Tag: personal growth

Lent- the aftermath of struggle

A moment of insight

The image of Jesus in the desert, being tempted to take shortcuts, to be influenced by human pride and show, and struggling for his God -given identity is powerful. And then towards the end of the time, satan leaves him, and he is ministered to by angels.

Lent this year, for myself, and maybe for many, has been particularly intense. We are buffeted by temptation, sorrow, grief, despair and at times we can feel that it will all never work out. The aftermath of three years of covid, years of sorrow, isolation and fear have left their mark, and leave us less well equipped to cope with the trials of daily life.

I remember the verse in Luke chapter 19: 41 and 42 ‘ but as Jesus came closer to Jerusalem, and saw the city ahead, he began to weep. How I wish today that you of all people would understand the way to peace.’ NLT.

Jesus wept over a people in denial, who didn’t recognise who he was, or the veracity of his teaching. He saw the consequences and the suffering. Today, the national church is going though an extraordinary and agonising time of change. We question is how do we stay attentive to the promptings of the Holy spirit, to listen for the ways of God, rather than the ways of humanity. We need to keep our eyes fixed on our beautiful Saviour.

For me this desert time, has been a time of struggle, tears on my pillow, deep sorrow and questions. I have learned new things about myself which have made me weep. I have also pleaded with God to take my broken pieces  and to remake me in Christ’s image, to help me grow closer to Him, and to strengthen me in my inner being. In the aftermath, I have much to reflect on, but I haven’t given up hope, for God is still good, and angels are here in this place, even amidst the exhaustion and the grief.

Gracious God, thankyou for the example of our Lord Jesus, who set his face to Jerusalem, who retained his godly identity in the midst of temptation and trial. Lord Jesus, we are as small children, trying to discover our identity, seeking wisdom in our choices every day, to draw closer to You. Forgive us when we have acted out of pride or naivety or judgement. In desert times, we cry to You for help, but in the aftermath, may we be reflective and discerning, to learn, and to ask your holy spirit to heal us, to pick us up, and to ask for the gifts that will transform us, and recentre us in your loving purpose. May the presence of angels bring hope once more, as we continue on your path, Amen.

Actively involved in the healing process!

Participating is hard work!

I am so grateful that healing is such a strong theme in the bible. Whether it is the healing of Hezekiah in 2 Kings 20, or Jesus’s amazing healing ministry depicted in the gospels, God loves to heal in body, mind and soul.

I fully recognise the complexity of this topic, as sometimes we pray for people and they don’t seem to get better. We don’t know why some prayers don’t seem to be answered. Maybe sometimes the damage is too great, or the process to get better just too arduous for a human being to bear. We just don’t know, and it is distressing and exhausting trying to work it out.

I have been reading a lot recently about healing from trauma, and about finding ways of feeling safe and becoming more whole again. And I am always surprised at how much hard work it is. Working with topics like low self esteem, childhood or adult trauma, anger management etc seems so tough. For example, if for whatever reason, you don’t like some one shouting at you. You learn this insight, and what experience caused you to think like this, and to respond like this. Investigation complete, so you think.

However this is actually just the start. For identifying the trauma, then starts you on a path of what you do to cope, what your protective mechanism is, eg to avoid angry people, to withdraw etc. And often the coping mechanism then becomes part of the problem, because it forms an unhealthy pattern of behaviour, a bad habit. So then if there is a loud voice or angry behaviour, you recognise the impact it is having on you, and you then learn to choose to respond differently. You choose to stay in the room, take a deep breath, and give a boundaried answer.

That sounds great in theory, but putting it into practice is exhausting. And putting this into practice with multiple different traumas, makes it complicated and wearisome. It is one step forward and two back.

I am so blessed to have the resources to think this through, and to seek healing. God is so faithful, He never lets us down, and always provides a safe place to ask difficult questions, and to ask for strength to change. The Holy spirit challenges us, and brings insight, strength to change, and much healing. However we also need to intentionally participate, to face up to difficult memories, and to be open to change. May we all find continued motivation and perseverance to continue on this path.

The verse from Isaiah 64:8 comes to mind: ‘O Lord, you are our Father:we are the clay, and you are our Potter, we are all the work of Your hand.’                                             We all need to be fashioned, to be willing to change, for the clay to be soft and malleable in the hand of the potter, for something beautiful to be created.

Gracious Creator God, You see the brokenness in our world, the distorted thoughts, the shattered self image, our doubts and fears, our negative ways of thinking. Heal us we pray, in Jesus’ name. And even when it is wearisome, repetitive work, where we need to pause, and choose to respond differently, give us courage. May your holy spirit help us let go of destructive and negative ways of thinking, so we can live in freedom, and find the deep and lasting wholeness we seek, in Jesus’ name, Amen.