Lent- hope in the wilderness

Last week I was having a difficult day, and on a walk near a loch, I found this beautiful and early flower. Most of the tree was bare, with only a few buds, but this wee flower made me smile and brought me hope.

Lent is a desert time, when we remember that after Jesus’ baptism in the river Jordan, that the holy spirit then took him into the desert in Judea to be tempted in the wilderness for 40 days. After the purpose and blessing revealed and experienced in his baptism, Jesus was prepared for his ministry by a time of testing- Luke chapter 4:1-15.

There are times in our lives when we can really relate to that time of testing. Maybe we are despairing about something, or tempted to go down a path we know is wrong for us. Or it could be that we feel alone and vulnerable. Desert times test our love and our resolve.

My prayer for all of us in this period of Lent, is that we learn something that makes us stronger. Traditionally in Lent, we might think of goings to let go, excess chocolate or cakes or take away coffees! We can go deeper, to give up bad habits that take us away from God, too much social media scrolling, late night TV. We can ask God to help us let go of hurts, resentment and bitterness in our hearts.

Having let go, so we create space for God’s holy spirit to work. In the space, we might rededicate ourselves to prayer, or reading a gospel passage each day, or starting a prayer journal. We might commit to listening to praise music every day, or seeking to encourage and bless another person. We pray that somehow, even in the midst of the deepest struggles, God brings transformation to our lives. Then perhaps, there can be a flowering, even in the most unexpected of places.

‘The desert will rejoice, and flowers will bloom in the wastelands’ Isaiah 35:1

Gracious God, we confess that being in the desert is not something we enjoy. We hear the cry of wild beasts, and we are tempted and distracted and we get scared. Yet You, Lord Jesus, are with us, and you model how to stay close to God, by prayer and meditating on Your Word.

Whatever our struggles are, may we cry to You for help, and wait for your reply. May our eyes be fixed on You. Calm our overthinking and terrified imagining. May we know that You are near Lird Jesus, and find solace in the presence of your holy spirit, still guiding our path. And somewhere in the darkness of suffering, may there be new buds of faith, and flowerings of love, in Jesus name, Amen.

The straw that breaks the camel’s back……

Sometimes when you go on holiday, and then come back, things have accumulated in your in-tray, in your email, in fact everywhere. There is a list of things to do, that can seem unending.

When we feel overwhelmed, we can often work out a coping strategy, and work out a plan. But then one additional thing comes in- it can just be small, can look very insignificant, but it is just one thing too many. It could be a plea for toilet rolls, a reminder of something undone, or a ‘ I know you’re busy but…….’ kind of request. And then it feels unmanageable, just like the mountain of stuff to do has become too great, and that it’s about to collapse on your head!

Life these days is so much more complicated than it was pre covid. People have changed- they are exhausted from continual adaption, from illness and stress, anxiety and financial worries. So everytime we go to do something, there can be unexpected complications. It can weary the soul.

I remember some one said ‘how do you cut up an elephant?’ And the answer is ‘ one piece at a time’. Now to be clear, I don’t want to cut up elephants, or indeed any living creature! But I have found the principle to be invaluable, when you have lots to do, just start with a little tiny bit, and that in itself makes a difference. Just one step, takes you forward.

I love too that I can always come to God, and share my worries with Him, and that He never turns me away. It is such a privilege. I can come ranting about whatever has gone wrong, unable to see a constructive way forward, and He lets me pour out my heart to Him. He listens with loving kindness, and I find a new strength, and see different possibilities that might work. I am blessed, even in the most tumultuous of times.

In psalm 62 verse 8, the psalmist says ‘ o my people, trust in God at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is your refuge’

Gracious God, sometimes we try so hard to follow You, to persevere, to do all we can, but it doesn’t seem enough, and little things going wrong annoy us so badly. Lord Jesus, forgive us when we become grumpy and have a short fuse. In our time of need, may we turn to You. Take the cares of the world from our shoulders, and help us bring our worries to You in prayer. Set us free through your spirit. Help us to regain perspective, to find inspiration to find a new and better way forward, taking a deep breath, and trusting more fully in You. In your mercy, hear our prayer, Amen

Moments of Exquisite beauty!

View from former East German television tower

Travelling is good for my soul. It reminds me of the wider world, and puts things in perspective. It expands my horizons, and revives me as I learn and meet people, and have adventures. I feel so blessed.

Visiting Berlin has been an important thing to do for a number of reasons. I used to study post second world war international relations, and so actually being in Berlin, and visiting Check Point Charlie, and being able to picture the various sectors and seeing where the wall was built in 1961 has deepened my understanding of what took place. Reading the accounts of different individuals has brought everything to life.

The second reason that this visit has been so important is that I had booked to visit Berlin five years ago, when my husband took unwell, so I had to cancel. Being able to visit just now, feels like some kind of sense of completion.

There has been so much more to Berlin than I had imagined. It feels like a city looking for redemption, trying to come to terms with its past. Everywhere you go, there is also building work, and there is a momentum towards building a better future. The architecture of the city is so diverse, old Prussian stone buildings, monolithic flats in the former East German sector, and incredible new modern glass domes and futuristic shapes and forms.

I have been doing a massive amount of walking in the last few days. At times it has poured with rain, buses have been late, I have got lost, and my few words of German have turned out to be massively inadequate.

Yet in the midst of this, there have been moments of exquisite beauty, when God has placed me in the right place at the right time, and blessed me beyond measure. I just happened to be at the TV tower, without a ticket, just at the right time when the queue wasn’t too long, and when the sun was setting over Berlin. It was a gorgeous sight, which moved my soul, and I prayed for continued healing and reconciliation for the city, and for inspiration and strength for the churches here. Just a small prayer, yet it felt divinely inspired. I hope every prayer makes a difference, not just for Berlin, but for all of us.

Gracious God, thankyou for the reminder that You love everyone in every nation, and that You show such infinite love and compassion. Lord Jesus, you see all that has taken place, all the cruelty and division in our world, and You weep, just as You wept over Jerusalem. Forgive us our sins we pray, for we are all guilty. By your holy spirit, grant us moments of inspiration and deep gratitude , so that we can pray for unity, for stories to be heard, and for the dignity of all to be respected. May tears even at the top of a television tower, bring healing grace for all who carry unspoken pain from the past. Help us to see our cities through your eyes, and to ask even yet for a river of healing and peace to flow, for Jesus’ sake, Amen.

One thing too many……

Despite my best efforts, my life still seems to have too much stuff! I am trying to let it go, and to have better daily habits, but my confession is that a few books have sneaked into the house recently. I can’t imagine how that happened….

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been reflecting on the stuff that seems to have engulfed us emotionally too, as we struggle to cope with the consequences of the pandemic. We have got into habits of not going out so much and of being more fearful and self contained. And there is so much anxiety and frustration in our society just now, we oscillate between overconfidence and withdrawal, quietness and agitation. For many people, when something goes wrong it is one thing too many, whether it is the bus that pulls out in front of you, or the person who is rude, or being kept on hold for an hour, trying to pay a bill. We live in an anxious age.

I love that Jesus said ‘ come to me all you who are weary and carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your soul.’ Matthew 11: 28-9

We are carrying so much- the scars from the pandemic, the stresses of economic and political instability, personal burdens, and worry and concern about where we are going as a world community. It is too much to bear.

Yet Jesus invites us to turn to Him, to lay our burdens at the foot of the cross, and to find rest. He takes our worries from us, and calls us to trust Him, and to just be still. He wants us to have rest for our souls, a deep peace, that passes all understanding. When we have prayed, and tried all the things we can think of, and given it all we have, and it doesn’t seem to be working, we just need to come to Jesus, and rest and wait. For He is humble and gentle, and will bring restoration to our souls.

Gracious and Loving God, we cry to you from a wounded and conflicted world, where everything seems discordant and there is so much confusion and pain. In these days, even a little thing can become one thing too many. Lord Jesus, have mercy on us. Help us not to keep trying to solve things by ourselves, but just to come and tell you of our woes and ask for your guidance. Holy spirit, reveal to us the wisdom of our Heavenly Father, so our lives might be more centred and graced. And meantime, may we draw near to you, and find that healing and rest which we crave do badly in the presence of our merciful abba Father. Bring restoration and renewal we pray, Amen.

Binge tv- the pros and cons!

In the depth of winter, binge watching TV is so tempting. When it is cold, wet and dark outside, you want to stay in and forget, and so watching a wee programme feels so comforting. And somehow you just keep going…..

Confession- I have been watching ‘New Amsterdam’, a hospital drama which has great characters and storylines. There are insights into what leadership looks like, as well as many complex pastoral situations. It can be quite mesmerising.

However, I am very conscious of the downside of it all too. Firstly, we need to have a certain discernment about what we watch. If we are feeling a little fragile, then watching something disturbing can keep us apart at night. Some of the darker series can be addictive but unsettling too, and have a really negative impact.

The other thing is that by watching too much TV, we actually are in danger of not living in the real world, but instead living through the lives of the characters we watch. They become our family, and we get so embroiled in what happens to them, that we feel as if we know them, and that they have become real to us.

There are times when binge watching something is helpful, in the holidays, or when we are looking for a distraction from illness or grief. These series can be a welcome distraction, and help pass the time. Some series are so well written, they are modern masterpieces, and tell a story so well.

However, I know I need to be careful. I need to learn to know when to turn the TV off, and be courageous to live in the real world. It is not as safe as being an observer, but it is what we are called to do, when we are ready.

In Psalm 90, verse 12 it says ‘ Teach us to count the number of our days, so that we may gain a wisdom of the heart.’ We only live a finite life on this earth, although an eternal one with God. We need times to relax and do very little. Yet we are called to use our time wisely, and to be purposeful. I don’t think I want some one doing a eulogy at my funeral saying that she was good at watching TV! I think I need a bit more variety somehow.

Gracious God, I thank you for the precious gift of life, to wake up each morning, to live in your love, and to show that love to others. Lord Jesus, sometimes I need to rest, to find restoration, even to watch TV, just to unwind. However help me to have healthy boundaries in my life, so that I can live life in all its fullness. Holy spirit, please may my rest bring renewal and inspiration, so I can live more purposefully for You, and to love and to bless others. Help me I pray, in Jesus’ name Amen.

Courage to speak!

I am deeply thankful for my life. That doesn’t mean that everything has gone smoothly, or I don’t have any questions. Life has often been painful, confusing, and dark. But in the midst of the obscurity and shadows, God has lifted me up, brought me forgiveness, has helped me endure, healed me and given me hope. In many ways, I have learned what is important though these experiences.

For me after my husband’s death, I was asking God to help me make any sense of it all, and He helped me tell his story as a veteran who had intractable epilepsy and trauma. He enabled me to write ‘ Love song for a wounded warrior’ and to tell something of his story, so he wouldn’t be forgotten. It was such a big step, to speak into the silence, to place letters on a pristine white page, and then to wait….

Then, later on, I wanted to share something of my story of healing and on going recovery. I found my anchor in H Nouwen’s ‘The wounded healer’ and wanted to share different ways that Christ’s healing love helped to heal my wounds of grief and loss with the salve of Gilead, to help me work through trauma, and to reconstruct my identity after being a carer for so many years. And so I wrote a second book ‘ Love songs for healing and hope’ . It is composed of a collection of these blogs, some beautiful insights from friends, and some pastoral resources.

I am so grateful to share this book ‘ Love songs for healing and hope’. It costs £15, and all proceeds are split between two amazing charities Richmond Hope and Quiet Waters. I would like to raise more money for these charities. So far, £1400 has been raised, and I am so grateful. If you would like to order a copy, please contact woundedwarriorfg@gmail.com Please also share this information!

My experiences have reminded me how important it is that everyone gets an opportunity to tell their story. It has made me a more attentive listener. It has helped me see things differently, and to marvel at the gift of life, and to cherish it. My thanksgiving enables me to be more purposeful and more appreciative. I have so much still to learn, and I want to thank you for sharing my journey, and to take this opportunity to thank you for your prayers and support. May we continue to support, love and pray for one another, as we seek to heal.

Creator God, You spoke, and everything came into being, the moon and the stars, the vastness of galaxies, made out of a swirl of tiny atoms. Lord Jesus, You are the Word of God made flesh, and we see the powerful way You communicated the very essence and goodness of God. Thankyou that You give humanity the gift of communication, to reveal, to comfort, to challenge, to inspire. Holy spirit give us all courage to speak, and the wisdom to know when we should be silent. Help us to use words well, to bless others, and to share Your magnificent and healing love with all. Amen.

Flooded by love!

This month has been so wet and dark. The rain never ceases for more than a few minutes, and there is flooding everywhere, puddles are deep, roads are blocked, some houses are underwater. It feels a little dismal. Scotland is so wet!

I try to turn this around in my mind, by imagining that this is floods of love. That seems to be what the world needs so badly. We are so damaged, people hurting and under strain, systems under pressure, economic injustice, climate change,conflict and heartbreak. There is so much wrong.

So the world needs love, and not any love, but the strong, vibrant and beautiful love of God. God longs to see people set free, sins forgiven, for the world healed. But His love can only flow through people who accept it, who say yes, who will surrender to the light and goodness of Christ. If we live for ourselves alone, we block the purposes of God, and the brokenness gets deeper, and the pain more palpable.

I remember the words of the old hymn ‘there’s a wideness in God’ s mercy, like the wideness of the sea, there’s a kindness in his justice, which is more than liberty.’

There is an image here of water, of the waters of the sea, but that God’s mercy is somehow greater. As human beings we have messed up our world, our enviroment, our society, our relationships. We are so shortsighted and selfish. Yet in Christ, God looks at us with compassion, and longs to gather us back, cleansed, forgiven and restored.

May the floods of God’s love cascade through this world, cleansing, restoring, replenishing us. May the prodigals come home into the welcoming embrace of the Father. May the love of Christ melt even the hardest of hearts. May the holy spirit reveal the light and perfection of God, so all may delight to worship and surrender to God. This world needs God so badly, and He offers His love so freely. May we have the courage to respond.

Creator God, you created this world and her people to live in harmony, but we spoiled this by following our own will, rather than looking to You. We have caused so much damage and hurt. Please forgive us, because of the love of Christ, and have mercy upon us. Flood our souls with your love, sweep away the debris, heal and revitalise us, and by your spirit, may your love heal our lives, our families and our communities. We plead with you this day, help us to he open to your love, your will and ways, Amen.

God’s heart…….

This is such a reflective time of year- a time to think about what really matters, about what is important. We often have new year resolutions and ideas of how to change our habits, and these things themselves can be good.

For me, I have been asking God to show me what I need most of all at this time, and he has reminded me that I need to know, trust and feel that God’s heart for the world is full of love.

I can know that God’s heart is full of love and goodness as I read different bible passages. In Romans chapter 5, I am reminded that God shows His love for us through the death of Jesus His Son. For some one to give their life for my sake is extraordinary, never mind the Son of God. Because of his death, and the cleansing and forgiveness He brings, I can ask God to cleanse my heart and restore a steadfast spirit within me. I know that God’s love is powerful, merciful and open to forgive.

I also trust in God’s promises and His love. This is more tricky, because life is tough- we go through disappointment, illness, trauma and bereavement. I have to choose to keep trusting, even when I feel forgotten or life doesn’t make any sense. The verses from Proverbs 4 resonate: ‘ ‘Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life’. The temptation is to become bitter or to quietly give up. God calls us to look to Him, and see that His love is unchanging, slow to become angry and full of mercy. This steady self giving love heals our brokenness, and rekindles our trust.

I need to feel God’s love too. I know that feelings can come and go, and not to rely on them entirely. But I am probably my best self, when I live close to the Father’s heart. God’s heart of love melts my heart of stone, and makes it tender. His Holy spirit ministers to me, helps me forgive, gives me strength to start again, and inspires me.

I love worship songs sbout God’s heart. Remember the old Graham Kendrick song ‘ Teach me to dance to the beat of your heart,’ or Zach Williams’ There’s only love in the heart of the God’ or Tell your heart to beat again’ by Danny Gokely. Sometimes music speaks to our souls in a profound way.

For all of us, if our heart can beat to the heartbeat of God, everything else will flow from this. What more can we ask.

Gracious God, we are so delighted that you reveal the Father’s heart though Your Son Jesus Christ. In Him, we see your goodness and grace, your wisdom and beauty, and we bow down with humility and wonder. We know our hearts are so easily polluted with envy and greed, with pride and selfishness. Please cleanse us by your spirit, and bring renewal so we might have pure hearts, and be able to see Your hand at work once more in this world. May we not become weighed down by cynicism or negativity, but be open and receptive to see that You are doing a new thing. May we know Your love, may we trust You, may we receive your love and mercy very personally in our lives. Heal us, bring renewal, and then may the Father’s heart of love radiate through our lives, and touch all those we meet, for his is His will, Amen.

A naked tree!

At the turn of the year, there is often a time of reflection, mulling over the year passed, and considering the possibilities for the year ahead.

Christmas and the holidays, give us time to be honest about what is going on, and how we are feeling, and so it can feel like a bit of a vulnerable time. We recognise home truths we have tried to forget, and we can wrestle with things about ourselves that we don’t like.

I am fortunate to live opposite a park, and so I often gaze at these trees. They are full of life in spring, but in winter their branches are bare and they look exposed to the elements.

I have learned to do the Ignatian examen, not just for my days, but for months and years. I look back over the year with God, and ask that he reveal to me not just my struggles, but also things I can give thanks for. I am so grateful for this process, for by prayerfully reflecting, I notice where God has been at work, and this is more encouraging. It gives balance to my perspective, and reminds me more deeply of how God has blessed me, even if I didn’t see it at the time. I also notice things that God is inviting me to do differently in the future.

Whatever kind of year you have had, I pray you have some time to do some honest reflection. Sometimes it can be painful, yet there are also golden threads of God’s grace and encouragement which are so heartening, and can make us weep at the mercy of God.

I think of verse 18 in 1 Thessalonians 5 where it says ‘ be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus’.

I struggle sometimes to be thankful, I have so many questions as to why things are the way they are- abuse, bullying, conflict, violence seem all too prevalent in the world.

I also remember the words of Job 19, especially as they are sung in the Messiah ‘ I know that my Redeemer liveth”. I can hear these powerful words sung as a statement of faith, even when the world is falling apart. And somehow, I sing them too……

Gracious and Loving God, it can be hard to be honest, even with You, as we look at the year past, our fears, our struggles, our failures and our pain. We feel vulnerable and exposed. Yet Lord Jesus You look upon us with love, and you remind us that all has not been in vain. You lift us up from the pit, and You gently teach us more of Your ways. Through the cross, You have brought us forgiveness, and your spirit strengthens our souls. You offer us a place of safety to find healing, and then give us courage to keep walking, believing that somehow next year could be better. Thankyou for every evidence of your love and blessing in this world. Holy Spirit help us notice them, and to take heart. 🙏

Possibilities of peace…

I wonder how your Christmas 2022 is looking. It has been another topsy-turvy year, with so many changes in every aspect of life, whether the war in the Ukraine, or the rise in prices, economic pain and strikes. Financial pressures cause family strain too, and we seem to be adapting all the time. It can be overwhelming.

We put ourselves under pressure too, hoping for everything to go well over Christmas. We want the food to be good, presents to be right for that individual, for everyone to get on. But with the best will in the world, it just isn’t always like that.

Sometimes in the midst of it all, we just need to draw breath. We cannot make everything ok, but we can find peace in the Christmas message. That first Christmas was far from ideal, a long journey, no where to stay, giving birth amongst the animals. But all these things were nothing in comparison with the long awaited Messiah, the Son of God being born. Imagine hearing his first cry in the night, and knowing he was finally here. What a miracle, what joy and peace.

So in the midst of our stresses and busyness, may we take a moment to breath, and to ask God to fill us with His peace, the deep peace that comes from.the Prince of Peace, and then we know that all will be well.

Gracious Father, You sent Your precious Son into this world, to rescue us from sin and darkness, to bring us into your wonderful kingdom of light and love.

We are often restless and stressed, trying to do too much over Christmas. Forgive us. May we let go of what is unimportant, and to focus on the good and the inspirational. Even though the empty chair brings much sadness, may we find courage. Help us pause, and to find peace.

Holy child, Jesus Christ, king of Kings, may your birth bring us a deep peace that can come only from the Prince of peace, the deep peace of the running wave and the flowing air, of the quiet earth and the shining stars. May the peace of the Christ child be in your hearts and homes this Christmas and always, Amen.