Tag: supporting veterans

Tears in the lift!

Invictus Games at Vancouver and Whistler.

I was staying in a hotel in Vancouver last week, and there started to appear a number of people with fluorescent yellow jackets. Emblazoned across the front of these jackets, it said Invictus. I started talking to one of the girls in the lobby, and she was a helper with the Invictus games that were just about to be held. As the days went on, I realised that the hotel was one of the sites where a number of international  teams were living. I met them in the gym, the lobby and the lift. Many of them were in wheelchairs or had prosthetic limbs.

I am just learning about the Invictus games. They are international, this year with 23  countries represented. They were started in 2014 by Prince Harry and others, as a way of supporting wounded, injured or sick  military personnel and veterans, through sports activities to promote recovery.

I was in the lift, when a veteran came in from a country I had a particular sympathy with. I manage to splurge out a few haphazard words, which did not ask for a reply. I just looked at his eyes just for a moment, and his eyes held such unimaginable pain and darkness, that I started to cry. He looked away, and I didn’t want to make it worse, so I didn’t say anything else. Eventually after that felt like an eternity, the lift doors opened and he left.

I haven’t been able to get him out of my head. The silent anguish in his eyes pierced my soul. He just looked as if he had been through so much. I know some veterans make good progress, and heal from their physical and emotional wounds, and i am thankful for that. But I am also aware of the number who really struggle, and who wonder if they will ever heal from the pain, the traumatic memories and the nightmares.

I am not a pacifist- I realise that there can be times when physical conflict can be the lesser of two evils. However there are so many questions about how we as a society treat those who fight for their country, to defend others or maintain the peace. How do we prepare people for conflict? How do we support their families? And how do we support those who come back feeling broken and betrayed because of what they had seen and done, who are questioning and have lost any sense of self. The ptsd symptoms and moral injury can be deeply disturbing and long lasting. We are still learning how to support those who struggle, with the therapeutic resources and physical and pastoral needed for veterans and their families.

These tears in the lift were significant because God used them to remind me of the pain and anguish of those who have served, and the horrendous scars, visible and invisible of our vetean community. It can leave us feeling helpless and ashamed at how little we can do.

And yet, confronted with the darkness of human violence and brutality, we start by noticing, and making space to ask difficult questions. When we don’t know ehat to do, we pray and ask God to show us how to proceed. I love Karl Barth’s quotation ‘ to clasp the hands in prayer is the beginning of an uprising against the disorder of the  world’.

Noticing the pain of the human condition, however uncomfortable, motivates me to look to God for answers. We persevere in prayer. We see if there are opportunities to act, to support that neighbour who is a veteran, or that person at work, or the person in the homeless shelter. Sometimes we have the capacity to engage personally, to listen attentively and compassionately. At other times we support from a distance, by supporting a veterans charity financially or as a volunteer.

When faced with a suffering soul, I don’t believe that we should pretend not to have seen. As a society, I believe that we have a moral imperative to support our veteran community in effective and compassionate ways, open to learning from what they feel is most effective. May God show us how to do this.

Lord Jesus, You wept over the suffering of Jerusalem. You foresaw the destruction and carnage there, and you wanted to gather the people into a safe place, like a hen gathering her chicks under her wings but they would not have it. Eternal Father, how You must lament over our human sin and rebellion- where humanity chooses to slaughter each other over a piece of land or money or political advantage. People in power often seem to start such conflict casually, and those who serve, those whose homes are bombed and become refugees are seen as an inconvenience. Holy Spirit, help us follow the ways of our God, the teachings of Jesus. Especially this day, we ask for your blessing on gatherings like the Invictus games, and we pray that there would be an abundance of courage, connection and healing that is miraculous. May the devastating consequences of conflict inspire us to be peace makers wherever possible, and to treat with special tenderness those whose eyes are dull with raw pain and sadness. In Jesus’ healing and powerful name, Amen.

Remembering and then taking action………

Sign of Remembrance in central station…

Today is Remembrance Sunday, the day we hold a two minute silence to remember those who gave their lives in conflict, and those who served and their loved ones. It used to be we remembered the stories of veterans of the first and second world wars, but it is also those who served in Northern Ireland, in Iraq, in Afghanistan and so many other war zones. So many people have stories to tell. The battle is not just in active service, but when service men and women come back to civilian life, if they are that fortunate. How do you make that transition, when you have been right how to kill and maim as a living?

Sometimes on Remembrance Sunday we seem guilty of relying on stereotypes in our desciptions- of people who lay down their lives for their friends. It is noble and selfless. This is of course the most sacrificial thing anyone can do. But do we remember the moral complexities of war, the anguish of seeing civilian casualties, the trauma of being in hand to hand conflict?  The stories of all these conflicts, each have patterns and nuances all of their own, and no stereotypes capture the stories of individual veterans and their families. The cost of war can only be told by them. Hearing one story, and then multiplying it by millions gives a small insight into the cost of war.

Today we are called to remember- to hear these stories and allow their message to speak to our souls. But surely this should not just be for one weekend a year. Veterans and their families need recognition and support all year round. Too many end up in situations of relationship breakdown, alienation from their loved ones, unable to hold down a job, struggling with addiction and homeless on our streets. I worry that we pay lip service on Remembrance Sunday, and then move on to other things. For the veteran, they can be left struggling with traumatic memories and broken lives.

So I think Remembrance Sunday calls us not just to remember but to act. It could be we act by listening to the story of some one who is struggling, giving money to a veterans charity, or talking to that veteran who lives along the street, who seems a bit isolated. People with multiple trauma and memories of war are often looking for understanding, and the hope that one day their lives could get better. Will we show solidarity with them?  If we do not act, then Remembrance seems a bit hollow- a platitude or a cliche that lacks application or conviction.

I speak to myself also. My late husband was wounded in active service, and these wounds and disability marred all subsequent days of his life. Trying to access the right support for him in his particular situation was almost impossible. And he had to live with that. He was proud to have served, but on the days when nightmares were dark and unrelenting and his disability was especially debilitating, he felt frustrated, angry and forgotten. How do we reassure people that their stories are not forgotten?

For me, this is the hardest weekend of the year. What are we called to do to support our veterans community in a meaningful way? How can we act effectively and wisely to support those most in need? I have more questions than answers.

Jesus lay down his life for his friends – in 1 John 3:16 it says ‘ This is how we know what love is- Jesus Christ lay down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.’ The love of God is so wide and high and deep- it has no  end. We ask God to pour out that love into our lives, so we can then love others in a generous and meaningful way. Will we consider that calling whatever it might take us?

Eternal God- You created this world to be a harmonious whole, where we live in love and dignity, giving glory back to You. But we rebelled against You, forgetting Your teaching and following our own selfish desires. The human desire for money and power and status brings exploitation, destruction and human misery. Lord Jesus Christ, please forgive us, cleanse us and teach us how to love. Today we remember serving military personnel, veterans and their families, and pray for a listening ear, understanding and the right resources to help them find deep and lasting peace. Holy Spirit forgive us for our clichés and empty words. May we find a way of honouring our veterans in meaningful and  loving ways, so they know they are not forgotten, and can find solace for their souls. In Jesus name, Amen.