Lent, loss and love…..

It is Ash Wednesday today, the beginning of Lent, the period leading up to Easter. It feels like a very meaningful time in the Christian calendar, a time of reflection and musing.

The traditional idea of giving something up at this time, has some substance, as in giving something up like- mindless tv, too much sugary stuff, bad habits, and helps us to experience a cleansing. When we make space and time in our day, we can then chpose to embrace something positive- to listen to God, to pray differently, to read more, to exercise, whatever we most need.

There is a pattern to life, and often loss, giving something up, voluntarily or involuntarily, takes away all our defences, and leaves us exposed. We see the worst about ourselves, the full depth of our sin, our selfishness and rebellion.

But then when we are naked in the desert in the unrelenting heat, God comes to us, and opens up for us a spring of water, a moment of relief and renewal. He helps us wipe off the dust and dirt, and gives us energy and life. His tender love revives our soul, and brings hope. But we have to experience the loss first, to explore the reality of our pain and hurt, before we truly can appreciate the mercy of God, and the promise of resurrection that is eventually filfilled.

Now, we are just at the start of our journey. God call us to be searingly honest about our lives, our disasters, but also to notice the moments of grace, fragile hope in a dark and hurting world.

Literature often helps us express our feelings, not just about our own situation, but the concerns of an age. In 1867, Matthew Arnold wrote a poem called ‘ On Dover Beach’ about how the sea of faith seems to be receding, and towards the end he says ‘ here we are as on a darking plain, swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight, where ignorant armies clash by night.’ There is a sense of melancholy, that the Victorian age was a time of change and uncertainty, and the Christian faith was becoming diminished in its influence.

We can maybe identify with this. Although Chrtianity is expanding elsewhere, in Europe and north America, it is challenged by secularism and materialism and greed. It can make us feel isolated and downhearted. But desert times in our faith are allowed for a purpose, and we hope we come though these times of testing and temptation, to emerge with a new hope, and strength and capacity to love.

Gracious and Eternal God, it feels like a time of testing in the world just now, with war, greed and inhumanity being so prevalent. Yet when we are alone, with everything stripped away, we see anew what is important, for Lord Jesus, your love is at the centre of all things- it give us meaning, hope snd purpose. Holy spirit speak to us in this time of lent, reveal to us what to relinguish, to make space for what is better, and what is life giving. May this season be meaningful and transformative, and over time, prepare us for all that is to come.

Reconnecting with purpose

I am thankful for everyone who bought books and gave donations for my book ‘Love songs for healing and hope.’ (available on Amazon, and directly from Handsel press). I wanted just to say that since the book promotion evening in November, the amount raised so far is £400 each for the charities Quiet Waters and Richmond Hope. An additional £100 was raised each for Epilepsy Connections and Community Veterans. Thank you to everyone for their generosity and encouragement.

In the first months of a new year, i feel God calling me onwards. I feel privileged to tell my husband’s story, and to also seek to encourage those who are carers, who are traumatised or grieving. There seems so much sadness in the world, connection and telling our stories in safe places seems more important than ever.

Sometimes we wonder if we can ever make a difference. I am so flawed, and get things wrong so often- it can be so dispiriting. Then I remember the story of the widow in Mark 12:42-4. She gave two mites as her offering- a very small amount, but she gave all she had, and Jesus saw her generous spirit. Sometimes we do what we can, and it seems so very little, but if we prayerfully commit it to God, we pray that somehow He can use it to help others, and for His glory. This story reminds us that every small thing we do has significance and matters.

Our purpose on earth is to live in God’s love, and to share it with all around us. If we can find ways of doing this, opportunities to connect and serve and love, then we need to take them. None of us knows the number of our days- every day is a gift, so may we use our time well, and spread the love of Jesus in every way we can.

Gracious God, we see the heartbreak and suffering in this world, the pain of illness, the rawness of grief. Lord Jesus, in the midst of it all, you bring healing, reconciliation and hope. Call us, use us as your servants to do what we can to share in your ministry, through creativity and prayer, listening and sharing our stories. Holy spirit, help us to bring encouragement, to help just one other person each day, so they know that they are not alone, and that God sees and loves them so much. May we live out your purposes each day, and find peace as we do so, Amen

Places- the power of memory

I had the opportunity to revisit Millport the other day. It was stunningly beautiful, with the majestic snow dusted mountains of Arran in the background. Freezing but incredible.

I was back for very practical purposes, but just being on the island reminds me of 20 years of memories. My late mum had a wee flat there, and she generously let me use this for holidays.

We have so many wonderful memories of Cumbrae, playing crazy golf in the rain, the brilliant sunrises, walks along the beach with the seals in the early morning, and of course cycling round the island, stopping at Fintry Bay for some delicious refreshments. Walks to the top of the hill, seeing all the different types of birds, marvelling at the colours of the sea and movement of the tides are always wondrous.

The beauty of creation is often spoken of in the bible, as in psalm 19 verse 1 ‘ the heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of his hands’. Being on an island, the skies seem so big and glorious! Every season brings different colours in the hedgerows, a variety of birds, temperatures and ambiances. And the memories of a place often seem absorbed in the landscape, and then are like a homing beacon to come home. As soon as you set foot on the land, the memoies flood back. There is an instant familiarity of sight and fragrance and sound that is reassuring, and which catapaults you into the past. I give thanks for places where memory and landscape are so intimately interlaced.

Creator God, You have made the world to be so full of vitality and diversity, and you bless us with opportunities to explore and enjoy. Lord Jesus, you enable us to experience precious memories and connections with others, family and friends, and we are thankful. Holy spirit, help us to notice the gorgeous nature of our surroundings, often the backdrop to our experiences, and to cherish these deep interconnections and affinities. In Jesus name, Amen

A stitch in time…..

I was not great at home economics. My scones were unusual shapes, my knitting not uniform tension, and my crosstitch was lamentable. My teacher was kind, but not best pleased with my efforts.

As I get older I realise the importance of these skills however. I have a warm coat I am enjoying wearing in this cold weather, but the lining has come adrift in one of the sleaves. Too often I am leaving some one’s house, and as I put my arm in the sleeve, it fails to come out the other side. I have to try to extracate myself, losing any dignity, and remember to try to sow it back together! If I had done this at the beginning, when the seam had just a small tear, it would have been so much better.

Am thinking about this a lot, that there is a time to mend, to mend tears, and things that are broken, and relationships that are strained or in difficulty. Sometimes if a word can be said in season, to correct a misunderstanding, to soothe a fractured communication, it can prevent things becoming worse. It doesn’t always achieve this of course, but at least offering it is a start. We are not responsible for the response of another person, just for our own behaviours.

I love the psalmist in psalm 51 verse 10 ‘ Create in me a pure heart, and renew a steadfast spirit within me’. We pray that God would give us a pure heart, show us any impurities, and ask that the holy spirit reveal to us any jealousies, bitterness or resentments, so we can let them go. If we approach life with a pure heart, then we can have a clear conscience that we have done everything in our power to live at peace with everyone, and that is enough.

Eternal God, You are good and true and lovely, and You have created this world as a splendid and dynamic vortex of colour and texture and sound, the heavens and the earth together. We praise You for all the creativity and life in this world, and we are so desolate at everything that blights and distorts and destroys, in creation, in relationships, in material things. Lord Jesus, the Great Physician, please bring healing and restoration to all that is marred and spoiled. Work through people willing to speak that word in season, negotiators, mediators, all of us. Holy Spirit, give us courage to take the first step to mend, to stitch together, to repair all that is torn, so that the broken may become whole, in Jesus name, Amen.

Illness and insight!

Post pandemic, we are grateful for vaccinations and medication that usually make having covid a milder experience. For many it has just become like the flu. However, you still don’t want to give it to others if you can avoid it.

I had covid again last week. It wasn’t nice, but it wasn’t life threatening. It was just a time to rest, medicate, to be covered in blankets and have hot drinks. It passed, for which I am thankful.

I think God often gets my attention through illness. It is His way of slowing me down, and getting me to reflect. Being unable to get about, makes me experience life differently.

Often when we are rushing about- we get stuck in the same familiar patterns and routines. We cannot imagine anything different. However having to stop, makes us evaluate things- why do i do this that way? Why does this activity take so much of my life? Is this important at all?

One of my hopes this year, is to live more mindfully. I was reading the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, and when the author was very unwell after an accident, he had to build up his habits from scratch, and he started with go to bed early, and tidy your room.

After you have started, you build up your other priorities, for me- prayer, healthy exercise, eating food that is good for you, connecting with others. Everyone will have their own list. When we look at our days, we often spend time on rubbish tv, social media scrolling, trying to find lost items, overthinking, worrying etc. The list of negatives can go on.

One of my challenges for the year ahead is to slow down and live more mindfully. I want to appreciate what I have, and live a bit more intentionally, for my life to be more purposeful. I remember a quotatuon from Rick Warren in the Purpose Driven life ‘ Jesus modelled a very simple life. You dont see him collecting things. He spent his time and energy on relationships, as he knew they were more important than all the stuff in this world.’

Jesus said ‘ Love the lord your God, with all of your heart, with all of your soul, with all of your strength, and all of your mind’ and also that we should ‘love your neighbour as yourself’ Matthew 22: 26-30. Maybe if we just focussed on this, it is all that is needed.

Eternal God, we try to do so much in life, to fit so many things in, sometimes we forget what is important. We are so busy, at times You have to slow us down, so we are more able to listen Forgive us Lord Jesus. Help us to simplify our life and our habits, to let go of what is outdated or superfluous or a distraction, and to focus on what is essential- to live in your beautiful, pure and healing love, and then to share this with others. Holy spirit, speak to us in our individual situations, and bring us your Word of life and hope, so we can be more fully yours, and be more intentional in our living. May we live in profound simplicity and with deep love every day, purposefully pointing others to You, Amen.

New year- a letting go of what is heavy!

The beginning of a new year is a threshold time, a time to reflect and dream. To have space to dream, I know I firstly need to clear some space. Some of that space is in my soul, but part of it also is also in my house!

I like to keep things, because they often have memories associated with them, or some kind of symbolic meaning. When I see the item, it reminds me of that person or that day. However I have obviously led a very full life, as now I am besieged with stuff in every direction. I do de-clutter regularly, but different seasons of life can bring new challenges.

When i spend time in an overcluttered room, it feels heavy, and actually the joy of the room can become lost, and this can feel oppressive. There was a time in my life that i didn’t really notice this, but space and light have become more important to me as i get older.

So in January this year, i am working on letting things go- a particular challenge is paperwork. Some one suggested thst we use 20% of our ‘stuff’ 80% of the time, and that feels true. Why i have kept things i will never know- in case somebody would ask an obscure question in 20 years time? I suspect this is unlikely. Much will needed shredded, another challenge. I need to be disciplined and focussed.

Much of this seems to have a spiritual dimension too. Physical space, gives space for emotional growth and development. One of my favourite bible verses is ‘ where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom’ 2 Corinthians 3:17. My prayer is that my decluttering, and consolidation of what I have, will give me space to tackle new projects, and to find new directions. I do not underestimate the pain of letting some things go, but the freedom of space is my motivator.

Eternal God, You are a generous provider of all we need, but sometimes we seem greedy in what we hold on to. Lord Jesus, help us cherish things that are precious, but have the discernment to let go of the unnecessary. Help us to also share more freely with others on our planet. Holy spirit bring your wind of change and refreshing, so we can see with new clarity, to let go of what is heavy, and to live in a new lightness and freedom. Then we can follow You more closely, love You more dearly, and be more faithful stewards of the things of the earth, Amen.

It’s a wonderful life- possibilities of hope!

For many people at Christmas, it is traditional to watch the film ‘It’s a wonderful life!’ Without giving too much away, George Bailey has spent his life helping others, but it has been costly, losing his hearing, and his dreams to go to college and to travel. He gets to a point in the film, when he has a crisis about his self worth.

We can maybe all identify with this at times. We look back at our life, and wonder if we could have done things differently, what it was all for. Maybe we doubt ourselves, and are tempted to despair and to question. It can be very painful.

An angel is sent to help George at a critical moment, and at times of self pity or loss, we could all do with an angel. We need to be reminded that every human being is precious, and that God has a plan for us all. Sometimes because of sorrow or disappointment we lose sight that there could be a bigger picture.

2023 has been a very challenging year for me, professionally and personally. Sometimes it has seemed very dark. Yet films like this one, remind us that even in difficult circumstances, there are possibilities of redemption and hope. We all need to be reminded of this, that things can change for the better. We are called to trust God and to hope.

The things that have helped me the most, are my Christian faith, and my amazing friends. At times God has lifted me up. In psalm 91 verse 12, it says “They (angels) will lift you up with their hands, so you will not strike your foot against a stone’. I have experienced many times when God has carried me, and He sustained and nurtured me. The prayers and encouragement of thoughtful friends have been stunning- you know who you are. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have shown me the value of true community.

If anyone is having a time of desolation or darkness, please know that it won’t last forever. I pray you find a friend or family member who will listen, an unexpected encouragement or answer to prayer. May we know there are always possibilities of hope and redemption, and that every life can make a difference.

Eternal Father, You are a God who was willing to send your Son to this violent and conflicted earth to be the Saviour of the world. Lord Jesus, You come as Prince of Peace, with a message of redemption and hope. When we sit in deepest darkness, be our light. Remind us that You can transform the bleakest situation, through your angels, and your holy spirit at work. Give us hope in our hearts, the encouragement we crave, and give us strength to persevere, to do what we can to make this world a better place. Rekindle within us a sense of the good that is possible. May your kingdom come, Amen.

Melon makes me cry!

Recent weeks have been tricky. I love the season of Advent- the anticipation, the candles, the wonder, as we prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ with the world. It is such a beautiful time of the year, filled with hope and possibility.

However it is also so very poignant. It is difficult not to look back and remember past Christmases, and remember those no longer with you. I am at an age where my Christmas card list has shrunk, because a number of my friends are no longer here. And the number of empty places at the table has meant that a table is barely required.

Melon makes me cry, because my mum loved melon. After her surgeries 8 years ago, she was often thirsty, and when she had melon, her whole face lit up, and she enjoyed it so much. I so enjoyed buying her melon.

Now I see melon in the supermarket, and I am all ready to put it in my basket, and then stop. My mum passed away in September, and she doesn’t need melon anymore. My emotional muscle memory wants to keep buying it though, and is just a strand of the sharp pain of loss. For the newly bereaved, so many things make us cry.

Advent is still a wonderful time, and we are reminded that Jesus is our Emmanuel, the God who is with us. He understands our grief, and we do not need to pretend with him. The light of the candle flame is more meaningful when you have sat in deep darkness.

Intellectually, I understand that this will eventually become a time of forming new traditions and possibilities. But right now, I just need space to sit in the darkness. I have found with emotional pain, my body often reflects that, and so three weeks ago my shoulder started to hurt. After seeing my wonderful osteopath and a physio it is getting better, but the pain of my shoulder seemed to somehow embody the pain of my heart. I so admire people who manage to live well with chronic pain, because for me even just some physical pain for a short time, I have found exhausting and debilitating.

In psalm 147:3 it says: God heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds’. For people whose hearts are sore at Christmas, we are reminded that we have a Saviour who cares, who came to offer salvation to all, forgiveness, love and a new beginning. It doesn’t happen overnight, for healing is gradual, messy and chaotic, but even the possibility of healing, the idea that the pain might ease, and peace come, brings hope.

Gracious and Eternal God, under the shadow of your wings, comes shelter and healing. For all who are sore, whose dreams are shattered, may they find healing nestling in your arms of love. Lord Jesus, Babe of Bethlehem, you weep over the pain and heartbreak of many, whose lives are upside down, who despair and cry out to You. Emmanuel come to us, to all who cry out to You, and may Your presence enable tears of pain to be transformed to tears of relief and thanksgiving. Holy spirit, thankyou that we are never alone, that You hold us in these in between shadow times, until we find courage to re-emerge into the world once more. Meantime, may the prayers and encouragement of family and friends bring blessing and even peace, Amen.

An undergirding of grace and prayer….

Thanksgiving!

Just celebrated Thanksgiving in America with my beautiful friends. It is a day of coming together, sharing food, and being grateful. It is not pretending that everything is ok in the world, because it so isn’t! But it is a day dedicated to noticing and appreciating what we have.

The last 10 months have been a time of profound sadness at the illness and death of my mum. I am so thankful for her life, and her love and her character! Spending time with my mum was always a joy. Losing your second parent is difficult in so many ways, as you suddenly realise that you are the adult, and you see the world in a different light. Grieving her loss, and coming to terms with a new reality is painful.

Yet I also notice the presence of God in all that has taken place, and have experienced an undergirding of grace. His grace has been revealed in moments of insight, a listening ear, acts of incredible kindness, times of being carried, even in the darkest and bewildering of days.

When we are suffering, it can be hard to focus in prayer, and I think it is then that the prayers of others sustain us. Prayers said on our behalf, can lift us up when we are despairing, guide us when we are unsure, and bring just the right person into our lives when we need it. The power of prayer can never be underestimated. It is the most pure expression of love.

And so I can say with the psalmist ‘ Give thanks to the Lord for He is good. His love endures forever.’ In psalm 136 verse 1. We are to give thanks in all circumstances, even just for a whisper of love in a moment of anguish, a flickering flame of illunination even on a dull day. We notice His hand at work, and we rejoice that our names are written on the palm of His hand.

Gracious God, You say to us that you do not snuff out a smouldering wick, or break a bruised reed. When we feel vulnerable and broken, You treat us tenderly, and your gracious love restores our humanity. Lord Jesus, even on the bleakest days, may we be aware of Your invisible hand of love. Thank you for the power of prayer to sustain and to encourage and to bless. Holy spirit, may we recommit ourselves to pray for others, for healing and strength and wellbeing. And in all things, may we be attentive to your grace and loving provision, and be deeply thankful, Amen.

The power of film….

I have been so fortunate as to be able to travel, which I love. It gives me the space to process and to develop new perspectives.

I spent some time in Philadelphia this week, which was a really thought-provoking and inspiring place to be. One of the places I visited was the ‘Rocky’ steps outside the Philadelphia museum of arts. I went there a bit on ‘automatic pilot’ but when I got there, was amazed at how emotional an experience it was.

In the film, an unknown local boxer is chosen at the last minute to fight the reigning heavy weight champion Apollo Creed, when his scheduled opponent becomes injured. Rocky- the Italian stallion- is expected to loose badly, but he decides to do what he can, and trains mercilessly. One of the scenes in the movie is when he runs up these stairs outside the museum after a time of intense training, raises his hands in the air, and is elated as he feels he is so much fitter and stronger than he was, and that he is ready for the fight.

What was amazing as I was going up the steps, was the number of people of every age and nationality coming up the steps, at different speeds, and doing a power pose and victory dance at the top. It was an amazing feel good place!

There is something about the film, which really speaks to people, with a powerful message of the importance of the underdog, the power of self belief, the motivation to keep going when the odds are against you. It is a timeless message- with pretty memorable music too!

I wish that Christians are as excited about their faith, as the tourists running up these steps were about Rocky! Throughout the bible, it speaks of the little person taking on the giant, of the weak taking on the strong, of the power of perseverance. The bible even uses the image of fighting for what is right, and not becoming weary. One of the most relevant verses is from Hebrews chapter 12 ‘ let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith’. This verse calls us to keep our spiritual running shoes on, and to persevere, focused on Jesus’ love and teaching. We are surrounded indeed, by a great cloud of witnesses, and their encouragement inspires us to keep going.

Gracious God, sometimes it is hard to keep going on our path, for our muscles ache, our hearts are sore, and we wonder how to keep going. Yet You see us when no one else does, and You lift up our heads, and give us strength. Lord Jesus, may we not be distracted to the left or to the right, but to see Your face, the author and perfector of our faith, so we can persevere, even against all odds. Holy spirit, give us the strength, energy and motivation, so we can finish the race well, and stand with gratitude and thanksgiving in Your wonderful presence, Amen