Cultivating gratitude!

At the moment, I feel deeply grateful for God’s faithfulness to me, grounded in gratitude. Maybe it is just being on holiday- that has had an impact! But having some space, has also given me time to reflect. And I have sense of God’s great faithfulness to me.

As I look back over my life, I have been blessed. Much has been challenging, painful and deeply wounding. I have often asked why God did you let that happen? The sufferings of my late husband often brought forth this question. He had such a tough time with a degenerative disability and difficult memories. He experienced so much anguish and damage, and that impacted everyone around him.

Yet in the midst of that questioning, God’s love never failed us as a family. We might have been bewildered, exhausted, walking on eggshells. But we also had moments of joy, laughter at ridiculous situations, and wonderful support from many of the people around us, family and friends.

It is realising the balance, that seems so important. The temptation is to dwell on the dark side, to let self pity and despair become uppermost. But God’s call to me is to keep looking for His hand at work, to notice His goodness and mercy. When I notice the acts of kindness each day, I choose to cultivate gratitude, and this changes everything.

At times, to be honest, it is a struggle. My experiences of care giving, trauma and grief are lasting. And this is where I have to say I have noticed the power of praying friends. People who have prayed for us consistently, and you just know the difference, when a verse stands out, when something comes together, when unexpectedly your mood lifts. So often, someone has been asking God to bless and guide me, and I am so moved. And this in turn inspires me to pray for others. There is a blanket of prayers around the world, through which God’s will is done, and His love reaches many. And His love can heal, forgive and transform all our lives.

And so today, I am deeply thankful. And when I am less sure- on the days that are frustrating and darker, I pray for the grace to cultivate gratitude, and give thanks for the prayers of others, that carry me forward.

I remember the verse from Colossians 2: 6-8 ” just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, rooted and built up in Him, continue in the faith as you were taught, overflowing with thankfulness.” Being rooted in God’s love, just helps us to find the strength and insight we need.

Merciful God, I admit to you that I struggle. I want to be thankful, but sometimes it is an effort, and I am discouraged by the pain and heartbreak in this life. Lord Jesus, on these days, may I look to You. You faced opposition, you were misunderstood and mocked, but Your love never faltered. Holy spirit, as a community teach us to hold one another in prayer, so when any of us has a bad day, we can find encouragement from each other. Break down the barriers of pride that prevent us asking for prayer. Help us to be more committed in praying for others, for you answer our prayers in amazing and life giving ways, so that more people can experience your powerful and life transforming love. And in the midst of it all, grant us a deep gratitude for each day that You grant us, Amen.

Soothed by the rhythm of the waves…..

I so enjoy travelling. I am over on a Mediterranean island just now, and today I went on a boat trip. The sun was hot, the sea calm and the views breathtaking.

I went swimming from the boat today, which is something I have not done before. And what I really noticed was how much the boat was moving. Just when you were trying to get to the ladder to get back on board, the boat rocked in the waves. It was a little tricky and not remotely elegant, as I tried to haul myself up the slippy ladder!

When the boat bobs up and down on the waves, it is so calming however. That movement seems like the rocking to sleep of a small child, a motion that feels familiar and relaxing.

I found a quotation from Richard Shuster, which explains the science ‘ as waves come in, crash and the recede again, the parasympathetic nervous system activates, which slows down the brain, and helps promote relaxation.’ That feeling of peace, is deeply present. I wonder too if there is a womb dimension, a deep memory of a place of safety and love from our first moments of existence.

In Psalm 42 verse 7 it says ‘ deep calls to deep, at the sound of your waterfalls, all your breakers and your waves have rolled over me.’ There is a sense in the sound of water, whether in a waterfall or in the movement of the sea, that God can speak to us, and give us that very experience of grace and love that we don’t even know we need.

In the midst of strident and turbulent times, we need moments just to connect with water, the sound of rhythmic waves bringing refreshment and relaxation, reminding us of the vastness of the world, and the eternal nature of God’s love flowing out to all people. In that moment, may we notice the beauty, be held secure in God’s love, and find deep peace for our souls.

Gracious God, sometimes we are on a treadmill of doing, busyness and disconnection. We feel numb, just trying to get the next thing done. Lord Jesus, help us to slow down, to breathe deeply, to know that You are on the boat with us, and that your balm of Gilead is poured over all that hurts and is discordant, and brings a healing calm. Holy spirit, when we feel far from You, grant us moments of deep union and connection with you, a rhythm which soothes and restores peace and harmony in our souls, Amen

At the airport!

I know that for many people who travel regularly, airports can seem very much the same, a bit boring and routine. There are lots of metallic chairs, booming and incomprehensible announcements, delayed flights and anxious people.

Yet another way of looking at it, is a group of people going on an adventure, and that each airport gate can open the way into a different world- to a Mediterranean island, to snowy mountains or a cosmopolitan city. Airports can be places of courage and of human connection.

The possibilities of journey are extraordinary, for we live on such a stunning world, of sea corals, of architectural wonders, of museums, and places of varied and diverse cultures and languages. There is so much to explore and to learn.

Sometimes it takes a bit of courage to travel- we don’t always know much about where we are going. But God goes before us, and in psalm 91 verse 11 it says:

‘He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways’

God doesn’t want us to live in fear, but to try new things, to try different paths, to go on new adventures. At airports, mixed with the apprehension, is also a buzz of excitement and energy, even hope. May we all have the strength, opportunity and motivation to go to new places, whether near or far, which will engage our imagination and curiosity.

Gracious God, your people were often travellers, whether in old testament times in the desert for 40 days, or in the new testament, sharing the good news of Jesus in villages and cities around the Mediterranean. Lord Jesus, please reveal to us what our calling is, and wherever we might be called to be, may we reflect something of your light and love. Holy spirit, give us eyes to notice the beauty in every person and place, and to be inspired by it. May travel be a blessing, which educates, enlarges our perspective, and deepens our appreciation of all You have given us, Amen

The irritant yields the pearl.

I have started a cleaning phase recently! This is quite unusual, but I think it needs perseverance. Cleaning helps things look so much better. You do have to tidy first, but that is another story……….

When cleaning, often I don’t get very far unless I use something that is abrasive. That can make such a difference to get something really shiny!

This reminded me of a darker part of the human story, that often it is through difficult experiences that our lives are shaped. We would give so much not to have these experiences, and yet they are universal.

In Isaiah 48 verse 10: the prophet says ‘ see I have refined you, but not as silver is refined, I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. ‘

The little bit of irritant in an oyster shell, can cause a pearl to be formed. A refining fire, can purify an object to make it shine like silver or gold. What is precious is often made at a cost.

Today feels like an emotional day, as it would have been our wedding anniversary. Even 5 years down the line, the waves of pain and sadness can be overwhelming, for all that has been lost and broken, then and in subsequent experiences. There can be so much cruelty in life.

My hope is that what I, and so many others, have learned, about God’s presence in the midst of the darkest days, hope in the midst of despair, finding unexpected strength in the midst of painful situations, can encourage others. You yearn for there to be a meaning or purpose which can help others to know that suffering is not forever. We pray to be better after painful experiences, to be more appreciative of what we have, to be more kind, to listen more deeply to the experiences of others, to find wisdom.

God of all the universe, when things are distressing and difficult, thank you that we are never alone in our suffering. Lord Jesus, You understand for You experienced injustice and sorrow. Yet even on the cross Your love never faltered. Even in the darkest and abrasive of experiences, may You shape us to be more like You. Holy spirit refine us in the midst of the fire, and somehow help us to shine for You. Do a miracle even in situations of unfathomable pain, that something of beauty might emerge. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

Open to learning new things!

This week I attended a conference on trauma. It wasn’t exactly what I expected, and I had to adapt my expectations a bit, but I kept engaged and open. It was a bit disconcerting, but in the midst of it all, I learned a new concept, and application, which has opened a whole new understanding for me. It is too early to explain, and I need to do some reading and study, but it has been revolutionary in its initial impact!

I feel so graced and humble, and I remember how important it is to be open to learning. Often we think we know all that is required, we are weary, and we are not wanting to challenge familiar assumptions. For me though, God always seems to want to help me see things through a different lens, and to grow in my understanding of life, and of the relevance of faith. The world is so vast, people so complicated and with such great potential, and there are so many things we can learn in order to be a more loving and wise presence.

The prophet Isaiah writes: ” Look I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up. Do you not perceive it? ” Isaiah 43: 19

Sometimes we are walking around with our eyes shut, hanging on to the familiar, and afraid of deviating from the past. Yet God often called his people to new things, whether Abram and Sarai, or Noah or Esther, or Peter and John, or Paul. There was always another twist in the road, a journey, a new thing to take on board.

As Christians, our lives are seldom boring. We cannot stay still, or like water we become stagnant. So we are called to follow Jesus, to be attentive disciples, open to learning, curious, and willing to integrate what we learn into our lives. Sometimes it is costly, sometimes it lifts us up. We need discernment and courage. May we always be open to taking that next step…….

Gracious Creator, You have fashioned the constellations, and our lives, to reflect Your glory. Sometimes we are weighed down by the cares of the world, and we lose our sense of wonder. Lord Jesus, cleanse from us the dirt and cloudiness from our glasses, our reluctance to change, and help us see this abundant and gorgeous world afresh. Holy spirit, soften our hearts, and make them tender to your leading, and whispers of love. Open our ears, give us a biddable spirit, and feet willing to travel hopefully on new and exciting paths, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Wild swimming- even getting ready is not so easy!

The good weather recently has brought me back to wild swimming. I still prefer a wetsuit for this, as the water in the loch can still be quite chilly.

For my first swim of the year, I got my wetsuit out. The first thing I noticed was that it was inside out! ( you can tell already I am not an expert). So I pulled it the right way round, and that helped.

Then I was trying to get into it. This was another slight problem. I got my first leg in ok, but the second was more problematic. It didn’t seem to fit very well, and there didn’t seem much ‘ give’. I thought I must have put on some weight, and was so disappointed at my struggles. It just didn’t look right.

Then I had a revelation- I had mistakenly put my leg into the arm of the wetsuit! No wonder it didn’t fit. ( my arms being different sizes from the legs, and not coming out of my shoulders). I tried to quietly disentangle myself, and get dressed. Eventually I was zipped in, and ready to go. Despite my mishaps, once I was in the water, it was glorious. Even the midges didn’t put me off. Seeing nature from the water is wonderful, as you feel so free!

The ability to laugh at ourselves seems essential to our survival. We often get things wrong, but just noticing what has happened, and having courage to try again, is all that is needed.

I love the idea that God looks upon us with love, and He wants to give us a second chance. In Isaiah 41: 13b He says ‘ Fear not, I will help you.’

In small things and big, God helps us get disentangled from the things that hold us back, and gives us a new start. We are so grateful. Even though my wild swimming preparations were more involved than I thought, when I saw what was happening, I could learn from it and put it right. We are not to be put off by setbacks, but to persevere, and to trust.

Gracious God, we start off so enthusiastically to do things, but so quickly we can end up in a fankle. Lord Jesus, please always give us insight and presence of mind to notice what has happened, and to approach things differently. Thankyou for the humour in life! Help us not to become scared, but to forgive ourselves for our failings. May we always keep trying, and be enabled to enjoy the fruit of our efforts, in this case a glorious swim. May your holy spirit always lead us to freedom and joy, in Jesus name, Amen.

A flower which has lost its petals.

Ever felt incomplete, that something has gone missing? We often go through difficult experiences, which make us feel crushed or bereft, that something has changed, and the world can never be the same again.

I took a photo of this flower, because it was growing through a crack in the concrete. I was amazed that it was there at all, as there was only a tiny gap. It must have been so strong to push through, and then to have nutrients to grow. It was imperfect, a bit bedraggled, without some of its petals, yet in the warmth of the sunshine, there it was.

In life, we can have mixed fortunes, times of blessing, and times of trial. We have questions when things go wrong, and wonder where God could possibly be? Can God really be good, and loving and powerful, when life can be cruel and disappointing? There is so much wrong in the world, conflict and war, hunger and poverty, abuse and exploitation- things that diminish and destroy.

When I look to Jesus’ words and life, death and resurrection, I see the fullness of the very nature of God. When people opposed him, and mocked him, and beat him, His light and dignity and love remained constant, and He did not change when under pressure. He stands in solidarity with those who are exploited or in pain or who feel bereft and hurting. God has given the human race freedom of choice, but how He must grieve over our pride and selfishness, our inhumanity and callous disregard for others.

And so we pray for all who feel broken or disheartened by life, who lament for things left behind, for things no longer as they were. We can feel incomplete and injured.

Yet I remember a verse from Philippians 1: 9 which is so encouraging: And this is my prayer, that your love may abound more and more, in knowledge and depth of insight”

Even when we are hurting and damaged, I pray that God’s love might be poured out into our lives, and refresh us like rain does a wilted plant, that we grow in our faith, in knowledge and with depth of insight. May we blossom, even in the most unexpected places. May obstacles become our teachers, so our roots might grow deeper in the love of God.

Creator God, the One who delights to bring about growth and new life, send refreshing and healing rain from heaven, which lifts up the bowed down, restores the broken, and enables new life for the weary. Lord Jesus, when we feel damaged and incomplete, remind us that You understand, and look upon us with tender mercy. Holy spirit, forgive our many failings, bring light into the darkest of places, cleanse our wounds and revive our souls, nurture all that is wholesome. May the light of your love, enable us to be open to learning, and to experience more of your grace, Amen

A mosaic made out of jagged pieces.

When I was in Berlin, I visited a beautiful church, where the themes of forgiveness healing and reconciliation were reflected in the fabric of the building itself. Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial church was bombed on 23rd November 1943, and lay in ruins.

In the 1950’s there was much debate as to what to do, and in the end they decided to incorporate the ruins into a new church ensemble. In the new building, the walls are made out of mosaics, broken pieces of glass formed into stunningly beautiful panels. The pieces are different shapes, often jagged in form, but come together to create something gorgeous.

This feels like a relevant and profound theme for our day. It feels that post pandemic, so much is shattered, the comfort of old ways of doing things, economic stability, familiar patterns, securites we used to take for granted. And for our lives, we often feel broken, health less strong, mourning lost loved ones, full of worries and anxieties, exhausted from constant change and challenge.

I have just come back from the General Asembly of the Church of Scotland, where they are navigating change and loss. Many ministers nearing retirement, difficult decisions re buildings, lamentation and loss, confusion as to how to make these almost impossible decisions. There is much pain and bewilderment and sadness.

I remember the words from psalm 34′ the Lord is close to the broken hearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit’. God sees all the pain and heartbreak people are going through, personally and institutionally, all the jagged edges and tear stained pillows.

Today is Pentecost, when we welcome the holy spirit, and we ask that He cleanse us, and shape us, and we are reminded that He makes all things new. On our knees, we pray that somehow out of the fragments of our lives, our mistakes and regrets, He would fashion something new and beautiful, something edifying and inspirational. Meanwhile we wait, we sit among the ashes and dust, and we trust that the holy spirit can touch and transform even our lives and situations.

Father God, there is so much heartache and sadness, and the broken fragments of our lives are pointed and sore. As they said on the Emmaus road, we had hoped…….. Lord Jesus, You know what discouragement and pain look like, yet Your love never falters. Today, may your Holy spirit come into our lives, and do a new thing. You tenderly pick up the pieces of our lives, and craft them into something of value and meaning. You remind us of the truth and freedom that only Your spirit can bring. Today, this Pentecost weekend, speak to our souls, heal us, pour out Your love, energise us to love, whatever the cost. May Your light shine though our lives, bringing a rainbow of grace and compassion for all. Bring renewal to your people, in Jesus name, Amen.

The story of a dog and a sofa!

Before I start my story, I want to tell you that I have a marvellous dog. He has been rehomed, and he is a character! In recent months, he has been experimenting with his claws on my sofa. He doesn’t mean anything by it, but the duct tape to repair it has become less effective. And then one day, it looked like this!

It was a very old sofa, over 20 years, and past its best. I decided it was not salvageable, and that I need to let it and the two chairs go………

What happened next was a surprise however, for the room seemed much bigger. With a little help, I moved the furniture about, and repositioned things, got two lighter chairs, and actually the room is so much better- less cluttered and heavy, and more spacious! It has been transformed.

My dog has taught me the gift of letting go. By taking the sofa and matching chairs to the dump, I made space for something new, which feels like a lighter and more flexible space.

I always love Ecclesiastes chapter three, that there is a time for everything under the sun, and in verse 6 it says ‘ there is a time to keep, and a time to throw away.’ As our lives go on, there is a time to hold on to stuff from the past, but also a time to let go of some things, to make space for the new. It is a difficult discernment, and is always evolving, but the symbolism seems potent. May we all recognise what needs to be put to one side, to make space for God to do a new thing.

Gracious God, there is a rhythm to life, and so many different seasons. There is eternity in each one, yet paradoxically they go by so fast. Childhood, adulthood, perhaps parenting, and then dependency once more. Lord Jesus, you are the same yesterday, today and forever, and you accompany us in every stage, and bring meaning and significance. Sometimes we want to tarry where we are comfortable, but your spirit stirs us up, and leads us forward, enabling us to let go, and making space for something new, like eagles out of a nest. Thank you, that You speak to our hearts in so many ways, and gently lead us, so we might learn to fly. Give us courage to see new possibilities, and to embrace them, Amen.

Getting off the merry-go-round!

Life can just go by so quickly. There is so much to do, phone calls to make, deadlines to meet. It can feel so very busy, that we cannot catch our breath. Modern life can feel so pressured.

Recently, I have so enjoyed having time off, with some beautiful friends, beach walks, gorgeous food, catching up, trying to put the world to rights. Just being, is such a relief, enjoying slower rhythms of life, that seem so much more healthy and natural.

So the question is, how to integrate these patterns into daily life after times of holiday? It could be a walk before work, a new devotional routine, more intentional self care, time to listen to music. Once we have time out, we want to keep something of that peace, once back at work. We might intentionally focus on an inspiring book.or podcast, and have an hour of reading and reflection. It could be spending time with the psalms, or listening to God, and reorientating ourselves about our purpose. These times are central to our wellbeing, and nurture our souls.

Taking time that time to reflect, to pause, to gain perspective on our lives, and to take stock, is core for our personal journey. We see our lives more clearly, the things to celebrate, and the things that are bothering us. We then notice the things that we want to embrace, and the things to let go. We pray for the ability to trust, to listen, and find guidance for the road ahead. I remember the verse in Isaiah ‘I will keep in perfect peace, those whose mind is steadfast because they trust in You.’ Isaiah 26: 3 – whatever our circumstances are, may we be steadfast in our devotion to our Lord, and have times of stillness, and of prayerful reflection, and find peace.

Eternal Father, forgive us that at times we move too fast, our thoughts race, we feel overwhelmed. Help us have regular times to pray, to worship, to learn, space to think and to ponder. Lord Jesus, you often withdrew from the crowds, to spend time with your heavenly Father. May we also learn from this pattern. Help us not to feel guilty when we don’t connect with you in the way we would wish, when our prayer life seems dry, or we are unsettled. Help us to set aside time to be with You, to trust more deeply in your good purposes for our lives. Every day is a fresh start, so today, we surrender our lives to You, may we hear your voice of love, find your peace, and pray that Your will be done.