Constructive self talk!

Last week, I had one of those in between days. I had lots of chores to catch up on, and I had a cold, and things went wrong, and nothing was where it should be. Ever had a day like that? It wasn’t even a day for writing, just a day of everything feeling slightly off.

The problem with days like this, is that it is easy to spiral into negative talk. Why is this so difficult, why am I not stronger? Why is nothing going forward? It can be very bleak.

At times like these, we have to make a choice. Do we keep going with the ‘ I am not equipped to do this, I am not good enough’ internal dialogue, or can I turn it round into this is a low moment when I am not feeling well, it will get better. We need to decide to hope.

The bible really helps for it reminds me that we are all loved by God. and are precious to Him – in 1 John 3:1 it says ‘ see what great love God has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God.’ And this truth can set us free, when we are struggling. I might feel down, I might doubt my abilities, but I am loved by God, one of His children, and He is watching over me. This gives me strength and hope.

There is a beautiful song by the singer Laura Daigle called ‘ You say’ and in the lyrics it says: You say I am loved when I don’t feel a thing, You say I am strong when I think I am weak, and You say I am held when I am falling short, And when I don’t belong, You say I am yours.’

When we feel weak or inadequate, God reminds us that He sees us, and that we are precious in His sight. He speaks words of affirmation to our soul, and His truth brings liberation. And our self talk changes from negative to hopeful, from destructive to constructive. And things don’t change overnight, but gradually God’s truth gives us courage, and we find strength to start again each day.

Gracious God, sometimes we have dark days, when things go wrong and we are full of self doubt. It is easy to blame ourselves for what goes wrong. Thankyou Lord Jesus that you remind us that we are loved, that You know us so well You know even the number of hairs on our heads, the words we speak before they come out our mouths. Holy spirit challenge our negative self talk, and help us to see ourselves though your eyes. Heal our souls, rebuild our self esteem, and enable us to live in positivity and freedom.

Lent- a howling in the night!

I have been pondering much in recent days. I think that first steps in the desert is maybe one of the worst, most challenging part of the journey, because it is new and unfamiliar. Being in the desert at night, hearing the rustle of an ibex in the acacia trees, or the sound of hyenas in the distance and feeling vulnerable is a scary experience. That is when your imagination works overtime, and you can fear the worst.

Dealing with new situations generally can be like this. There is a deluge of new facts and information to deal with, and we have to reorient ourselves. It takes a lot of energy and focus. In times of transition in our lives, when things are changing on different fronts simultaneously, it is easy to get overwhelmed.

In the darkness in the desert, the most innocent of sounds can be built up in our imagination. We can become paralysed with fear, pumped full of adrenaline, hyper aroused, waiting for the next noise, working out if it is near or far, and what kind of threat it might pose.

In these times of disorientation and fear, we remember that God is with us. In psalm 3 verses 3 and 5, ( NLT translation) it says; ‘But You O Lord, are a Shield around me, you are my glory, the one who holds my head high. …………… I lay down and slept, yet I woke up in safety, for the Lord was watching over me.’

In the night, when we cannot sleep, and our thoughts run riot, we remember that God is our Shield and Protector, that he keeps us safe from the predators of darkness. And in the light of morning, we see things more clearly, our fears diminish, and our trust in our Faithful God is renewed. May we pray.

Gracious God, sometimes we fear the terrors of the night, and we need to be reminded that You shelter us under the protection of your wings, and that You keep us safe. Lord Jesus forgive us that we so quickly become worried and fearful. Help us to remember the words of psalm 91, that you will protect those who trust in You. Help us not to focus on the scary sounds of the night, but on Your faithful promises. In times of change and challenge, may your holy spirit help us to take a breath, to refocus on your love and truth, and then to confidently take the next step in our journey. For Jesus sake, Amen

Dustbin lorries bring hope!

My bins are all full, but my house is full too. Despite my best efforts, there seems to be ‘stuff’ everywhere. And worse than this, the stuff symbolises memories, events and people. Many of these are good, but some are sad or poignant.

I have a number of black bags in the house, which I am categorising as being ‘ in transit’. They are no longer meant to be in the house, but the bin is full, so I wait for the bin lorry to come soon. ( even though I recycle what I can!)

This might all sound very trivial, but the decluttering symbolises my cry to God to cleanse my soul too. We have so many memories, sometimes that haunt us, and that we try to bury. But actually we need to take them out into the light, and to look at them, and ask God to heal us. Sometimes we need to forgive, or sometimes to ask forgiveness. And then to let them go. And it has to happen one memory at a time- such a painstaking process, but it is the only way to make space, and to find peace.

Readings from Ecclesiastes 3 figure largely in my life just now- there is a time for everything, amongst others, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to be silent, and a time to speak.

This seems to be a time of cleansing, of letting go, of making space. But it is painful. To make space means to let go of old ways and assumptions, and to embrace new ways forward. And the new way is not always clear, and it is easy to take a wrong turn. And then I have to forgive myself, and seek God’s strength to find the right path.

Every now and again, I catch a glimpse of what space and freedom feels like. It could be receiving an act of kindness or being understood, or a moment of peace. And it is such a revelation, a moment of integration, and of communion with God. Breathtaking and inspirational momentary solace. And then it is back to looking at the black bags again. They are on their way out- honest…….

Gracious God, in this season of Lent, we are more aware of our shortcomings, and of the darkness within. We confess our struggles once more, our desire to hang on to stuff from the past, because its familiarity brings comfort. Lord Jesus, show us what you desire of us this day. We trust that You still have a good purpose for our lives. Holy spirit, reveal to us the truth about ourselves, cleanse us from all that weighs us down, and heal our sorrow. Thankyou that You understand our frustration, for letting go is such slow and painful work. May we have a loving community around us, to support us in our healing process, Amen