Tag: sad anniversaries

Anniversaries- empty rooms and heart!

Too much space!

Bereavement is not just about emotions, although that is core. You go through a relentless rollercoaster, coping with shock, sadness, anger, thanksgiving, questioning, remembering, reflecting, and then doing them all again. But there are also practical things to do, such as clearing a house, which is such an enormous task.

Today is a first anniversary, and it feels so heavy. A mixture of memories and practical things to do. And I have been working on finishing clearing the house, which has been a privilege. I have found childhood toys I had long forgotten about- triggering so many memories. And there have been old photos, letters, things of sentimental value buried at the back of drawers. You feel a bit like a detective!

Seeing rooms gradually emptying is a painful necessity. You forget how physically demanding it is, and resting, regrouping and asking a friend to help can be key. You know the work needs to be done, but emptying the room is like losing the person all over again. I always take lots of photos before I start, so I remember. Letting go of personal effects, of clothes, of furniture is excruciating, as there are so many memories attached to each one. I have taken some items back to my house, but I try not to take too many- there are too many boxes in the hall already!

I guess in life, we need to let go, to make space not just for the future but to live in the present. Clothes and furniture can bless others, houses need to be lived in by new families making new memories, and that is a comfort. Life goes on.

In Ecclesiastes chapter 3 it says that – ‘There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun’. Later in  Ecclesiastes 3 it also says that God has made everything beautiful in its time. The secret I think is to trust him, to lament in our sorrow, and then in time to embrace what is new. May God give us grace to honour past memories and relationships, and as we cherish them, also to find courage to find our new path.

Eternal God, it is hard to say goodbye, as we let go of possessions and places of which we have special memories. They embody people we have loved, and their loss accentuates the pain. Yet Lord Jesus, we cannot keep the world the same. You call us to come and follow, at times to shake the dust from our feet, and prepare for new adventures. May we treasure every moment, for life is fleeting. Holy Spirit, remind us that every day is a privilege, every moment can be beautiful, an opportunity to live, love and to bless. May we find courage to go forward  even when our hearts are still heavy, in Jesus name Amen.

Painting and dancing!

Free style painting!

Today has been a lovely, dry, spring day, and I decided to paint a wall in the garden. That sounds quite normal, but I had my music on as well, and was listening to the Christian band Hawk Nelson- songs like Diamonds, Parachute and Never let you down. They are such great songs of faith, I couldn’t help but dance. I think I had too much paint on my roller, and I ended up a bit painty,  as did the grass, the bush and one or two other things. I think it was quite creative, but rather messy.

Next month will be the third anniversary of my husband’s  death, and it occurs to me that I still feel guilty for dancing to a song. Some one said it was ‘survivor’s guilt’ that you feel it is not fair to enjoy music when your loved one can’t. It is a way of thinking that is hard to let go.

The grieving process is so lengthy and so complex. You think you are coping with one thing, and then something else starts bothering you, or worse still, something from the past you thought you had worked through, comes back in a new form. It can be so disheartening and exhausting.

Every day, we have to choose once again how to live. We are often sad, or struggling with difficult memories. Yet I believe that part of the healing process, is how to learn to be thankful to God all over again for each day of life. And sometimes that means laughing hysterically, or being still for a long time, or dancing when you are painting! God wants to set us free from grief and sorrow, even just for a few moments. Whatever we are going through, may we all know these moments in life.

We remember God’s promise in Isaiah 61:3

‘ to all who mourn in Zion, God will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.’

Let us pray, there are so many reasons we may feel sorrowful- illness, the strain of the pandemic, the death of a loved one, and it can feel that the weight of heaviness and darkness will always hang over us. Lord Jesus, You remind us that from the pain and suffering of the cross, came forgiveness and new beginnings. Holy spirit bring healing to us, so that in moments, we might have hope and so we can still dance for joy in your presence, Amen.