Melon makes me cry!

Recent weeks have been tricky. I love the season of Advent- the anticipation, the candles, the wonder, as we prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ with the world. It is such a beautiful time of the year, filled with hope and possibility.

However it is also so very poignant. It is difficult not to look back and remember past Christmases, and remember those no longer with you. I am at an age where my Christmas card list has shrunk, because a number of my friends are no longer here. And the number of empty places at the table has meant that a table is barely required.

Melon makes me cry, because my mum loved melon. After her surgeries 8 years ago, she was often thirsty, and when she had melon, her whole face lit up, and she enjoyed it so much. I so enjoyed buying her melon.

Now I see melon in the supermarket, and I am all ready to put it in my basket, and then stop. My mum passed away in September, and she doesn’t need melon anymore. My emotional muscle memory wants to keep buying it though, and is just a strand of the sharp pain of loss. For the newly bereaved, so many things make us cry.

Advent is still a wonderful time, and we are reminded that Jesus is our Emmanuel, the God who is with us. He understands our grief, and we do not need to pretend with him. The light of the candle flame is more meaningful when you have sat in deep darkness.

Intellectually, I understand that this will eventually become a time of forming new traditions and possibilities. But right now, I just need space to sit in the darkness. I have found with emotional pain, my body often reflects that, and so three weeks ago my shoulder started to hurt. After seeing my wonderful osteopath and a physio it is getting better, but the pain of my shoulder seemed to somehow embody the pain of my heart. I so admire people who manage to live well with chronic pain, because for me even just some physical pain for a short time, I have found exhausting and debilitating.

In psalm 147:3 it says: God heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds’. For people whose hearts are sore at Christmas, we are reminded that we have a Saviour who cares, who came to offer salvation to all, forgiveness, love and a new beginning. It doesn’t happen overnight, for healing is gradual, messy and chaotic, but even the possibility of healing, the idea that the pain might ease, and peace come, brings hope.

Gracious and Eternal God, under the shadow of your wings, comes shelter and healing. For all who are sore, whose dreams are shattered, may they find healing nestling in your arms of love. Lord Jesus, Babe of Bethlehem, you weep over the pain and heartbreak of many, whose lives are upside down, who despair and cry out to You. Emmanuel come to us, to all who cry out to You, and may Your presence enable tears of pain to be transformed to tears of relief and thanksgiving. Holy spirit, thankyou that we are never alone, that You hold us in these in between shadow times, until we find courage to re-emerge into the world once more. Meantime, may the prayers and encouragement of family and friends bring blessing and even peace, Amen.

A vision of harmony!

I have been so blessed to have had some time out with family in a sunny place. I realise how very much I have missed opportunities just to rest and be, in a warm climate.

I have especially enjoyed the light here, the amazing variety of colours in the sunsets, and last night the moon reflecting its silver glow across the expanse of the ocean. The bright luminous path in the sea in the starry night was wondrous.

(not my picture, but this was the idea!)

The ripples of light in the water, as I have been swimming, have also been mesmerising. I have felt harmonious with the water and the air, as new patterns and ripples appear in a pool, or you become one with the rhythms of the waves in the sea.

The wonder of these experiences have been so good for my soul. For a short while I have put to one side images of conflict, poverty and distress, and I feel at peace with nature, and the Creator of all things. It has reminded me of my desire to be in harmony with God, to be at one with Christ, to just rest in God’s love.

I used to think that this was selfish, but now I understand that these moments of connection refresh my soul, for the days ahead. Finding time to refuel in the pandemic was strangely difficult, because although there was more time, at times I had to fight a sense of claustrophobia and sadness. I think for many people, the pandemic left us all more isolated, and not able to process our grief in community. So being able to travel has reminded me of that sense of freedom and space and connection.

Ultimately, one of the most beautiful Bible passages about harmony is in Revelation 22:1-3

‘The angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb, down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing 12 crops of fruit. And the leaves of the trees are for the healing of the nations.’

I love John’s vision of the future, where people are with God, full of praise and worship. It seems no surprise that there is water, clear as crystal, at the centre of the city, bringing healing and beauty and life to all, for the leaves of the trees are to bringing healing to the nations. That spiritual refreshment offers possibilities of transformation for all. Vision such as this brings us strength and hope for the journey ahead.

Gracious God, our Creator, You have created a world of intricate patterns of light and shade, and of jaw dropping moments of revelation and connection. We worship You, grateful for possibilities of harmony, when the lion and the lamb lie down together. Lord Jesus, in You all things are held together, as the forgiveness You offer through the cross, brings an invitation to reconciliation for all. There are times in this life when pride, grief and violence seem overwhelming. But when we look to You, you remind us of the truth of who You are, and we are reassured and find peace. Through your holy spirit, inspire us to work towards healing and harmony even amongst the brokenness, and grant us a clarity of vision to energise us each day, Amen.

More bridges- bridges of connection.

I have been reflecting a lot recently on different ways to connect. In my last blog, I was thinking of the importance of listening and prayerfully making space, but there is so much more to connection.

There are qualities that make deeper connection more possible, openness, love, empathy, compassion. People have such different life experiences, incredibly varied ways of thinking, different priorities, that we need many ways of relating to others.

I was privileged to be a chaplain in a special educational needs school, and I learned so much about different types of communication, whether it was makaton, dancing or using all the senses. I loved it, and felt at home, as we were all being and learning together.

In this time of lockdown, I worry that so many are becoming isolated, and we are forgetting how to communicate. For many people they have lost their confidence, their ability to relate. And for people who have experienced trauma and sadness, this is intensified.

And so I think we need to build many types of bridges of love and connectivity. I have been reading about ‘trauma informed’ care often spoken about in education and in medical settings, about helping people to feel safe, to be gentle, to give options, to explain things well, to promote healing and empowerment.

When I hear of this, it seems as natural as breathing. Why haven’t we been doing this all the time? And what does it mean for our society, and also in a spiritual dimension. We talk of churches as places of sanctuary, places of safety and healing, but how often is this really the case?

As we start to think a little more about the future, how can we promote healing to a society stressed out and anxious after lockdown, traumatised by experiences of suffering and grief? We need to offer a wide variety of ways to enable people to connect and experience safety and love.

I started to think about many of these themes, because of my late husband’s ptsd symptoms and brain injury. And I think how we support individuals, and how we operate as a society, says so much about who we are. We have a choice to pursue divisive and negative rhetoric, or a language that uplifts and offers opportunity for safe self expression.

It says in 1 John 4:19 ‘we love because He first loved us.’ God revealed the full extent of His love in Jesus, how he challenged corruption, loved the person on the road side, healed the sick. How can we continue that kind of work today, as it has never seemed more important?

Let us pray, Gracious God, so many are tired and stressed, lonely and traumatised. Yet You look upon us with tender mercy, and long to pour out your healing balm. Forgive us Lord Jesus, that we are so rigid and narrow in our form of communication, where we often judge others, rather than appreciate their difference. Enlarge our minds and our hearts, through your holy spirit, to connect with others with empathy, with creativity, so we can build bridges of acceptance and love with others, Amen.