Experiencing Gods healing and hope after dark days….

We all go through dark days- seasons of grief, conflict, heartache, disillusionment and exhaustion. The pain can be raw and unrelenting, and lead to times of self doubt- why did it happen, could we have handled something differently?

After such a season, God is slowly bringing healing to me, and I am so grateful. When you are in the darkness, you wonder if there is hope, or if you might be stuck forever. Yet in these moments of despair, God can be so tender and compassionate, enabling us to move forward, but only when we are ready.

My experience is that there can be a period of numbness, when you are functioning, and the pain and heartache are kept beneath, because you just can’t face and process things all at once. It has to be a gradual and gentle healing.

I am so grateful for all who have accompanied me, who have given me safe places to process, and who have prayed for me. Prayer has upheld me in bleak times. When I could not find the words, the prayers of others sustained me.

God has provided all I needed. I have been able to rest, which was crucial. During times of stillness, nightmares have cleansed my soul. Reading the bible and listening to Christian music has anchored my spirit. Exercise has helped me find a rhythm. Playing has been essential!

I have prayerfully reflected on my story, to discern where negative patterns have originated and have prayed for a release from old chains, and for the holy spirit to enable me to embrace the new. I have been privileged to travel, which reminds me of the vastness of the globe, and possibilities of deeper understanding and renewal. I have taken health inventories of my body, mind and soul, and asked God to heal what has been broken, and to help me be patient with my many shortcomings.

When we are in a dark place, it is like Jesus calls us just to come and spend time in His presence. Often no words are needed. When we are out of step and misaligned, He calls to us. And just being with Him, brings our hearts back into rhythm.

In Exekiel chapter 11:19 God says: ‘ I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone, and give you a heart of flesh.’

It can feel that we have developed a heart of stone, where we are in danger of being weary and cynical, even bitter. Yet God removes that hard heart, and grants us a tender heart once more, that beats in time with His own.

I am so grateful to know God’s healing touch in my life, to know that hope still exists. I still have a long way to go, and I guess I will always be a work in progress but that is ok.

I want to encourage anyone going through a painful and heavy time, to know that Jesus understands and ministers to us through His Holy Spirit. Sometimes we are impatient and questioning, for the healing process can be slow. It can feel that nothing is happening, or that we are going backwards. God calls us to surrender to Him, to wait, and to see what He can do. May His healing and grace be experienced by us all.

God of goodness and love, we come to You in worship and thanksgiving. We acknowledge our pain and nights of tears, our sadness and questioning. We thankyou that because of the cross, You forgive our mistakes and shortcomings. Lord Jesus, help us to forgive as You have forgiven us. Bring healing we pray, so our wounds can be bandaged, and even though there are scars, we give thanks. May our experiences of brokeness can be refined into a deeper trust. Holy Spirit, bring us hope for the future. As we shake the dust off our feet and ask for courage to move on, we ask You to bring wholeness to our lives, so when we are ready, we then can rededicate ourselves to serving You in new ways. In your mercy, hear our prayer.

Encounters with the divine in Barcelona!

As part of my healing journey, I am privileged to travel. Even in days of difficult international news, travelling reminds me that there is still a beautiful world out there, rich in love and creativity.

I am spending some time in Barcelona, which is so inspiring. I have visited The Sagrada Familia, one of Gaudi’s most amazing works, a basilica very much inspired by his Catholic faith. It is commonly known as ‘ the cathedral of light’ and is a stunningly beautiful place of worship, inspired by sunlight, by the natural lines and colours of creation and a deep reverence for Jesus Christ. The towers, the carvings of the gospels stories, and the intricate carvings of animals and flowers make it a place to keep going back to. Even in the midst of enormous crowds, it is possible to find quiet moments of awe and wonder and worship.

Another day I went to the Santa Maria de Montserrat monastery. This is up in the

Pyrenees mountains, a village built round a Benedictine monastery- described as a place of encounter and prayer. The monastery was founded in 1025. The location itself was breathtaking with the famous serrated edged mountains as the backdrop.

It was a deeply spiritual time, being in such a distinctive mountain area, and a place of prayer and worship. There is a beautiful story of Ignatius of Loyola’s time here in 1522, and his encounter with God, which was decisive in his decision to leave his old life behind, and then go to Manresa, where he felt called to a new spiritual path. This came about through a time prayer in the basilica, and reminds us of how God can work powerfully through the power of prayer, to change the direction of our lives.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:16 it says ‘pray without ceasing’. Whether we are in the most amazing church, high in a mountain retreat, or sitting in the house, God calls us to pray, and to spend time in His loving presence. This is a glorious invitation, to meet with Him, to find forgiveness for the things that trouble our souls, and to find new direction and purpose for our lives. May we be open to that encounter with God wherever we might be.

Gracious God, You delight when your children choose to spend time with You. Forgive us that we get so easily distracted, and postpone coming into your presence. You welcome us like the best parent, eyes filled with love and mercy. Lord Jesus, Your love brings us acceptance and grace. You forgive us our sin and bring us peace. You inspire us with Your glory and purity, and your Holy Spirit speaks to us of a new path ahead, for which You equip us so meaningfully and generously. Help us to surrender to You, and trust Your call, in Jesus name, Amen.

An undergirding of grace and prayer….

Thanksgiving!

Just celebrated Thanksgiving in America with my beautiful friends. It is a day of coming together, sharing food, and being grateful. It is not pretending that everything is ok in the world, because it so isn’t! But it is a day dedicated to noticing and appreciating what we have.

The last 10 months have been a time of profound sadness at the illness and death of my mum. I am so thankful for her life, and her love and her character! Spending time with my mum was always a joy. Losing your second parent is difficult in so many ways, as you suddenly realise that you are the adult, and you see the world in a different light. Grieving her loss, and coming to terms with a new reality is painful.

Yet I also notice the presence of God in all that has taken place, and have experienced an undergirding of grace. His grace has been revealed in moments of insight, a listening ear, acts of incredible kindness, times of being carried, even in the darkest and bewildering of days.

When we are suffering, it can be hard to focus in prayer, and I think it is then that the prayers of others sustain us. Prayers said on our behalf, can lift us up when we are despairing, guide us when we are unsure, and bring just the right person into our lives when we need it. The power of prayer can never be underestimated. It is the most pure expression of love.

And so I can say with the psalmist ‘ Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures forever.’ In psalm 136 verse 1. We are to give thanks in all circumstances, even just for a whisper of love in a moment of anguish, a flickering flame of illunination even on a dull day. We notice His hand at work, and we rejoice that our names are written on the palm of His hand.

Gracious God, You say to us that you do not snuff out a smouldering wick, or break a bruised reed. When we feel vulnerable and broken, You treat us tenderly, and your gracious love restores our humanity. Lord Jesus, even on the bleakest days, may we be aware of Your invisible hand of love. Thank you for the power of prayer to sustain and to encourage and to bless. Holy spirit, may we recommit ourselves to pray for others, for healing and strength and wellbeing. And in all things, may we be attentive to your grace and loving provision, and be deeply thankful, Amen.

Cultivating gratitude!

At the moment, I feel deeply grateful for God’s faithfulness to me, grounded in gratitude. Maybe it is just being on holiday- that has had an impact! But having some space, has also given me time to reflect. And I have sense of God’s great faithfulness to me.

As I look back over my life, I have been blessed. Much has been challenging, painful and deeply wounding. I have often asked why God did you let that happen? The sufferings of my late husband often brought forth this question. He had such a tough time with a degenerative disability and difficult memories. He experienced so much anguish and damage, and that impacted everyone around him.

Yet in the midst of that questioning, God’s love never failed us as a family. We might have been bewildered, exhausted, walking on eggshells. But we also had moments of joy, laughter at ridiculous situations, and wonderful support from many of the people around us, family and friends.

It is realising the balance, that seems so important. The temptation is to dwell on the dark side, to let self pity and despair become uppermost. But God’s call to me is to keep looking for His hand at work, to notice His goodness and mercy. When I notice the acts of kindness each day, I choose to cultivate gratitude, and this changes everything.

At times, to be honest, it is a struggle. My experiences of care giving, trauma and grief are lasting. And this is where I have to say I have noticed the power of praying friends. People who have prayed for us consistently, and you just know the difference, when a verse stands out, when something comes together, when unexpectedly your mood lifts. So often, someone has been asking God to bless and guide me, and I am so moved. And this in turn inspires me to pray for others. There is a blanket of prayers around the world, through which God’s will is done, and His love reaches many. And His love can heal, forgive and transform all our lives.

And so today, I am deeply thankful. And when I am less sure- on the days that are frustrating and darker, I pray for the grace to cultivate gratitude, and give thanks for the prayers of others, that carry me forward.

I remember the verse from Colossians 2: 6-8 ” just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, rooted and built up in Him, continue in the faith as you were taught, overflowing with thankfulness.” Being rooted in God’s love, just helps us to find the strength and insight we need.

Merciful God, I admit to you that I struggle. I want to be thankful, but sometimes it is an effort, and I am discouraged by the pain and heartbreak in this life. Lord Jesus, on these days, may I look to You. You faced opposition, you were misunderstood and mocked, but Your love never faltered. Holy spirit, as a community teach us to hold one another in prayer, so when any of us has a bad day, we can find encouragement from each other. Break down the barriers of pride that prevent us asking for prayer. Help us to be more committed in praying for others, for you answer our prayers in amazing and life giving ways, so that more people can experience your powerful and life transforming love. And in the midst of it all, grant us a deep gratitude for each day that You grant us, Amen.