Dark clouds and shards of light!

The weather has been so unpredictable recently. Patches of sunshine, monsoon rains and then stormy. We see evidence of the beginning of global warming every day.

Sometimes we know that there are dark clouds on the horizon. They can seem threatening, even menacing. We wonder how to endure.

Yet there are often shards of light breaking through the clouds. They are breathtakingly beautiful and inspiring. It is as if God wants to remind us that the darkness will not last forever, and indeed that there is light to come. Somewhere beyond the dark and gloomy skies, there is still sunshine.

I love the verse from John chapter 1 verse 5: ‘the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness never overcomes it.’ Jesus is our light, and His light always shines brightly. Even when the darkness is upon us, it is only temporary, a momentary blip in the eternal story.

A question that can be helpful to ask, is where do we notice the light in our lives? My Christian faith brings me light, reconnecting with friends from the past, acts of kindness and thoughtfulness, the beauty of a landscape, worship music – they can all console and inspire, but we all have different things that bring illumination. We are so very grateful for these, for they sustain us on bleak or dreary days.

Gracious God, You are the Giver of light and the Source of love, and we thank you that in our Saviour Jesus Christ, You guide and inspire and bless our lives. At times we are fearful of the future, and we cower at the noise of the thunder and impending storm. But you bring us to a place of shelter, and remind us that after the darkness of night, comes the beautiful soft light of the eternal dawn, so there is nothing to fear, for we are just called to place our hand in Yours, and You are worthy of our trust. Holy spirit, may we always notice the fragments of light, so we may find our way, and find a path of hope, both now and forevermore, Amen

Changing my car!

Recently I changed my car. It sounds deceptively simple. It was not. Technically it is difficult, working out how to sell the old car, how to choose another one. I think about colour, whilst another family member assures me the engine is quite important too! You are trying to find things, like the parcel shelf of the old car, which somehow was stored at the back of the garage! You try to take all the clutter out of the car, to make it look its best to sell.

But there is such an emotional side to it too. The car I was selling, I had had for over 4 years. It had been a fantastic wee car. It was beautiful to drive, bringing freedom on open roads, and singing mechanical melodies. It has taken me on holidays all over Scotland, a patient companion in traffic jams, a source of so many trips, especially with my mum. When I think of this car, I have many beautiful memories.

Saying farewell to my car, has been strangely painful. I know it is just an ‘ object but somehow it had its own character, and it felt like a familiar friend. I hope its next owner appreciates it as much as I did.

I am getting to know my new car ( which ironically is older than the first). It also drives well – so far- and has some lovely features. But at the moment, there is a little part of me that still hankers after the old.

Life seems like this- the only constant is change, and whilst change can be liberating, too much change can also be exhausting. We appreciate new opportunities, but wish the past could stay with us forever. I guess it does in our memories and in our hearts, and that is enough.

We know that Jesus is the same, yesterday, today and forever ( Hebrews 13:8), and we know God’s love is consistent and unchanging. This helps us and keeps us grounded, as we navigate the changes in this transient universe.

Eternal Father, You are beyond time, so You know the end from the beginning, and Your love is constant. As mortals, we have a short timespan, and want to appreciate every good gift. Lord Jesus, whilst we treasure the past, may we not fear change, but be grateful for new possibilities. Holy spirit help us to appreciate every moment of our lives, and to use them for good. In Jesus name, Amen.

Constructive self talk!

Last week, I had one of those in between days. I had lots of chores to catch up on, and I had a cold, and things went wrong, and nothing was where it should be. Ever had a day like that? It wasn’t even a day for writing, just a day of everything feeling slightly off.

The problem with days like this, is that it is easy to spiral into negative talk. Why is this so difficult, why am I not stronger? Why is nothing going forward? It can be very bleak.

At times like these, we have to make a choice. Do we keep going with the ‘ I am not equipped to do this, I am not good enough’ internal dialogue, or can I turn it round into this is a low moment when I am not feeling well, it will get better. We need to decide to hope.

The bible really helps for it reminds me that we are all loved by God. and are precious to Him – in 1 John 3:1 it says ‘ see what great love God has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God.’ And this truth can set us free, when we are struggling. I might feel down, I might doubt my abilities, but I am loved by God, one of His children, and He is watching over me. This gives me strength and hope.

There is a beautiful song by the singer Laura Daigle called ‘ You say’ and in the lyrics it says: You say I am loved when I don’t feel a thing, You say I am strong when I think I am weak, and You say I am held when I am falling short, And when I don’t belong, You say I am yours.’

When we feel weak or inadequate, God reminds us that He sees us, and that we are precious in His sight. He speaks words of affirmation to our soul, and His truth brings liberation. And our self talk changes from negative to hopeful, from destructive to constructive. And things don’t change overnight, but gradually God’s truth gives us courage, and we find strength to start again each day.

Gracious God, sometimes we have dark days, when things go wrong and we are full of self doubt. It is easy to blame ourselves for what goes wrong. Thankyou Lord Jesus that you remind us that we are loved, that You know us so well You know even the number of hairs on our heads, the words we speak before they come out our mouths. Holy spirit challenge our negative self talk, and help us to see ourselves though your eyes. Heal our souls, rebuild our self esteem, and enable us to live in positivity and freedom.

Cultivating gratitude!

At the moment, I feel deeply grateful for God’s faithfulness to me, grounded in gratitude. Maybe it is just being on holiday- that has had an impact! But having some space, has also given me time to reflect. And I have sense of God’s great faithfulness to me.

As I look back over my life, I have been blessed. Much has been challenging, painful and deeply wounding. I have often asked why God did you let that happen? The sufferings of my late husband often brought forth this question. He had such a tough time with a degenerative disability and difficult memories. He experienced so much anguish and damage, and that impacted everyone around him.

Yet in the midst of that questioning, God’s love never failed us as a family. We might have been bewildered, exhausted, walking on eggshells. But we also had moments of joy, laughter at ridiculous situations, and wonderful support from many of the people around us, family and friends.

It is realising the balance, that seems so important. The temptation is to dwell on the dark side, to let self pity and despair become uppermost. But God’s call to me is to keep looking for His hand at work, to notice His goodness and mercy. When I notice the acts of kindness each day, I choose to cultivate gratitude, and this changes everything.

At times, to be honest, it is a struggle. My experiences of care giving, trauma and grief are lasting. And this is where I have to say I have noticed the power of praying friends. People who have prayed for us consistently, and you just know the difference, when a verse stands out, when something comes together, when unexpectedly your mood lifts. So often, someone has been asking God to bless and guide me, and I am so moved. And this in turn inspires me to pray for others. There is a blanket of prayers around the world, through which God’s will is done, and His love reaches many. And His love can heal, forgive and transform all our lives.

And so today, I am deeply thankful. And when I am less sure- on the days that are frustrating and darker, I pray for the grace to cultivate gratitude, and give thanks for the prayers of others, that carry me forward.

I remember the verse from Colossians 2: 6-8 ” just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, rooted and built up in Him, continue in the faith as you were taught, overflowing with thankfulness.” Being rooted in God’s love, just helps us to find the strength and insight we need.

Merciful God, I admit to you that I struggle. I want to be thankful, but sometimes it is an effort, and I am discouraged by the pain and heartbreak in this life. Lord Jesus, on these days, may I look to You. You faced opposition, you were misunderstood and mocked, but Your love never faltered. Holy spirit, as a community teach us to hold one another in prayer, so when any of us has a bad day, we can find encouragement from each other. Break down the barriers of pride that prevent us asking for prayer. Help us to be more committed in praying for others, for you answer our prayers in amazing and life giving ways, so that more people can experience your powerful and life transforming love. And in the midst of it all, grant us a deep gratitude for each day that You grant us, Amen.

Soothed by the rhythm of the waves…..

I so enjoy travelling. I am over on a Mediterranean island just now, and today I went on a boat trip. The sun was hot, the sea calm and the views breathtaking.

I went swimming from the boat today, which is something I have not done before. And what I really noticed was how much the boat was moving. Just when you were trying to get to the ladder to get back on board, the boat rocked in the waves. It was a little tricky and not remotely elegant, as I tried to haul myself up the slippy ladder!

When the boat bobs up and down on the waves, it is so calming however. That movement seems like the rocking to sleep of a small child, a motion that feels familiar and relaxing.

I found a quotation from Richard Shuster, which explains the science ‘ as waves come in, crash and the recede again, the parasympathetic nervous system activates, which slows down the brain, and helps promote relaxation.’ That feeling of peace, is deeply present. I wonder too if there is a womb dimension, a deep memory of a place of safety and love from our first moments of existence.

In Psalm 42 verse 7 it says ‘ deep calls to deep, at the sound of your waterfalls, all your breakers and your waves have rolled over me.’ There is a sense in the sound of water, whether in a waterfall or in the movement of the sea, that God can speak to us, and give us that very experience of grace and love that we don’t even know we need.

In the midst of strident and turbulent times, we need moments just to connect with water, the sound of rhythmic waves bringing refreshment and relaxation, reminding us of the vastness of the world, and the eternal nature of God’s love flowing out to all people. In that moment, may we notice the beauty, be held secure in God’s love, and find deep peace for our souls.

Gracious God, sometimes we are on a treadmill of doing, busyness and disconnection. We feel numb, just trying to get the next thing done. Lord Jesus, help us to slow down, to breathe deeply, to know that You are on the boat with us, and that your balm of Gilead is poured over all that hurts and is discordant, and brings a healing calm. Holy spirit, when we feel far from You, grant us moments of deep union and connection with you, a rhythm which soothes and restores peace and harmony in our souls, Amen

At the airport!

I know that for many people who travel regularly, airports can seem very much the same, a bit boring and routine. There are lots of metallic chairs, booming and incomprehensible announcements, delayed flights and anxious people.

Yet another way of looking at it, is a group of people going on an adventure, and that each airport gate can open the way into a different world- to a Mediterranean island, to snowy mountains or a cosmopolitan city. Airports can be places of courage and of human connection.

The possibilities of journey are extraordinary, for we live on such a stunning world, of sea corals, of architectural wonders, of museums, and places of varied and diverse cultures and languages. There is so much to explore and to learn.

Sometimes it takes a bit of courage to travel- we don’t always know much about where we are going. But God goes before us, and in psalm 91 verse 11 it says:

‘He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways’

God doesn’t want us to live in fear, but to try new things, to try different paths, to go on new adventures. At airports, mixed with the apprehension, is also a buzz of excitement and energy, even hope. May we all have the strength, opportunity and motivation to go to new places, whether near or far, which will engage our imagination and curiosity.

Gracious God, your people were often travellers, whether in old testament times in the desert for 40 days, or in the new testament, sharing the good news of Jesus in villages and cities around the Mediterranean. Lord Jesus, please reveal to us what our calling is, and wherever we might be called to be, may we reflect something of your light and love. Holy spirit, give us eyes to notice the beauty in every person and place, and to be inspired by it. May travel be a blessing, which educates, enlarges our perspective, and deepens our appreciation of all You have given us, Amen

The irritant yields the pearl.

I have started a cleaning phase recently! This is quite unusual, but I think it needs perseverance. Cleaning helps things look so much better. You do have to tidy first, but that is another story……….

When cleaning, often I don’t get very far unless I use something that is abrasive. That can make such a difference to get something really shiny!

This reminded me of a darker part of the human story, that often it is through difficult experiences that our lives are shaped. We would give so much not to have these experiences, and yet they are universal.

In Isaiah 48 verse 10: the prophet says ‘ see I have refined you, but not as silver is refined, I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. ‘

The little bit of irritant in an oyster shell, can cause a pearl to be formed. A refining fire, can purify an object to make it shine like silver or gold. What is precious is often made at a cost.

Today feels like an emotional day, as it would have been our wedding anniversary. Even 5 years down the line, the waves of pain and sadness can be overwhelming, for all that has been lost and broken, then and in subsequent experiences. There can be so much cruelty in life.

My hope is that what I, and so many others, have learned, about God’s presence in the midst of the darkest days, hope in the midst of despair, finding unexpected strength in the midst of painful situations, can encourage others. You yearn for there to be a meaning or purpose which can help others to know that suffering is not forever. We pray to be better after painful experiences, to be more appreciative of what we have, to be more kind, to listen more deeply to the experiences of others, to find wisdom.

God of all the universe, when things are distressing and difficult, thank you that we are never alone in our suffering. Lord Jesus, You understand for You experienced injustice and sorrow. Yet even on the cross Your love never faltered. Even in the darkest and abrasive of experiences, may You shape us to be more like You. Holy spirit refine us in the midst of the fire, and somehow help us to shine for You. Do a miracle even in situations of unfathomable pain, that something of beauty might emerge. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

Open to learning new things!

This week I attended a conference on trauma. It wasn’t exactly what I expected, and I had to adapt my expectations a bit, but I kept engaged and open. It was a bit disconcerting, but in the midst of it all, I learned a new concept, and application, which has opened a whole new understanding for me. It is too early to explain, and I need to do some reading and study, but it has been revolutionary in its initial impact!

I feel so graced and humble, and I remember how important it is to be open to learning. Often we think we know all that is required, we are weary, and we are not wanting to challenge familiar assumptions. For me though, God always seems to want to help me see things through a different lens, and to grow in my understanding of life, and of the relevance of faith. The world is so vast, people so complicated and with such great potential, and there are so many things we can learn in order to be a more loving and wise presence.

The prophet Isaiah writes: ” Look I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up. Do you not perceive it? ” Isaiah 43: 19

Sometimes we are walking around with our eyes shut, hanging on to the familiar, and afraid of deviating from the past. Yet God often called his people to new things, whether Abram and Sarai, or Noah or Esther, or Peter and John, or Paul. There was always another twist in the road, a journey, a new thing to take on board.

As Christians, our lives are seldom boring. We cannot stay still, or like water we become stagnant. So we are called to follow Jesus, to be attentive disciples, open to learning, curious, and willing to integrate what we learn into our lives. Sometimes it is costly, sometimes it lifts us up. We need discernment and courage. May we always be open to taking that next step…….

Gracious Creator, You have fashioned the constellations, and our lives, to reflect Your glory. Sometimes we are weighed down by the cares of the world, and we lose our sense of wonder. Lord Jesus, cleanse from us the dirt and cloudiness from our glasses, our reluctance to change, and help us see this abundant and gorgeous world afresh. Holy spirit, soften our hearts, and make them tender to your leading, and whispers of love. Open our ears, give us a biddable spirit, and feet willing to travel hopefully on new and exciting paths, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Wild swimming- even getting ready is not so easy!

The good weather recently has brought me back to wild swimming. I still prefer a wetsuit for this, as the water in the loch can still be quite chilly.

For my first swim of the year, I got my wetsuit out. The first thing I noticed was that it was inside out! ( you can tell already I am not an expert). So I pulled it the right way round, and that helped.

Then I was trying to get into it. This was another slight problem. I got my first leg in ok, but the second was more problematic. It didn’t seem to fit very well, and there didn’t seem much ‘ give’. I thought I must have put on some weight, and was so disappointed at my struggles. It just didn’t look right.

Then I had a revelation- I had mistakenly put my leg into the arm of the wetsuit! No wonder it didn’t fit. ( my arms being different sizes from the legs, and not coming out of my shoulders). I tried to quietly disentangle myself, and get dressed. Eventually I was zipped in, and ready to go. Despite my mishaps, once I was in the water, it was glorious. Even the midges didn’t put me off. Seeing nature from the water is wonderful, as you feel so free!

The ability to laugh at ourselves seems essential to our survival. We often get things wrong, but just noticing what has happened, and having courage to try again, is all that is needed.

I love the idea that God looks upon us with love, and He wants to give us a second chance. In Isaiah 41: 13b He says ‘ Fear not, I will help you.’

In small things and big, God helps us get disentangled from the things that hold us back, and gives us a new start. We are so grateful. Even though my wild swimming preparations were more involved than I thought, when I saw what was happening, I could learn from it and put it right. We are not to be put off by setbacks, but to persevere, and to trust.

Gracious God, we start off so enthusiastically to do things, but so quickly we can end up in a fankle. Lord Jesus, please always give us insight and presence of mind to notice what has happened, and to approach things differently. Thankyou for the humour in life! Help us not to become scared, but to forgive ourselves for our failings. May we always keep trying, and be enabled to enjoy the fruit of our efforts, in this case a glorious swim. May your holy spirit always lead us to freedom and joy, in Jesus name, Amen.

A flower which has lost its petals.

Ever felt incomplete, that something has gone missing? We often go through difficult experiences, which make us feel crushed or bereft, that something has changed, and the world can never be the same again.

I took a photo of this flower, because it was growing through a crack in the concrete. I was amazed that it was there at all, as there was only a tiny gap. It must have been so strong to push through, and then to have nutrients to grow. It was imperfect, a bit bedraggled, without some of its petals, yet in the warmth of the sunshine, there it was.

In life, we can have mixed fortunes, times of blessing, and times of trial. We have questions when things go wrong, and wonder where God could possibly be? Can God really be good, and loving and powerful, when life can be cruel and disappointing? There is so much wrong in the world, conflict and war, hunger and poverty, abuse and exploitation- things that diminish and destroy.

When I look to Jesus’ words and life, death and resurrection, I see the fullness of the very nature of God. When people opposed him, and mocked him, and beat him, His light and dignity and love remained constant, and He did not change when under pressure. He stands in solidarity with those who are exploited or in pain or who feel bereft and hurting. God has given the human race freedom of choice, but how He must grieve over our pride and selfishness, our inhumanity and callous disregard for others.

And so we pray for all who feel broken or disheartened by life, who lament for things left behind, for things no longer as they were. We can feel incomplete and injured.

Yet I remember a verse from Philippians 1: 9 which is so encouraging: And this is my prayer, that your love may abound more and more, in knowledge and depth of insight”

Even when we are hurting and damaged, I pray that God’s love might be poured out into our lives, and refresh us like rain does a wilted plant, that we grow in our faith, in knowledge and with depth of insight. May we blossom, even in the most unexpected places. May obstacles become our teachers, so our roots might grow deeper in the love of God.

Creator God, the One who delights to bring about growth and new life, send refreshing and healing rain from heaven, which lifts up the bowed down, restores the broken, and enables new life for the weary. Lord Jesus, when we feel damaged and incomplete, remind us that You understand, and look upon us with tender mercy. Holy spirit, forgive our many failings, bring light into the darkest of places, cleanse our wounds and revive our souls, nurture all that is wholesome. May the light of your love, enable us to be open to learning, and to experience more of your grace, Amen