Illness and insight!

Post pandemic, we are grateful for vaccinations and medication that usually make having covid a milder experience. For many it has just become like the flu. However, you still don’t want to give it to others if you can avoid it.

I had covid again last week. It wasn’t nice, but it wasn’t life threatening. It was just a time to rest, medicate, to be covered in blankets and have hot drinks. It passed, for which I am thankful.

I think God often gets my attention through illness. It is His way of slowing me down, and getting me to reflect. Being unable to get about, makes me experience life differently.

Often when we are rushing about- we get stuck in the same familiar patterns and routines. We cannot imagine anything different. However having to stop, makes us evaluate things- why do i do this that way? Why does this activity take so much of my life? Is this important at all?

One of my hopes this year, is to live more mindfully. I was reading the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, and when the author was very unwell after an accident, he had to build up his habits from scratch, and he started with go to bed early, and tidy your room.

After you have started, you build up your other priorities, for me- prayer, healthy exercise, eating food that is good for you, connecting with others. Everyone will have their own list. When we look at our days, we often spend time on rubbish tv, social media scrolling, trying to find lost items, overthinking, worrying etc. The list of negatives can go on.

One of my challenges for the year ahead is to slow down and live more mindfully. I want to appreciate what I have, and live a bit more intentionally, for my life to be more purposeful. I remember a quotatuon from Rick Warren in the Purpose Driven life ‘ Jesus modelled a very simple life. You dont see him collecting things. He spent his time and energy on relationships, as he knew they were more important than all the stuff in this world.’

Jesus said ‘ Love the lord your God, with all of your heart, with all of your soul, with all of your strength, and all of your mind’ and also that we should ‘love your neighbour as yourself’ Matthew 22: 26-30. Maybe if we just focussed on this, it is all that is needed.

Eternal God, we try to do so much in life, to fit so many things in, sometimes we forget what is important. We are so busy, at times You have to slow us down, so we are more able to listen Forgive us Lord Jesus. Help us to simplify our life and our habits, to let go of what is outdated or superfluous or a distraction, and to focus on what is essential- to live in your beautiful, pure and healing love, and then to share this with others. Holy spirit, speak to us in our individual situations, and bring us your Word of life and hope, so we can be more fully yours, and be more intentional in our living. May we live in profound simplicity and with deep love every day, purposefully pointing others to You, Amen.

Lent- the aftermath of struggle

The image of Jesus in the desert, being tempted to take shortcuts, to be influenced by human pride and show, and struggling for his God -given identity is powerful. And then towards the end of the time, satan leaves him, and he is ministered to by angels.

Lent this year, for myself, and maybe for many, has been particularly intense. We are buffeted by temptation, sorrow, grief, despair and at times we can feel that it will all never work out. The aftermath of three years of covid, years of sorrow, isolation and fear have left their mark, and leave us less well equipped to cope with the trials of daily life.

I remember the verse in Luke chapter 19: 41 and 42 ‘ but as Jesus came closer to Jerusalem, and saw the city ahead, he began to weep. How I wish today that you of all people would understand the way to peace.’ NLT.

Jesus wept over a people in denial, who didn’t recognise who he was, or the veracity of his teaching. He saw the consequences and the suffering. Today, the national church is going though an extraordinary and agonising time of change. We question is how do we stay attentive to the promptings of the Holy spirit, to listen for the ways of God, rather than the ways of humanity. We need to keep our eyes fixed on our beautiful Saviour.

For me this desert time, has been a time of struggle, tears on my pillow, deep sorrow and questions. I have learned new things about myself which have made me weep. I have also pleaded with God to take my broken pieces and to remake me in Christ’s image, to help me grow closer to Him, and to strengthen me in my inner being. In the aftermath, I have much to reflect on, but I haven’t given up hope, for God is still good, and angels are here in this place, even amidst the exhaustion and the grief.

Gracious God, thankyou for the example of our Lord Jesus, who set his face to Jerusalem, who retained his godly identity in the midst of temptation and trial. Lord Jesus, we are as small children, trying to discover our identity, seeking wisdom in our choices every day, to draw closer to You. Forgive us when we have acted out of pride or naivety or judgement. In desert times, we cry to You for help, but in the aftermath, may we be reflective and discerning, to learn, and to ask your holy spirit to heal us, to pick us up, and to ask for the gifts that will transform us, and recentre us in your loving purpose. May the presence of angels bring hope once more, as we continue on your path, Amen.

Honouring a legacy?

This week, one of our very long standing church members died, and had a funeral that celebrated her long and incredibly full life. It was very moving, to reflect on all that she did, and she was described as a pioneer of her time. One of our challenges as a church, is how we live up to her legacy.

This started me thinking about what we leave behind us. None of us knows the number of our days, so how do we make them count?

I found a quotation from the 4th century Greek statesman Pericles:

‘what you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the life of others.’

I started writing because I wanted to honour my late husband’s life. Somehow, telling his story, helps us as a family, to find meaning in what has taken place, and to honour his legacy.

Part of this is shaped by a desire to raise the profile of the need for more effective care for veterans. The damaging nature of the long term emotional, spiritual and physical injuries after serving in armed conflucts, cannot be over estimated. And the impact on relationships and families can be immensely destructive.

It also feels important to raise awareness of the need for more research into epilepsy, and the exploration of possible new treatments. If some one’s seizures are well controlled by medication that is great, but if their epilepsy is intractable, life is challenging.

To honour Colin’s legacy, in the midst of these two strands, I also want to give thanks for people who have supported and prayed with us. God gave us kind people around us, guided our path, and sustained us on the darkest days, granting us all we needed.

And so Colin’s legacy is that even in the midst of trauma and disability, we are not to give up, that God gives us strength each day, leads us to helpful people, enables us to laugh, helps us find an internal resilience that we did not know we had. Every day of life is precious. God gives our lives a quality of love and grace that is life changing.

At times, I question writing about all this, because it makes you so vulnerable. But this feel like our purpose to try to encourage others,, and the best way I can honour Colin, so I pray for strength to do so, especially in these days leading up to Remembrance.

In Ephesians chapter 5, verse 2 it says: ‘ live a life of love, love others as Christ loved us’ The legacy of Christ, is indeed love, and so sharing that love, truth and grace with others, is our greatest calling, let us pray.

Gracious God, forgive us that we often don’t think what our spiritual legacy is to the next generation. Lord Jesus, may we be inspired by generations of Christian people, who have faithfully and creatively followed you. May our life’s purpose be to honour the legacy of all who have gone before, and may your holy spirit guide us as to what to do, as we seek to pass on your life changing and transformative love and truth to others, Amen.