Memories- both unsettling and healing!

Memories can be such a comfort- we might think of a summer day away, or a special meal, or a childhood recollection. We might remember family and friends, laughter and sunshine, joy and exuberance! In later life, we can take such delight in such moments.

However, we often don’t mention the more difficult memories, times of illness or grief or trauma. We keep them to ourselves, keeping a protective coating over them. The significance of dates is a good example. We celebrate birthdays and anniversaries in community, but the darker remembrance of difficulty, tragedy or loss are often recalled more quietly. What do we do with the unsettling memories, the ones that have been unspoken or unacknowledged?

I wonder sometimes as a society if we need to be more honest. Maybe we are scared to be real, because sometimes people take advantage of us. It is true that trust needs to be earned. We need to choose who to trust. Yet being real, rather than pretending everything is ok, often seems more healthy. Another example of this is in funeral eulogies. People can leavea service thinking they don’t recognise the description of the person, because only the good has been shared. Of course, we want to be gracious, but hinting at some of the person’s more human characteristics can be healing.

I was reading John O’Donoghue’s Anam Cara: spiritual wisdom from the celtic world’. John wrote with such wisdom and lyricism. He speaks of our regrets and difficult memories as inner wounds. He says we need to approach them with great tenderness. Sometimes we are to acknowledge them, and let them be. Other times, we are to have compassion and examine them. On page 225, he writes ‘when you forgive yourself, your inner wounds begin to heal. You come in out of the exile of hurt into the inner joy of belonging. The art of integration is very precious…’

When we experience heaviness and regrets about the past, we can bring these painful memories to God. Through the holy spirit, we can discern how to deal with them- if it is a hurtful memory, can the injustice be wisely addressed? If we have a sense of shame, can we find forgiveness and healing? Often working with a trusted counsellor or therapist can help us on this journey

Jesus said ‘ the truth will set you free’ John 8:32. We pray that we might know the truth, both uncomfortable and inspiring. May the beautiful and loving moments leave a legacy of love. And may the darker, more difficult memories help us learn and grow, and strengthen us in enabling dignity, respect and compassion in our attitudes and actions, towards others and to ourselves.

Gracious and Eternal God, You alone know the past, present and future, and are present in each. We live in the present, and want to live attentively and fully. We still have hopes and dreams for the future. Lord Jesus Christ, we give thanks for the stories of our lives, the rough and the smooth, the joys and the sorrows. We give thanks for all that is good and wholesome. We ask forgiveness for our mistakes and shortcomings, and the hurt this has caused. We ask for grace to forgive the pain and distress caused to us by others. Holy Spirit, when we get stuck in traumatic and unresolved memories, heal us and set us free, and may we find the right people to help us in this spiritual journey. Enable us to find peace and integration, so we can live each day in gratitude and love. In Jesus’ name, Amen

Putting up the Christmas tree – special memories!

This is a photo from about 14 years ago. The memories are lovely, because everyone loved putting up the Christmas tree- as you can see! We put on Christmas music, found the decorations in the loft, brought everything downstairs and started. Many decorations were made by Andrew, or chosen on a special occasion. There was tinsel everywhere, and the result wasn’t always the neatest. As a family it was a fun activity to do together, with food and drink and even some dancing!

I so miss this. Today we bring the box down from the loft, and wonder who has time to untangle the lights, or get new ones. It has become a bit of a chore. There are so many fewer presents, as people are no longer here. It feels as if it has lost its sparkle.

If we have a Christmas with family all around, it is good to give thanks, and to enjoy all the people interactions, all the bustle and noise. If there are small children involved, then appreciate their wonder and even their tantrums!

Quieter Christmases are just different. There is more space to read, and walk and enjoy music. The Christmas tree eventually goes up, although there is a hint of sadness in its branches.

I remember the verse ‘ Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:18

There is something about giving thanks when it is busy, there are toys, and visits and laughter and chaos. Yet also giving thanks when Christmas involves fewer people, and less variety and voices. The challenge is to create new rituals and traditions, to form new communities and to find peace.

Gracious God, before Your face, generations rise and pass away. Thankyou for Christmas, and all the ways that we celebrate the coming of Jesus Christ into this world, the Babe of Bethlehem. We give thanks for the wonder and joy of children, and that they bring this dimension into the day. And we give thanks even when the place settings are empty, and a number of years have gone by. We remember with deep thanksgiving, and we treasure what we have. Holy spirit touch the lives of all for whom this Christmas is tough, and the loss of a loved one so raw. May we all find comfort, and in time courage to create new traditions, for the sake of our Saviour Jesus Christ, Amen.

Healing memories.

Am so grateful for the glorious weather, and the chance to travel early this morning to Fintry Bay in Millport. It was so very peaceful.

As a result of all the restrictions I haven’t been across for over 6 months. Even just getting on the ferry was emotional, the excitement of being on the island after all this time.

Colin’s ashes are scattered on the island, so it was a special pilgrimage to go back. And I remembered many events from the past, some difficult, and some connected to the island hospital, which were a bit mixed! Everyone was lovely, and I was so grateful for their care for Colin.

However the beautiful and healing thing, was that everytime I turned a corner on the island, good memories came flooding back- Andrew making sand castles on the beach when he was small, all of us playing football on the grass, Colin cheating wildly at crazy golf, walking the dog, getting soaked in torrential rain, having lovely meals together, and just watching the sea in all its majesty, ever changing colours and moods.

Of course, we went cycling as well. Colin had poor balance, but once in the early days, he managed a wee cycle, and the pride on his face that he could cycle faster than his young son! We have a lovely photo of that moment- it was much cherished, because he was so pleased to be able to do something with his son. So often his disability made that difficult. To be able to do this just once, was a treasured memory.

Being on the island today was poignant. At the beginning of the day it was misty, and I couldn’t see the hills of Arran. However the mist started to lift as the morning warmed up, and then ‘the sleeping warrior’ emerged in all its splendour, and things felt peaceful. Colin is at peace.

I am so grateful for memories that remind us of family, friends and pets on the island! Much fun, some adventures even. We were all able to go a couple of trips on the paddle steamer ‘the Waverley’ and Colin loved this, though I was always worried he would fall off the gang plank! He never did. And so I have a deep sense of thanksgiving for all the joy even in uneven times.

Creator God, thankyou for the gorgeous nature of your creation, the ever changing azure colours, the salt smell of the sea, the call of the seagull. It so tells of your glory. Thankyou Lord Jesus for the opportunity to remember, and to notice particularly the fun and the beauty, and to find healing and peace. Holy spirit for all who mourn and still struggle, please lead them to memories that can bring assurance and even smiles, and places that bring peace, Amen.