Memories can be such a comfort- we might think of a summer day away, or a special meal, or a childhood recollection. We might remember family and friends, laughter and sunshine, joy and exuberance! In later life, we can take such delight in such moments.

However, we often don’t mention the more difficult memories, times of illness or grief or trauma. We keep them to ourselves, keeping a protective coating over them. The significance of dates is a good example. We celebrate birthdays and anniversaries in community, but the darker remembrance of difficulty, tragedy or loss are often recalled more quietly. What do we do with the unsettling memories, the ones that have been unspoken or unacknowledged?

I wonder sometimes as a society if we need to be more honest. Maybe we are scared to be real, because sometimes people take advantage of us. It is true that trust needs to be earned. We need to choose who to trust. Yet being real, rather than pretending everything is ok, often seems more healthy. Another example of this is in funeral eulogies. People can leavea service thinking they don’t recognise the description of the person, because only the good has been shared. Of course, we want to be gracious, but hinting at some of the person’s more human characteristics can be healing.

I was reading John O’Donoghue’s Anam Cara: spiritual wisdom from the celtic world’. John wrote with such wisdom and lyricism. He speaks of our regrets and difficult memories as inner wounds. He says we need to approach them with great tenderness. Sometimes we are to acknowledge them, and let them be. Other times, we are to have compassion and examine them. On page 225, he writes ‘when you forgive yourself, your inner wounds begin to heal. You come in out of the exile of hurt into the inner joy of belonging. The art of integration is very precious…’

When we experience heaviness and regrets about the past, we can bring these painful memories to God. Through the holy spirit, we can discern how to deal with them- if it is a hurtful memory, can the injustice be wisely addressed? If we have a sense of shame, can we find forgiveness and healing? Often working with a trusted counsellor or therapist can help us on this journey

Jesus said ‘ the truth will set you free’ John 8:32. We pray that we might know the truth, both uncomfortable and inspiring. May the beautiful and loving moments leave a legacy of love. And may the darker, more difficult memories help us learn and grow, and strengthen us in enabling dignity, respect and compassion in our attitudes and actions, towards others and to ourselves.

Gracious and Eternal God, You alone know the past, present and future, and are present in each. We live in the present, and want to live attentively and fully. We still have hopes and dreams for the future. Lord Jesus Christ, we give thanks for the stories of our lives, the rough and the smooth, the joys and the sorrows. We give thanks for all that is good and wholesome. We ask forgiveness for our mistakes and shortcomings, and the hurt this has caused. We ask for grace to forgive  the pain and distress caused to us by others. Holy Spirit, when we get stuck in traumatic and unresolved memories, heal us and set us free, and may we find the right people to help us in this spiritual journey. Enable us to find peace and integration, so we can live each day in gratitude and love. In Jesus’ name, Amen