A theology of photos?

I have been looking through photographs recently. I take a very large number of photos. I guess I am afraid that I will forget something significant, so I keep clicking! I learned from a photographer, that it is often by taking large numbers of photos, you get one that really resonates. My only problem is when I forget to delete the rest!

I am not particularly good at taking photos, and I just use my phone. However, I love remembering a lovely evening with family or friends, or an inspiring landscape, just after a storm, or the first rays of light over the horizon in the morning.

I am making up some photo books, and I love selecting photos connecting me with memories of people, travel and moments of transcendence. It might be photos of a children’s party, a church celebration, a butterfly that alights beside my chair. These photos elicit a deep feeling of thanksgiving and the richness of life.

John O Donoghue wrote; ‘ the wonder of beauty is it’s ability to surprise us. With swift sheer grace, it is like a divine breath that blows the heart open’. Quiet miracles can be captured in photographs giving us an eternal reminder of a divine encounter or revelation, that consoles and inspires every time we look at it. That can be the wonder of photography which truly blows the heart open.

One of the challenges is what we do with the darker photos- and I don’t mean the ones where we have forgotten to use the flash! I mean the photos that reminds you of when communication broke down, or the person was sick, or the mood was sombre. What do we do with these remembrances?

After much internal debate, I have kept many of these photos, and sometimes integrated them into bigger collections, for they also represent part of life. They speak of the shadow side of life which is equally real. We might not want to dwell on them too much, but it is part of our appreciation of what is loving and inspirational, that we also acknowledge the poignant and the sorrowful. A knowledge of the darker side of our lives gives a deeper appreciation of what is uplifting or joyful.

The verse from psalm 29:2 says ‘ worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness’. Noticing the beauty and goodness of God in photographic form, whether it is in the sparrow hopping about under a hedgerow, or a sacred time with a friend, or the companionship of your dog, is a great blessing. And photographs remind you of these blessings, and can bring much joy and consolation, for which we give thanks.

Gracious God, You give us such rich experiences in life, glimpses of Your love and goodness revealed in this earthly life. We are so grateful for memories- poignant and joyful, and all the intertwined connections. Lord Jesus we give thanks for the gift of photography, which can reinforce gaps in our fallible memories, and speak to our hearts. Holy Spirit, when we are ready, enable us to take time to look through old photos, and to give thanks. We pray for healing of old wounds, and ask for a deeper appreciation for the richness of our lives. Though the gift of photography, may our reverence for You be strenggthened, and may we remember and give thanks, in Jesus’ name, Amen

My laptop’s memory is full!

I have had some technical difficulties in recent weeks. I dropped my laptop on the floor, and the hinge is damaged. And I have received lots of warning notices, that the memory is full, and so now none of the updates are happening, and it is refusing to save my documents.

After consultation, I have had to buy a new laptop. To fix the hinge was going to be expensive, and I had had the laptop for many years. I couldn’t work out why the memory was so full- I defragmented it often, and i thought i was taking care of it. On investigation, it turned out it was photos from my old windows phones that were taking up all the space. I need to go through them, and let go some of these photos.

The whole exercise has left me with questions about the past and present and future, and how they all relate. Photos can remind us of past events and people and so are to be cherished. They capture moments in time, that are so precious. Yet they can also remind us of darker times and experiences. What do we keep? We keep the amazing photos, with happy associations. But the others- do we keep them because they remind us of the truth, or let them go because they are too painful?

In Psalm 90 verse 12, the psalmist says ‘Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom’. Our lives are fleeting, we want to live life to the full. How do we gain wisdom? Our past is something we learn from, and this learning can guide our steps in the future. Yet if we dwell on it too much, it can also imprison us and pull us down. How do we find a balance, so we can remember and learn, but in such a way that the past doesn’t determine our future.

My first practical step is to go through my photos, and edit that number down considerably! But I also need to prayerfully ask God to help me give thanks for all my memories, and to ask for healing for the darker recollections. I want to learn, then to let go, to make space for new experiences and direction. May we not get stuck, but find the freedom we seek now and in the future.

Gracious God, You want to bring us to a spacious place of light, but we so easily clog things up with memories that unsettle and disturb. Lord Jesus, You love us, and you know every detail of our lives, every event, every person met. Please help us to give thanks for all that is edifying, and to prayerfully reflect on, and release to you difficult moments and experiences from the past. Through the power of your holy spirit, cleanse and heal. Lift the heaviness from us, teach us to forgive and be forgiven, so we can dance once more in freedom and in joy. Show us what to do, and how to live well in the present, and to build for the future, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Healing of identity!

I had a birthday this week, a lockdown birthday, which I guess has become quite distinctive. They are characterised by not being able to meet all the people you would like to, and a sense of poignancy as a result. We are all grateful to be alive, and we know keeping the rules keep people safe, so that is a small sacrifice to make. But it still feels very different.

I have been very blessed however, because there are so many ways of keeping in touch with people. And this year, it has been wonderful to be in contact in different ways with people. And actually co writing ‘Love song for a wounded warrior ‘ has been part of that process, because I have been able to reconnect with lovely people I had lost touch with, or not spoken to properly for years. It has been healing to explore shared memories of different adventures that we experienced in the past.

And so, one of the things that seems to be happening in my soul, is a healing of identity. It has been healing to connect with people, and hear their stories. It has also been amazing to remember parts of my life that were at the circumference of my memory, and to bring them back into the middle.

And this has been so significant because I think when I was a carer, I completely lost sight of who I was. Just dealing with the day to day stresses and medical needs of Colin, working full time, and being a mum, meant that I didn’t gave much space to exist, to make a decision, to know that I had choices. I wonder how many other carers are like this, where your identity gets completey eroded in caring for someone else. I am not complaining, that was what seemed best, to fulfil all the roles I had, to love unconditionally. However now I look back, I recognise that part of myself died. Now I am beginning to realise that I need to ask God to bring possibilities of renewal and resurrection.

Knowing who you are, is a profound question. It changes and evolves over time. I love the Ignation concept of becoming your best self is to be fully alive, the one that God has fashioned us to be. The quest is how to rediscover this, to ask God to put the fragments back together in some form of wholeness.

Many verses remind us of our identity with God, ‘ you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus’ Galatians 3:26. We are beloved children of God, which is breath taking. A song by Jason Gray ‘Remind me who I am’ https://youtu.be/QSIVjjY8Ou8 also speaks of the rediscovery of identity, of love and purpose. It is an important quest for each of us, especially if we might have lost our way through the pressures of life.

Let us pray, Gracious God, sometimes our lives seem full of jagged pieces, bits of a mosaic but with no discernible pattern. We repress painful memories, we get overwhelmed by trauma and weariness, and we feel lost and broken. In the messiness, You come to us Lord Jesus, to forgive, to hold and heal, and to remind us who we are. We thank You that we can trust You. Please bless all those who care for others, may they be supported by kindness and support and respite. Holy spirit, recreate our identity, as Your precious children, and give us courage to explore our freedom our gifts, our path forward, in Jesus’ name, Amen.