Why is trying to make the right decision so painful?

We want to make the best choice, the right decision. We look at things from every angle, we pray and wrestle, anguishing over each possible scenario.

I remember saying to God, I need you to speak to me really clearly, so I can hear. And He gradually loosened my calling in one direction, and placed new possible opportunities on my heart. I am so grateful to God for His great faithfulness.

I remember the psalmist’s words ‘In my distress, I called to God and He answered me and brought me to a spacious place’ Psalm 118:5. The truth of this promise is wonderful.

I am not complaining, but just noticing that even when you know something is the right way forward, it can still be excruciatingly painful. Letting go of a community of wonderful people, faithful and thoughtful friends, and joyful memories can be so hard. And in your worst moments you self question, feeling guilt that you have let people down, that you couldn’t fulfil what you desperately wanted to do.

When we make painful decisions, I think there can be a season of numbness and then lamentation. There are no shortcuts to feeling better. Sometimes you have to sit with pain and loss, to be honest about the sadness and to acknowledge it, before you can begin to process and hopefully eventually to heal. Like Job, we can have people who sit with us in our times of questioning and loss. Their quiet prayer and understanding can be an encouragement, and I am deeply grateful for all who seek to comfort and bless.

Gracious God, sometimes in life there seem to be no good choices, yet we still have to choose a path. May we always be attentive to Your voice Lord Jesus, and to follow the way of Your choosing. Give us courage when the pain of letting go seems too severe, and may we be open to Your Holy Spirit. Help us to know that after the heaviest rain shower comes radiant light and vibrant colour. May we mourn all that is lost, for the time that is needed, but find peace in that we have been obedient, and find hope for a new beginning.

There is still light in the sky….

I was driving a few weeks ago, and it got suddenly very dark. I was on narrow country roads, and then there was a diversion. The rain was heavy, the roads were flooded, and even with the high speed movement of the windscreen wipers, it was difficult to see. It was a very disorientating evening, and I wondered if I would ever arrive.

The thing that helped, was that there was still a little light in the sky. It was just a narrow band but it made all the difference. It orientated me in the midst of the twists and turns, and helped me keep my bearings.

Life seems so difficult these days, so much harshness in our society, health worries and concerns about how to keep a roof over our heads. Sometimes it can seem very dark.

I love the season of Advent, and the lighting of that first candle, however fragile and flickering. It just seems like a statement that there is still light and hope and love in the world. Even if we feel we are sitting in darkness just now, somewhere the light still shines. Whether we are wrestling with low mood, anxiety or sadness, God’s love is still our Guide.

In John chapter I verse 5 it says; the Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness could not put it out’ Whatever we might be struggling with today, there is always hope, and possibilities of forgiveness and new beginnings. May we find courage to believe.

Gracious God, sometimes the world seems so dark, with conflict and ugliness and greed. It is easy to lose hope, and to despair of things getting better. Lord Jesus, thankyou for the Advent message of Your coming into the world as a vulnerable baby, revealing the very nature of God, and your promise to one day come back. Holy spirit, reveal to us more of the light, and may that light diminish our darkness, and help us find our path. Thankyou that there is always some light in the sky, in Jesus name, Amen.

The significance of doors

Our beautiful dog Gabriel is so clever that he can work the door handle to the kitchen, so he could get into the fridge- his favourite place! He looks so very pleased when he manages this.

A great strategy to deal with this, was to replace the handle with a door knob, so the dog can’t work it. This is an excellent solution, except sometimes I can’t turn it either, and then we are both locked out of the kitchen!

This started me reflecting on the importance of doors. Sometimes we try a door, and it just won’t open. It might lead to a geographical location, but sometimes to a new experience or spiritual journey. We pray, we bargain, we plead, but the door will not budge.

At other times, doors open that we hadn’t even known existed, and we are amazed and bemused. Is this a door we are meant to be going through? We pray for the guidance of God to show us. A door might open easily, but this doesn’t mean it is the right one.

We know from Ecclesiastes that there is a season for everything under the sun, but the transition between seasons can often be messy and poorly defined. Knowing the direction of our calling, and our life is not easy to discern.

There is a song by the band ‘King and Country’ called ‘Pushing on a pull door’ . It is such a relatable song, because it is all about making plans, and thinking you know what might happen, and then everything goes upside down, and you realise that you have been pushing on a door that won’t open in the way you thought. All that energy, until you learn to see things through God’s eyes, and that you need to change your approach.

In this season leading up to Advent, we had plans for Christmas, and what this time might look like, but our plans have had to change dramatically. In these days of trying to keep everyone safe from the virus, we seem to be revising all our decisions daily, and it is exhausting. Do we see that person, can we travel there, should we self isolate, just in case? How do we keep people safe, but also help them to know they are remembered and loved?

Whatever our decisions, about Christmas arrangements, or our path through life, may God guide us on His path, and may we be quiet enough to listen to hear His voice speaking to us. May Jesus show is the right door to go through, and his Holy spirit guide our steps.

‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your path straight. ‘ Proverbs 3: 5-6

May we pray: Gracious God, we start of on our journey, thinking we know the doors to open, but finding that the door will not budge, and we get frustrated and bewildered. We do not know where to turn. Lord Jesus, on the road to the cross, the path was often difficult, with unexpected turns. Help us to know this can be true for us too. Please travel with us, give us courage, and through your holy spirit guide our footsteps, and bring us to the place of your choosing, to a place of healing love, obedience and peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.