Going against the flow….

Last weekend I visited Pitlochry, and walked around the hydro electric dam, and the fish ladder. The fish ladder is composed of 34 tiered pools, that allow salmon to swim upstream in the breeding season, sometimes swimming distances of 6,000 miles.

Sometimes I relate to that salmon travelling a long distance against the flow. It must feel like an epic swim, swimming round obstacles and uphill.

Why might some one feel like this? It could be that you have a different outlook from your friends, and don’t want to compromise. Perhaps colleagues at work have different ideas as to how to behave. There are many times when we might feel that we are going in a different direction from everyone else.

I often think of the story of David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17. The giant Goliath was making threats, and the Israeli people were terrified. The shepherd boy David decides to take him on, and King Saul offers him a heavy set of armour and weapons to do this. But this is not David’s way, so he refuses this armour, and instead faces the giant with a sling and some smooth pebbles. David wins the battle not because he conforms to what is expected, but because he trusts God to help him.

God creates us to be ourselves. We look to Him to transform us to be more like Jesus through His Holy Spirit, and that work is ongoing. Yet He also calls us to be true to our God given selves. He wants us to know our story, our strengths and weaknesses, and to discover our calling, the purpose for which He has given us these gifts. Sometimes we can be tempted to compromise with the ways of the world. Yet being our distinctive selves, even with all our faults and failings is our vocation, and when we are faithful to this, we find our peace.

Maybe you feel as if you are struggling today? It is tough to keep swimming against the tide. Yet being faithful to our values, our identity, our core beliefs is the best we can do. And when we think it is too hard, we call on the strength of our mighty Saviour, and we find new resilience and a deeper love. May God be with all who feel they are going against the stream, and give us energy and renewal of strength and purpose in every circumstance.

Gracious Father, we are small children in your presence, trying to find our way in the world. We face obstacles and temptation, and we ask forgiveness for our mistakes, and the consequences of these. Lord Jesus, when we feel as if we are alone, standing up for what we believe, facing misunderstanding or opposition, keep us strong. We are open to reviewing our position, to ask if You want us to learn a new thing or amend our position, for we have humble hearts. Like David, when we face giant obstacles, keep us calm and trusting in You. May your Holy Spirit guide us, and give us renewed vigour to keep going, even when it against the flow, for we seek to do your will alone, and to bless others. Keep us steadfast in our path and in Your love, in Jesus name, Amen.

Getting around in a car park!

There are some things in life that should be straightforward, but are just not! Getting in and out car parks is one of them.

Recently I inadvertently ended up in an underground car park. It was just the nearest and most visually obvious place to park. However once I entered, the first challenges began to emerge. They were doing some building work in the car park, so part of it was closed off, and the entrance now comprised a narrow route down involving a hairpin bend. The problem was once you were through the entrance, you were committed to going further. I had to reverse and realign a couple of times, helped by a cheerful man nearby who was stationed to help unsuspecting drivers struggling with the angles. It was just a bit stressful, to say the least! I ended up breathing in to get round some of the bends, which I know doesn’t make the car narrower, but psychologically seems to help.

Then when I got to the car park itself, the temporary route was against all the arrow signage, so it always appeared that I was going the wrong way. And there were hardly any parking spaces vacant, and the ones there were, were beside these enormous concrete pillars that take up half the space. You are trying to get into the space, without crashing into the pillar, or having the back of the car out in the exit lane, and not to be squint. It was like torture. I breathed deeply, took it slowly, and eventually parked, carried out my chores, and breathed an enormous sigh of relief when I eventually made it out into the light with myself and the car in one piece.

In comparison with the trial and tribulations that people face in life, this was a trivial problem. But it did remind me that God cares not just for the big dilemmas and heartbreaks, but also about the smaller details of our lives, and we can trust Him for it all.

I love psalm 31 where it says ‘ I trust in You God. I say ‘ You are my God, my times are in your hands’. Whatever is happening in our lives, good or bad, big or small, we can entrust them all.into the hands of God. What a relief. Hallelujah!

Gracious God, thank you that You are our Guide and Helper, in the big challenges in life, and in the small frustrations. Lord Jesus, we can trust in Your unfailing love, even when we are grumpy and out of sorts, when we are scared or overwhelmed. Thankyou. Help us to trust You in every moment of our lives. Holy Spirit, give us calmness and courage to do things that are take us out of our comfort zone, and to keep on going. In Jesus name, Amen

Chrysalis gloop!

That Easter image of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly is inspiring. It is easy to think it happens quickly, and then you have a wonderful outcome. However it can take 7-14 days inside a chrysalis for this transformation to take place!

I feel as if I have been in a chrysalis for the last 6 weeks. It started off as an ordinary day, but then things started to change. God gave me a restlessness about my life, which developed into a questioning. At the same time, there was the beginning of a formation and call to something new. And this time of transition was confusing and painful and disorientating. I stopped blogging for a while, because so many things didn’t make sense. It was like a dark night of the soul.

That time in the chrysalis is dark and messy. I called out to God, asking for direction and guidance. Sometimes I was unsure, but as I prayed and read and pondered, my call to leave and then go in a new direction became clearer. I am so grateful to God for that clarity, as I was worried I would miss what God was saying.

I thought about Moses not being able to go into the promised land, and so commissioning Joshua to take the next steps instead.( Deuteronomy 31). Sometimes we need to stand aside for others to continue the work, however painful a decision that is.

I was in that chaotic dark place for a while, but God directed my manoeverings so I could emerge out into the light. I hope I have learned to trust Him more completely through this experience. I am still not sure exactly what will happen next, but I am at peace, and listening expectantly for the whisper of the Holy Spirit to speak once more. I am blessed and at peace.

‘ To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul, In you I trust, o my God.’ Psalm 25:1

Gracious and Eternal God, there is nothing new under the sun, and yet as your children we are surprised and challenged so easily when things change. We are put out and confused. And in your grace, Lord Jesus, you speak Your Word of Hope and Truth, and you call us to follow. Please may we always be attentive to your voice, even in the midst of chaos and confusion. And when we hear you, Holy Spirit, give us courage, to go in a new direction, and to continue to grow more fully into our God given self. In Jesus, name, Amen

Leaves falling- sadness and peace!

Amazing colours but sorrowful silhouettes

After the torrential rain, there have been some gorgeous bright autumn days. 🍂 The blue skies have contrasted with the vibrant colours and textures of the leaves, creating a visual feast.

In Ecclesiastes it says that there is a time for every season under the sun, and each one helps us appreciate the others. I have always loved autumn, as John Keats said in his ode ‘a season of mist and mellow fruitfulness.’ It is a time of slowing down, of noticing, of appreciating things past.

It is the eve of my book promotion ‘Love songs for healing and hope!’ At SGT Church of Scotland, Buchanan Street tomorrow. As I prepare, I re-engage with past memories, which still stir within me sorrow and pain. Memories of my late husband’s struggles with being an injured veteran continue to resonate deeply. I think if only things had been different….

Yet I know this is the wrong road. I need to accept all that took place, but learn from it, and pray it helps me be a wiser more compassionate person, better equipped to listen and to support others. ‘ Love songs for healing and hope’ is a devotional resource book to share these insights, in the hope it might help another human soul acknowledge how tough it can be to support some one with a disability in life, and how difficult it is to come to terms with guilt and grief in death. It aims to offer healing and hope to all who are weary in their struggles and pain.

It is now over 5 years since Colin died, and subsequent bereavements keep causing the wound to be re-opened. An additional dimension is added by the tragedy and heartbreak in our world just now that exacerbates our feelings of horror at all that is wrong with the world.

And yet, as the trees let go their leaves, there is beauty. As the tears fall, sorrow is expressed and occasionally assuaged. As we learn to accept what has taken place, we realise we have no control over many things, and find a deeper peace.

Life is so very rich, and so we ask God not to abandon us in our sorrow, but to help us see and explore possibilities of formation and new life in the time to come. It might not seem real right now, but one day, maybe we will look back and see things differently.

Eternal Father, our Creator and Source of all life, we marvel at the universe, the movement of the stars, the changing night sky, and we are humbled. Lord Jesus, at times you call us to let go of past expectations and dreams, and that hurts so much, but then we are also called forward, to trust that You are doing a new thing. Holy spirit, may we surrender to Your will, and receive your peace, so we can then in turn bless and encourage others, in Jesus name, Amen

Letting go the toilet roll from the back of the car!

Pandemics do strange things to people. We adopt survival habits, which seem a good idea at the time, but don’t hold up so well longer term. In the first months of the pandemic, there was a complete panic in society that we were going to run out of toilet rolls, and so many shop shelves were empty. And so I used to keep a packet of toilets rolls in the back seat of the car, so if I met someone who didn’t have any, I could offer them a packet. It seemed like a good idea!

However 21 months later, I still have a packet of toilet paper in the back of the car. I know that I don’t need them, that in fact no one needs them, but it has been hard to let go. What if there is another shortage?

I think that we have all put strategies in place to help us deal with the pandemic, new patterns of living to seek to keep us and others safe, going out less often, doing our lateral flow tests etc. Many of these patterns are necessary and good.

However for some of our coping strategies, we need to adapt, and to let go. They are no longer relevant- hoarding our favourite food, ordering everything on line, deciding we don’t need to catch up with friends the same way. It feels a little as if we are trying to control things, to make things seem better, to try to erase our worries and anxieties.

I love the verses from Jesus in Matthew chapter 6:25 onwards: ‘therefore i tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is life not more than food, the body more than clothing. Look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap, nor gather into barns,and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?’

Do not worry, are words I think we all need to hear, especially as we go into a new year. Sometimes we get frazzled trying to sort things out, trying to envisage what might happen, and to try to prevent it. We so overthink.

God calls us just to trust Him, not to prepare for things that haven’t yet happened, to put our energy into worrying when we don’t know what the future will bring. Our heavenly Father knows us, He knows what we need, and He will provide for us, with grace and care. And so in this year ahead, may we lay aside unhealthy patterns and worries from the past, and find courage to go forward in freedom.

Gracious God, You give us freedom to choose how we respond to the dilemmas and enigmas of this life. Sometimes we have got stuck in old habits, negative patterns and worries. Lord Jesus, You came into this world to set us free, and to give us life in all its fullness. Holy spirit give us discernment to let go of unnecessary burdens and habits, and heal us, so we can live in freedom, and make wise choices in the present. As we enter into another year. May we trust You, for your eye is even on the sparrow, and so Your love and provision for us is even more wonderful. Thankyou Jesus, Amen.