the young man has tried to go it alone, to be independent, but he falls into bad company, squanders his money, and he has nothing left. He decides to go back to his father’s house and beg for mercy. He must have felt so ashamed, at letting everyone down, and being such a failure. It was a very public humiliation, as he walked back along that path to his family home.

Despite the fact that the son had been away for a long time, the Father is looking out for him. He welcomes him, gives him the best robes, and kills the fatted calf for him. He has to welcome him because once he was lost, but now he is found. He is welcomed, accepted and there is a place for him.

I wonder if we are craving acceptance, a place where we are known and loved. By the grace of God, this is what the Christian faith offers us, a God who reaches out to us in love and grace, who longs for us to know his saving love. We are all so loved, if only we can receive it.

Gracious and hospitable God, You are so patient and loving with us, even though we do not deserve it. We stamp our feet, go off on the wrong path, whilst proudly thinking we know best. And then when it goes wrong, we are so ashamed and downhearted. Lord Jesus, thankyou that You don’t reject us, but look upon us with mercy. Thankyou for the story of the forgiving Father, and that You welcome Your prodigal sons and daughters home with such a tender love. When we feel far from You, lost in the darkness, may we know the prompting of your spirit, bringing us into your living presence here on earth, and to know your generous welcome of love and light, acceptance and care. For Jesus sake, Amen

Kelp, causeways and inspiring young people.

I love travelling- it broadens my mind, and is a brilliant way to learn. It is great to be up here in Uist, and to spend time just being. It seems to be a land of picturesque stone causeways connecting different islands, and amazing colours and intricate patterns of kelp on the beaches.

The landscape is stunning, even in the mist and dreich, grey skies. There are machairs full of wild flowers, beaches of white sand and kelp, and wildlife galore. Today I saw a majestic white tailed eagle, otters and red deer, and seals lazing on rocks, and they were all amazing.

I have learned much of the history of the place, from archaeological finds ( Kilphedar Kate) to stories about crofting and the clearances. The uses for kelp, eg dried out and used for bedding, are so varied. Such a hard life, making a living from the landscape, land or sea.

Something quite unexpected has been arriving during a Gaelic summer school, – Ceolas. Listening to traditional Gaelic tunes and songs has been very moving, even though I haven’t always known what they are about! Such a rich heritage, snd so encouraging to see so many young people involved.

One of the things I have so appreciated is listening to young people. The young people coming to Ceolas, full of enthusiasm and talent, eager to learn. And other young people who just love the animals and landscape here, and are brilliant advocates to help others appreciate Uist. There has been a lyrical kindness in so many people’ s souls, it has been a pleasure to be here.

I also really appreciated Andrew my son and Lauren, who came to get me when my car broke down on the way to Mallaig. I then set off in a different car, which unbelievably even for me, also broke down ( just for the record it was nothing to do with my driving). And then he and Lauren drove me to Mallaig in the middle of the night- so I wouldn’t miss my ferry. A very stressful start, but he was a superhero!

For all those amazing young people who quietly help others out, and try to make the world a better place- a blessing from Numbers 6:

The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you, the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.

Gracious God, sometimes we listen to the tv and our spirits are heavy because of all the difficult and negative news. Lord Jesus, enlarge our vision, and remind us of all the good in the world, the richness of different cultures, the wild beauty of island landscapes, the generosity and kindness of many, especially our young people. Holy spirit, may we appreciate them, and encourage them, and pray for them in the midst of the pressures of the world. Thankyou for all the ways You inspire us each day, Amen.

Putting up the Christmas tree – special memories!

This is a photo from about 14 years ago. The memories are lovely, because everyone loved putting up the Christmas tree- as you can see! We put on Christmas music, found the decorations in the loft, brought everything downstairs and started. Many decorations were made by Andrew, or chosen on a special occasion. There was tinsel everywhere, and the result wasn’t always the neatest. As a family it was a fun activity to do together, with food and drink and even some dancing!

I so miss this. Today we bring the box down from the loft, and wonder who has time to untangle the lights, or get new ones. It has become a bit of a chore. There are so many fewer presents, as people are no longer here. It feels as if it has lost its sparkle.

If we have a Christmas with family all around, it is good to give thanks, and to enjoy all the people interactions, all the bustle and noise. If there are small children involved, then appreciate their wonder and even their tantrums!

Quieter Christmases are just different. There is more space to read, and walk and enjoy music. The Christmas tree eventually goes up, although there is a hint of sadness in its branches.

I remember the verse ‘ Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:18

There is something about giving thanks when it is busy, there are toys, and visits and laughter and chaos. Yet also giving thanks when Christmas involves fewer people, and less variety and voices. The challenge is to create new rituals and traditions, to form new communities and to find peace.

Gracious God, before Your face, generations rise and pass away. Thankyou for Christmas, and all the ways that we celebrate the coming of Jesus Christ into this world, the Babe of Bethlehem. We give thanks for the wonder and joy of children, and that they bring this dimension into the day. And we give thanks even when the place settings are empty, and a number of years have gone by. We remember with deep thanksgiving, and we treasure what we have. Holy spirit touch the lives of all for whom this Christmas is tough, and the loss of a loved one so raw. May we all find comfort, and in time courage to create new traditions, for the sake of our Saviour Jesus Christ, Amen.

” a million thankyous”

On behalf of Andrew and myself, I want to thank everyone so much who attended, and showed an interest in our booklaunch ” Love Song for a wounded warrior“. We are so greatly humbled by your prayers and good wishes and comments, and are very moved by the support of so many.

The idea of this book was to honour the memory of my late husband Colin, who wanted his memories and recollections of his time in military service, especially northern Ireland, to be published. Last night at the booklaunch, I read out one of his poems, and I was so heartened by people really listening to what it was about, and relating to the horror of war. Just in that one part of the meeting alone, it fulfilled so much of what we hoped for.

We were also grateful for the words of Shirley from Epilepsy Connections, who spoke so caringly, and with such insight as to the situation of so many people with epilepsy in Scotland, and the struggles they face. And to have Allana with us was so lovely, from the Coming Home centre, who has such a passion to support veterans and their families on their return to civilian life. The work of these two charities is inspirational and they go the extra mile to help others.

We were delighted that the Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland, Rev Dr Martin Fair could come along, and for his words of encouragement and grace. We also heard the words of Rev Jock Stein, who edited and published the book, and who was such a brilliant support in bringing the book to this point.

Andrew speaking about the way his dad’s disability affected him, gave very real insight into the difficulties that can be faced by children of veterans. After a time of questions and answers, the meeting came to a close, but it was such a wonderful time to hear people acknowledge Colin’s story, and both he and his parents would have been so pleased.

” In my end is my beginning”

The Four Quartets – TS Eliot

I was thinking of these words – how God can bring something good, even out of the most dark and difficult of circumstances, and praying that our of this book, might come fundraising, and also conversation about how to better care for people who are veterans, people with epilepsy and brain damage. The conversation seems to have started already, and I hope that out of Colin’s life and death, God can bring something with will bless and help others.

An enormous thank you all, for participating in this process with me, whether near or far. Our society is under such pressure just now, but anything that can help us to think about how we can support people with complex needs and difficult behaviours, is surely central to that question about what it means to love and care for some of the most vulnerable in our society. I will keep blogging, because somehow I always seem to have something to say! But just now, thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Dear God, we give thanks for Your faithfulness in difficult days,

For the support of friends and family, for moments of connection and care,

That out of despair and pain, can come possibilities of new beginnings.

Lord Jesus, bless all those today, who are veterans or veterans’ families,

Who are carers for people with epilepsy or disabilities,

Grant them the right support, respite, wise guidance, humour and love

In the midst of the challenges of every day life,

And guide and sustain all those who seek to support them, Amen