A theology of photos?

I have been looking through photographs recently. I take a very large number of photos. I guess I am afraid that I will forget something significant, so I keep clicking! I learned from a photographer, that it is often by taking large numbers of photos, you get one that really resonates. My only problem is when I forget to delete the rest!

I am not particularly good at taking photos, and I just use my phone. However, I love remembering a lovely evening with family or friends, or an inspiring landscape, just after a storm, or the first rays of light over the horizon in the morning.

I am making up some photo books, and I love selecting photos connecting me with memories of people, travel and moments of transcendence. It might be photos of a children’s party, a church celebration, a butterfly that alights beside my chair. These photos elicit a deep feeling of thanksgiving and the richness of life.

John O Donoghue wrote; ‘ the wonder of beauty is it’s ability to surprise us. With swift sheer grace, it is like a divine breath that blows the heart open’. Quiet miracles can be captured in photographs giving us an eternal reminder of a divine encounter or revelation, that consoles and inspires every time we look at it. That can be the wonder of photography which truly blows the heart open.

One of the challenges is what we do with the darker photos- and I don’t mean the ones where we have forgotten to use the flash! I mean the photos that reminds you of when communication broke down, or the person was sick, or the mood was sombre. What do we do with these remembrances?

After much internal debate, I have kept many of these photos, and sometimes integrated them into bigger collections, for they also represent part of life. They speak of the shadow side of life which is equally real. We might not want to dwell on them too much, but it is part of our appreciation of what is loving and inspirational, that we also acknowledge the poignant and the sorrowful. A knowledge of the darker side of our lives gives a deeper appreciation of what is uplifting or joyful.

The verse from psalm 29:2 says ‘ worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness’. Noticing the beauty and goodness of God in photographic form, whether it is in the sparrow hopping about under a hedgerow, or a sacred time with a friend, or the companionship of your dog, is a great blessing. And photographs remind you of these blessings, and can bring much joy and consolation, for which we give thanks.

Gracious God, You give us such rich experiences in life, glimpses of Your love and goodness revealed in this earthly life. We are so grateful for memories- poignant and joyful, and all the intertwined connections. Lord Jesus we give thanks for the gift of photography, which can reinforce gaps in our fallible memories, and speak to our hearts. Holy Spirit, when we are ready, enable us to take time to look through old photos, and to give thanks. We pray for healing of old wounds, and ask for a deeper appreciation for the richness of our lives. Though the gift of photography, may our reverence for You be strenggthened, and may we remember and give thanks, in Jesus’ name, Amen

My laptop’s memory is full!

I have had some technical difficulties in recent weeks. I dropped my laptop on the floor, and the hinge is damaged. And I have received lots of warning notices, that the memory is full, and so now none of the updates are happening, and it is refusing to save my documents.

After consultation, I have had to buy a new laptop. To fix the hinge was going to be expensive, and I had had the laptop for many years. I couldn’t work out why the memory was so full- I defragmented it often, and i thought i was taking care of it. On investigation, it turned out it was photos from my old windows phones that were taking up all the space. I need to go through them, and let go some of these photos.

The whole exercise has left me with questions about the past and present and future, and how they all relate. Photos can remind us of past events and people and so are to be cherished. They capture moments in time, that are so precious. Yet they can also remind us of darker times and experiences. What do we keep? We keep the amazing photos, with happy associations. But the others- do we keep them because they remind us of the truth, or let them go because they are too painful?

In Psalm 90 verse 12, the psalmist says ‘Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom’. Our lives are fleeting, we want to live life to the full. How do we gain wisdom? Our past is something we learn from, and this learning can guide our steps in the future. Yet if we dwell on it too much, it can also imprison us and pull us down. How do we find a balance, so we can remember and learn, but in such a way that the past doesn’t determine our future.

My first practical step is to go through my photos, and edit that number down considerably! But I also need to prayerfully ask God to help me give thanks for all my memories, and to ask for healing for the darker recollections. I want to learn, then to let go, to make space for new experiences and direction. May we not get stuck, but find the freedom we seek now and in the future.

Gracious God, You want to bring us to a spacious place of light, but we so easily clog things up with memories that unsettle and disturb. Lord Jesus, You love us, and you know every detail of our lives, every event, every person met. Please help us to give thanks for all that is edifying, and to prayerfully reflect on, and release to you difficult moments and experiences from the past. Through the power of your holy spirit, cleanse and heal. Lift the heaviness from us, teach us to forgive and be forgiven, so we can dance once more in freedom and in joy. Show us what to do, and how to live well in the present, and to build for the future, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Mandisa- an appreciation.

The death of Mandisa, age 47, just last week, is so tragic. She was such an inspirational and beautiful Christian woman. She was known for being on American Idol, for her Grammy award winning music, and her courage in singing about her faith with such honesty and courage.

I discovered her music during lockdown, and there was a song for every occasion. Her song ‘Overcomer’ is so powerful, that even in the worst times, there can be hope, and to keep fighting. In the darkest days, remembering that in Christ we can be overcomers, helps us keep going.

Another song that really spoke to me was ‘We all bleed the same’. It is a fantastic song pleading against injustice and hatred, and reminding us that whatever our divisions, we all hurt in the same way, and calling us to fight for love. It is worth the whole world listening to this every day!

And then there is ‘ What scars are for’- reminding us that even our scars can be used by God, and our stories can bring healing. Mandisa was honest about her struggles and her vulnerability, and this encouraged so many.

These are just a few of her songs- others such as Just cry, Comeback Kid, Keep Getting up, speak to our souls, helping us to get up out of despair and heartbreak, and to find strength in our faith. Mandisa inspired so many with her strength and perseverance and hope, expressed through her musicality, incredible voice and relatable lyrics. We are so grateful for her life, passion and faith! May she rest in peace.

Gracious God, we are so thankful for all creative people, artists, singers and writers for they way they enrich and bless our lives. You inspire them though Your Holy Spirit, to encourage and strengthen your people. Lord Jesus bless all whose lives so reflect Your light and love, and help us to give thanks and pray for all whom have been called to these important ministries. May we honour their lives, and watch out for one another in sincere and supportive ways. Hear our prayers, Amen.

Reconnecting with purpose

I am thankful for everyone who bought books and gave donations for my book ‘Love songs for healing and hope.’ (available on Amazon, and directly from Handsel press). I wanted just to say that since the book promotion evening in November, the amount raised so far is £400 each for the charities Quiet Waters and Richmond Hope. An additional £100 was raised each for Epilepsy Connections and Community Veterans. Thank you to everyone for their generosity and encouragement.

In the first months of a new year, i feel God calling me onwards. I feel privileged to tell my husband’s story, and to also seek to encourage those who are carers, who are traumatised or grieving. There seems so much sadness in the world, connection and telling our stories in safe places seems more important than ever.

Sometimes we wonder if we can ever make a difference. I am so flawed, and get things wrong so often- it can be so dispiriting. Then I remember the story of the widow in Mark 12:42-4. She gave two mites as her offering- a very small amount, but she gave all she had, and Jesus saw her generous spirit. Sometimes we do what we can, and it seems so very little, but if we prayerfully commit it to God, we pray that somehow He can use it to help others, and for His glory. This story reminds us that every small thing we do has significance and matters.

Our purpose on earth is to live in God’s love, and to share it with all around us. If we can find ways of doing this, opportunities to connect and serve and love, then we need to take them. None of us knows the number of our days- every day is a gift, so may we use our time well, and spread the love of Jesus in every way we can.

Gracious God, we see the heartbreak and suffering in this world, the pain of illness, the rawness of grief. Lord Jesus, in the midst of it all, you bring healing, reconciliation and hope. Call us, use us as your servants to do what we can to share in your ministry, through creativity and prayer, listening and sharing our stories. Holy spirit, help us to bring encouragement, to help just one other person each day, so they know that they are not alone, and that God sees and loves them so much. May we live out your purposes each day, and find peace as we do so, Amen

Places- the power of memory

I had the opportunity to revisit Millport the other day. It was stunningly beautiful, with the majestic snow dusted mountains of Arran in the background. Freezing but incredible.

I was back for very practical purposes, but just being on the island reminds me of 20 years of memories. My late mum had a wee flat there, and she generously let me use this for holidays.

We have so many wonderful memories of Cumbrae, playing crazy golf in the rain, the brilliant sunrises, walks along the beach with the seals in the early morning, and of course cycling round the island, stopping at Fintry Bay for some delicious refreshments. Walks to the top of the hill, seeing all the different types of birds, marvelling at the colours of the sea and movement of the tides are always wondrous.

The beauty of creation is often spoken of in the bible, as in psalm 19 verse 1 ‘ the heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of his hands’. Being on an island, the skies seem so big and glorious! Every season brings different colours in the hedgerows, a variety of birds, temperatures and ambiances. And the memories of a place often seem absorbed in the landscape, and then are like a homing beacon to come home. As soon as you set foot on the land, the memoies flood back. There is an instant familiarity of sight and fragrance and sound that is reassuring, and which catapaults you into the past. I give thanks for places where memory and landscape are so intimately interlaced.

Creator God, You have made the world to be so full of vitality and diversity, and you bless us with opportunities to explore and enjoy. Lord Jesus, you enable us to experience precious memories and connections with others, family and friends, and we are thankful. Holy spirit, help us to notice the gorgeous nature of our surroundings, often the backdrop to our experiences, and to cherish these deep interconnections and affinities. In Jesus name, Amen

Putting up the Christmas tree – special memories!

This is a photo from about 14 years ago. The memories are lovely, because everyone loved putting up the Christmas tree- as you can see! We put on Christmas music, found the decorations in the loft, brought everything downstairs and started. Many decorations were made by Andrew, or chosen on a special occasion. There was tinsel everywhere, and the result wasn’t always the neatest. As a family it was a fun activity to do together, with food and drink and even some dancing!

I so miss this. Today we bring the box down from the loft, and wonder who has time to untangle the lights, or get new ones. It has become a bit of a chore. There are so many fewer presents, as people are no longer here. It feels as if it has lost its sparkle.

If we have a Christmas with family all around, it is good to give thanks, and to enjoy all the people interactions, all the bustle and noise. If there are small children involved, then appreciate their wonder and even their tantrums!

Quieter Christmases are just different. There is more space to read, and walk and enjoy music. The Christmas tree eventually goes up, although there is a hint of sadness in its branches.

I remember the verse ‘ Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.’ 1 Thessalonians 5:18

There is something about giving thanks when it is busy, there are toys, and visits and laughter and chaos. Yet also giving thanks when Christmas involves fewer people, and less variety and voices. The challenge is to create new rituals and traditions, to form new communities and to find peace.

Gracious God, before Your face, generations rise and pass away. Thankyou for Christmas, and all the ways that we celebrate the coming of Jesus Christ into this world, the Babe of Bethlehem. We give thanks for the wonder and joy of children, and that they bring this dimension into the day. And we give thanks even when the place settings are empty, and a number of years have gone by. We remember with deep thanksgiving, and we treasure what we have. Holy spirit touch the lives of all for whom this Christmas is tough, and the loss of a loved one so raw. May we all find comfort, and in time courage to create new traditions, for the sake of our Saviour Jesus Christ, Amen.

Poignant celebrations.

Joy intermingled with sadness round the edges.

I feel so very privileged to celebrate my son’s birthday at the weekend. It was a lovely day, of being able to meet up with some family and friends. After so many days of not being able to meet because of all the covid restrictions, it is so appreciated to see real people again, and to talk and catch up.

The things that is tough though, is all the empty spaces. There are so many people missing for one reason or another, it was a little sad around the edges. It is such a mixed feeling of thanksgiving, but also of a realisation that things have changed, and they are not going to go back to where they were.

When you are grieving, this realisation seems to come back a thousand times. You think you know, that you understand, but then the loss of your loved ones take you unawares yet again. Your heart becomes immersed in old memories, the way it used to be, and for better or worse, it all feels so different and disorientating. The meaning is deeper, but somehow also more remote.

In Matthew chapter 5 verse 4, Jesus said ‘ blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.’

At times however, I don’t think those who mourn feel very blessed, rather just tearful, confused and exhausted! Yet the thing is, when we are at the end of ourselves, then that is when we rely more heavily on God, when we cry to Him for help, every moment of the day, and truly learn to shelter under the shadow of His wing. It takes all our energy just to rest in His love, and pray for healing. And we know that God never forsakes us. God us so patient and so merciful.

For anyone whose heart is sore and hurting, may you know the love of God enfolding you, and His healing grace, and the hope of things one day getting better. And may we all persevere meantime.

Gracious God, You watch over us with your angels, Your provide for us with such tender care, and sometimes we feel guilty for questioning or being sad. Lord Jesus Christ, thank you that you know your sheep, and you love us even when we groan or grumble that our life is tough. Please lift from us that need to pretend we are ok – yes to give thanks, but to acknowledge also that the ache is still there. Holy spirit, comfort us, strengthen us, and help us to smile even through our tears, for You say that all will be well. May we trust this promise, Amen.

The joy of photographs!

Lockdown seems to be lasting a long time- what an understatement this is! We know it is needed, to get the rates of virus transmission down, but it seems a bit endless, well actually completely endless.

It is a time of hibernation- when we are in a dormant state, everything seems slowed down, and going out to walk in the cold and rain can lose its appeal. It would be easy to feel a little down.

I am so impressed by people who have taken up knitting, done an on line course and learned a new language in lockdown! Such amazing self discipline and focus are needed.

One thing that can be remarkably beneficial, is to open up some old photo albums. Electronically stored photos are good too, but don’t quite have the same feel. Everytime you turn the page, you find a plethora of experiences, journeys and memories. They are mixed of course, sometimes people look a bit grumpy, and other times a moment of pure joy is captured- a night out with friends, a family holiday, an unexpected fun day out. Looking through photos, I am reminded of birthday meals, talking with dolphins, that trip to Moscow, swimming at Florida beaches, sunsets in Cyprus. I am reminded of all the ways that I am blessed.

I would encourage everyone to look at old photos. They remind us of family and friends, times of being together. They remind us of places we have traveled too, and the experience of different cultures and landscapes. They remind us of the richness of the lives that we have led.

God has blessed us, He watches over us in days of heartache, He gives us days of song, He inspires us with His word, He reminds us of beauty even out of ashes. We just need a little reminding at times.

‘I will praise you, O Lord, with all of my heart’ Psalm 9:1

Dear God, in lockdown, we often live much of our life within four walls, which can seem pretty claustrophobic. We cry to You to help us, when we feel hemmed in, and ask that You remind us of the freedom of your holy spirit. Lord Jesus, forgive us that we have short memories of the joys of past days. Give us patience, thankful hearts, and a desire to connect and bless others in safe but thoughtful ways. Thankyou that your love is never restricted, but is unlimited at reaching each one of us, wherever we are, Amen.

I’ll walk you to your car, lass.

Anniversaries are such strange things. You think you are prepared, but you seldom are. This month is the first anniversary of my father in law’s death, and it feels really emotional. He lived a long and full life, and he accomplished amazing things, but I still feel so very tearful at his death.

I used to visit him and his wife on a Sunday evening, and they always made us a meal, even when that should have been the last thing in the world they should have been thinking about. My mother in law would make a Sunday roast dinner for us, and took great pride in getting all the details right. How she cooked in that little scullery kitchen I will never know!

And then at the end of the evening, Tom would say to me ‘ I’ll walk you to your car, lass’. Everytime he said this, I would just be blown away. It was an old fashioned courtesy, offered as if it was so self evident that this was the only possible thing to do. They lived in the top flat, parking on the street was often difficult, and do with my parking skills, my car was often far away. But still he pull on his cap and jacket, and would accompany down the stairs. He would wave me out of my parking place, stopping the other traffic, just to make sure I got home ok.

That weekly courtesy was one of many, and just spoke of his kindness and manners. Even when he was less well, it took me all my time to stop him escorting me down the stairs, even when I protested that it was raining, and I didn’t want him to get wet.

Sometimes it is these little things that are so moving, so symbolic of his life, his thoughtfulness and humility and self effecting nature. Yet he also held strong views on politics, art and culture. He was incredibly witty, loved conversation and was stimulating company at dinner. He was an artist, with an independent vision and style. He was a brilliant husband, father in law, dad and grandpa. So sorely missed.

May we never take our loved ones for granted. May we take time to remember them, all the memories, good and bad, funny and poignant. May we have space to speak of them fondly, and to laugh and to reminisce. Every day is so precious.

In psalm 90 verse 12, the psalmist says : ‘ teach us to number our days, that we may gain a wisdom of the heart.’ Appreciating what we have, is just so vital, giving us thankful hearts, and puts all things in perspective.

Gracious God, our times are in your hands,and we are so grateful for all who have gone before us, who have shared their lives with us, who inspired us, and loved us. Lord Jesus, help us treasure all the ways You have blessed us, all the people who have shown us kindness. Holy Spirit, may the example of those who have gone before us, inspire us to live each day for good, that we may love and show compassion and thoughtfulness to others, and to seek to make this world a better place. Amen.

A legacy of wonder- the ice cubes are dancing!

We have had a beautiful weekend- my amazing son Andrew has become 21 years old. For a mum, you wonder where all the years went- they pass so quickly in a whirl.

It has been a very emotional time. We are so sad that Colin – Andrew’s dad isn’t here to celebrate with us, nor Colin’s parents. So much loss, and a big gaping hole in our lives. Having tried to write a little about Colin’s life too, my soul is full of the things that went wrong, times of illness and irritation.

However I also wrote some personal notes about Andrew’s life as he grew up, just now and again, to remember some of the details of his childhood. And at the weekend, I reread these, and it has been so healing. It reminded me of Andrew’s courage, his complete independence as a small boy, his determination, his quirky sense of humour, his insights, his patience. Andrew has an amazing turn of phrase- like when he was small, and he looked at his orange juice one hot day, and said ‘ the ice cubes are dancing’ Once you hear this, ice cubes are never the same again, they move and clink and dance to an unheard beat. It is seeing the wonder in the ordinary.

And so, even as I look back over the years, and grieve the losses and pain of my husband’s disability, so I have been reminded of the moments of mercy and wonder in every day. I am so privileged to have a son, who has always done his own thing, and who has brought us such joy. Whether it is his love of cars and their engines, or his insights into science fiction, or his infectious enjoyment of waterfights, our lives were always full.

And I think of Jesus saying of his sheep in John chapter 10 verse 10a: ‘I have come that they might have life, and gave it to the full.’ Jesus gives us the gift of life, with its sorrows and splashes of light, to experience the sadneses of life, and moments of connection and inspiration that are so ethereal it makes you cry.

And so today, I am full of a deep gratitude, for the vivid reminder that in the midst of uncertainty and illness, God blessed us as a family with a beautiful life together- however uproarious and chaotic it looked! And Colin’s legacy lives on in Andrew’s hard work, strength, loyalty, insight and humour.

May we value our children, and all our loved ones, and tell them what they mean to us, and savour every moment we have with them. May we always pray and encourage them, so that a legacy of wonder and love, can be passed down. Let us pray

Dear God, Creator of all things, You share with us all that You are, love, mercy, goodness and truth, forgiveness, wonder and joy- as Jesus demonstrates, life in all its fullness. Life can be bittersweet, but may your holy spirit keep our hearts from becoming hard, and enable us always to see the wonder around us, and to share that dance and legacy of love with others, Amen.