At the airport!

I know that for many people who travel regularly, airports can seem very much the same, a bit boring and routine. There are lots of metallic chairs, booming and incomprehensible announcements, delayed flights and anxious people.

Yet another way of looking at it, is a group of people going on an adventure, and that each airport gate can open the way into a different world- to a Mediterranean island, to snowy mountains or a cosmopolitan city. Airports can be places of courage and of human connection.

The possibilities of journey are extraordinary, for we live on such a stunning world, of sea corals, of architectural wonders, of museums, and places of varied and diverse cultures and languages. There is so much to explore and to learn.

Sometimes it takes a bit of courage to travel- we don’t always know much about where we are going. But God goes before us, and in psalm 91 verse 11 it says:

‘He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways’

God doesn’t want us to live in fear, but to try new things, to try different paths, to go on new adventures. At airports, mixed with the apprehension, is also a buzz of excitement and energy, even hope. May we all have the strength, opportunity and motivation to go to new places, whether near or far, which will engage our imagination and curiosity.

Gracious God, your people were often travellers, whether in old testament times in the desert for 40 days, or in the new testament, sharing the good news of Jesus in villages and cities around the Mediterranean. Lord Jesus, please reveal to us what our calling is, and wherever we might be called to be, may we reflect something of your light and love. Holy spirit, give us eyes to notice the beauty in every person and place, and to be inspired by it. May travel be a blessing, which educates, enlarges our perspective, and deepens our appreciation of all You have given us, Amen

The irritant yields the pearl.

I have started a cleaning phase recently! This is quite unusual, but I think it needs perseverance. Cleaning helps things look so much better. You do have to tidy first, but that is another story……….

When cleaning, often I don’t get very far unless I use something that is abrasive. That can make such a difference to get something really shiny!

This reminded me of a darker part of the human story, that often it is through difficult experiences that our lives are shaped. We would give so much not to have these experiences, and yet they are universal.

In Isaiah 48 verse 10: the prophet says ‘ see I have refined you, but not as silver is refined, I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. ‘

The little bit of irritant in an oyster shell, can cause a pearl to be formed. A refining fire, can purify an object to make it shine like silver or gold. What is precious is often made at a cost.

Today feels like an emotional day, as it would have been our wedding anniversary. Even 5 years down the line, the waves of pain and sadness can be overwhelming, for all that has been lost and broken, then and in subsequent experiences. There can be so much cruelty in life.

My hope is that what I, and so many others, have learned, about God’s presence in the midst of the darkest days, hope in the midst of despair, finding unexpected strength in the midst of painful situations, can encourage others. You yearn for there to be a meaning or purpose which can help others to know that suffering is not forever. We pray to be better after painful experiences, to be more appreciative of what we have, to be more kind, to listen more deeply to the experiences of others, to find wisdom.

God of all the universe, when things are distressing and difficult, thank you that we are never alone in our suffering. Lord Jesus, You understand for You experienced injustice and sorrow. Yet even on the cross Your love never faltered. Even in the darkest and abrasive of experiences, may You shape us to be more like You. Holy spirit refine us in the midst of the fire, and somehow help us to shine for You. Do a miracle even in situations of unfathomable pain, that something of beauty might emerge. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

Open to learning new things!

This week I attended a conference on trauma. It wasn’t exactly what I expected, and I had to adapt my expectations a bit, but I kept engaged and open. It was a bit disconcerting, but in the midst of it all, I learned a new concept, and application, which has opened a whole new understanding for me. It is too early to explain, and I need to do some reading and study, but it has been revolutionary in its initial impact!

I feel so graced and humble, and I remember how important it is to be open to learning. Often we think we know all that is required, we are weary, and we are not wanting to challenge familiar assumptions. For me though, God always seems to want to help me see things through a different lens, and to grow in my understanding of life, and of the relevance of faith. The world is so vast, people so complicated and with such great potential, and there are so many things we can learn in order to be a more loving and wise presence.

The prophet Isaiah writes: ” Look I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up. Do you not perceive it? ” Isaiah 43: 19

Sometimes we are walking around with our eyes shut, hanging on to the familiar, and afraid of deviating from the past. Yet God often called his people to new things, whether Abram and Sarai, or Noah or Esther, or Peter and John, or Paul. There was always another twist in the road, a journey, a new thing to take on board.

As Christians, our lives are seldom boring. We cannot stay still, or like water we become stagnant. So we are called to follow Jesus, to be attentive disciples, open to learning, curious, and willing to integrate what we learn into our lives. Sometimes it is costly, sometimes it lifts us up. We need discernment and courage. May we always be open to taking that next step…….

Gracious Creator, You have fashioned the constellations, and our lives, to reflect Your glory. Sometimes we are weighed down by the cares of the world, and we lose our sense of wonder. Lord Jesus, cleanse from us the dirt and cloudiness from our glasses, our reluctance to change, and help us see this abundant and gorgeous world afresh. Holy spirit, soften our hearts, and make them tender to your leading, and whispers of love. Open our ears, give us a biddable spirit, and feet willing to travel hopefully on new and exciting paths, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Wild swimming- even getting ready is not so easy!

The good weather recently has brought me back to wild swimming. I still prefer a wetsuit for this, as the water in the loch can still be quite chilly.

For my first swim of the year, I got my wetsuit out. The first thing I noticed was that it was inside out! ( you can tell already I am not an expert). So I pulled it the right way round, and that helped.

Then I was trying to get into it. This was another slight problem. I got my first leg in ok, but the second was more problematic. It didn’t seem to fit very well, and there didn’t seem much ‘ give’. I thought I must have put on some weight, and was so disappointed at my struggles. It just didn’t look right.

Then I had a revelation- I had mistakenly put my leg into the arm of the wetsuit! No wonder it didn’t fit. ( my arms being different sizes from the legs, and not coming out of my shoulders). I tried to quietly disentangle myself, and get dressed. Eventually I was zipped in, and ready to go. Despite my mishaps, once I was in the water, it was glorious. Even the midges didn’t put me off. Seeing nature from the water is wonderful, as you feel so free!

The ability to laugh at ourselves seems essential to our survival. We often get things wrong, but just noticing what has happened, and having courage to try again, is all that is needed.

I love the idea that God looks upon us with love, and He wants to give us a second chance. In Isaiah 41: 13b He says ‘ Fear not, I will help you.’

In small things and big, God helps us get disentangled from the things that hold us back, and gives us a new start. We are so grateful. Even though my wild swimming preparations were more involved than I thought, when I saw what was happening, I could learn from it and put it right. We are not to be put off by setbacks, but to persevere, and to trust.

Gracious God, we start off so enthusiastically to do things, but so quickly we can end up in a fankle. Lord Jesus, please always give us insight and presence of mind to notice what has happened, and to approach things differently. Thankyou for the humour in life! Help us not to become scared, but to forgive ourselves for our failings. May we always keep trying, and be enabled to enjoy the fruit of our efforts, in this case a glorious swim. May your holy spirit always lead us to freedom and joy, in Jesus name, Amen.

A flower which has lost its petals.

Ever felt incomplete, that something has gone missing? We often go through difficult experiences, which make us feel crushed or bereft, that something has changed, and the world can never be the same again.

I took a photo of this flower, because it was growing through a crack in the concrete. I was amazed that it was there at all, as there was only a tiny gap. It must have been so strong to push through, and then to have nutrients to grow. It was imperfect, a bit bedraggled, without some of its petals, yet in the warmth of the sunshine, there it was.

In life, we can have mixed fortunes, times of blessing, and times of trial. We have questions when things go wrong, and wonder where God could possibly be? Can God really be good, and loving and powerful, when life can be cruel and disappointing? There is so much wrong in the world, conflict and war, hunger and poverty, abuse and exploitation- things that diminish and destroy.

When I look to Jesus’ words and life, death and resurrection, I see the fullness of the very nature of God. When people opposed him, and mocked him, and beat him, His light and dignity and love remained constant, and He did not change when under pressure. He stands in solidarity with those who are exploited or in pain or who feel bereft and hurting. God has given the human race freedom of choice, but how He must grieve over our pride and selfishness, our inhumanity and callous disregard for others.

And so we pray for all who feel broken or disheartened by life, who lament for things left behind, for things no longer as they were. We can feel incomplete and injured.

Yet I remember a verse from Philippians 1: 9 which is so encouraging: And this is my prayer, that your love may abound more and more, in knowledge and depth of insight”

Even when we are hurting and damaged, I pray that God’s love might be poured out into our lives, and refresh us like rain does a wilted plant, that we grow in our faith, in knowledge and with depth of insight. May we blossom, even in the most unexpected places. May obstacles become our teachers, so our roots might grow deeper in the love of God.

Creator God, the One who delights to bring about growth and new life, send refreshing and healing rain from heaven, which lifts up the bowed down, restores the broken, and enables new life for the weary. Lord Jesus, when we feel damaged and incomplete, remind us that You understand, and look upon us with tender mercy. Holy spirit, forgive our many failings, bring light into the darkest of places, cleanse our wounds and revive our souls, nurture all that is wholesome. May the light of your love, enable us to be open to learning, and to experience more of your grace, Amen

A mosaic made out of jagged pieces.

When I was in Berlin, I visited a beautiful church, where the themes of forgiveness healing and reconciliation were reflected in the fabric of the building itself. Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial church was bombed on 23rd November 1943, and lay in ruins.

In the 1950’s there was much debate as to what to do, and in the end they decided to incorporate the ruins into a new church ensemble. In the new building, the walls are made out of mosaics, broken pieces of glass formed into stunningly beautiful panels. The pieces are different shapes, often jagged in form, but come together to create something gorgeous.

This feels like a relevant and profound theme for our day. It feels that post pandemic, so much is shattered, the comfort of old ways of doing things, economic stability, familiar patterns, securites we used to take for granted. And for our lives, we often feel broken, health less strong, mourning lost loved ones, full of worries and anxieties, exhausted from constant change and challenge.

I have just come back from the General Asembly of the Church of Scotland, where they are navigating change and loss. Many ministers nearing retirement, difficult decisions re buildings, lamentation and loss, confusion as to how to make these almost impossible decisions. There is much pain and bewilderment and sadness.

I remember the words from psalm 34′ the Lord is close to the broken hearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit’. God sees all the pain and heartbreak people are going through, personally and institutionally, all the jagged edges and tear stained pillows.

Today is Pentecost, when we welcome the holy spirit, and we ask that He cleanse us, and shape us, and we are reminded that He makes all things new. On our knees, we pray that somehow out of the fragments of our lives, our mistakes and regrets, He would fashion something new and beautiful, something edifying and inspirational. Meanwhile we wait, we sit among the ashes and dust, and we trust that the holy spirit can touch and transform even our lives and situations.

Father God, there is so much heartache and sadness, and the broken fragments of our lives are pointed and sore. As they said on the Emmaus road, we had hoped…….. Lord Jesus, You know what discouragement and pain look like, yet Your love never falters. Today, may your Holy spirit come into our lives, and do a new thing. You tenderly pick up the pieces of our lives, and craft them into something of value and meaning. You remind us of the truth and freedom that only Your spirit can bring. Today, this Pentecost weekend, speak to our souls, heal us, pour out Your love, energise us to love, whatever the cost. May Your light shine though our lives, bringing a rainbow of grace and compassion for all. Bring renewal to your people, in Jesus name, Amen.

The story of a dog and a sofa!

Before I start my story, I want to tell you that I have a marvellous dog. He has been rehomed, and he is a character! In recent months, he has been experimenting with his claws on my sofa. He doesn’t mean anything by it, but the duct tape to repair it has become less effective. And then one day, it looked like this!

It was a very old sofa, over 20 years, and past its best. I decided it was not salvageable, and that I need to let it and the two chairs go………

What happened next was a surprise however, for the room seemed much bigger. With a little help, I moved the furniture about, and repositioned things, got two lighter chairs, and actually the room is so much better- less cluttered and heavy, and more spacious! It has been transformed.

My dog has taught me the gift of letting go. By taking the sofa and matching chairs to the dump, I made space for something new, which feels like a lighter and more flexible space.

I always love Ecclesiastes chapter three, that there is a time for everything under the sun, and in verse 6 it says ‘ there is a time to keep, and a time to throw away.’ As our lives go on, there is a time to hold on to stuff from the past, but also a time to let go of some things, to make space for the new. It is a difficult discernment, and is always evolving, but the symbolism seems potent. May we all recognise what needs to be put to one side, to make space for God to do a new thing.

Gracious God, there is a rhythm to life, and so many different seasons. There is eternity in each one, yet paradoxically they go by so fast. Childhood, adulthood, perhaps parenting, and then dependency once more. Lord Jesus, you are the same yesterday, today and forever, and you accompany us in every stage, and bring meaning and significance. Sometimes we want to tarry where we are comfortable, but your spirit stirs us up, and leads us forward, enabling us to let go, and making space for something new, like eagles out of a nest. Thank you, that You speak to our hearts in so many ways, and gently lead us, so we might learn to fly. Give us courage to see new possibilities, and to embrace them, Amen.

Getting off the merry-go-round!

Life can just go by so quickly. There is so much to do, phone calls to make, deadlines to meet. It can feel so very busy, that we cannot catch our breath. Modern life can feel so pressured.

Recently, I have so enjoyed having time off, with some beautiful friends, beach walks, gorgeous food, catching up, trying to put the world to rights. Just being, is such a relief, enjoying slower rhythms of life, that seem so much more healthy and natural.

So the question is, how to integrate these patterns into daily life after times of holiday? It could be a walk before work, a new devotional routine, more intentional self care, time to listen to music. Once we have time out, we want to keep something of that peace, once back at work. We might intentionally focus on an inspiring book.or podcast, and have an hour of reading and reflection. It could be spending time with the psalms, or listening to God, and reorientating ourselves about our purpose. These times are central to our wellbeing, and nurture our souls.

Taking time that time to reflect, to pause, to gain perspective on our lives, and to take stock, is core for our personal journey. We see our lives more clearly, the things to celebrate, and the things that are bothering us. We then notice the things that we want to embrace, and the things to let go. We pray for the ability to trust, to listen, and find guidance for the road ahead. I remember the verse in Isaiah ‘I will keep in perfect peace, those whose mind is steadfast because they trust in You.’ Isaiah 26: 3 – whatever our circumstances are, may we be steadfast in our devotion to our Lord, and have times of stillness, and of prayerful reflection, and find peace.

Eternal Father, forgive us that at times we move too fast, our thoughts race, we feel overwhelmed. Help us have regular times to pray, to worship, to learn, space to think and to ponder. Lord Jesus, you often withdrew from the crowds, to spend time with your heavenly Father. May we also learn from this pattern. Help us not to feel guilty when we don’t connect with you in the way we would wish, when our prayer life seems dry, or we are unsettled. Help us to set aside time to be with You, to trust more deeply in your good purposes for our lives. Every day is a fresh start, so today, we surrender our lives to You, may we hear your voice of love, find your peace, and pray that Your will be done.

Tears falling from the sky

My goodness, it is 5 years since my late husband’s death. I naively thought at the time because he had been ill for such a long period, I had done a lot of grieving already. Boy was I wrong, as there was so much more to come.

It has taken me 5 years to work things though, with the help of God and a loving community around me. I think I was numb the first year, just trying to settle paper work, to do practical things, and get back into a rhythm of work. Year two I focused on honouring Colin’s life by telling a bit of our story, and publishing some of his poems and writings- ‘Love song for a wounded warrior’ – I felt he was smiling from heaven. A great sadness was that his parents both died before the book was published, and our grief as a family was so complex and so deep.

In the years following, the covid virus and restrictions caused everyone to be so isolated from one another, that it has meant grief and loss has often been locked away, unexpressed, just weighing people down, a silent burden of pain. We all need to talk.

God has been so gracious. He has helped me find ways to work though the trauma of painful menories and grief, to help me find a deeper healing. I wrote ‘ Love songs for Healing and Hope’ also available on Amazon, to share a bit of my grief journey, to offer devotional material, and to share the story of friends.

I have learned what a roller coaster ride complex grief is. In the rain, I think of tears falling, pathetic fallacy, as I learned at school, where the eniroment seems to mirror your emotions. One of the songs I go back to in my darkest days is Andrew Peterson’ s ‘ After the last tear falls’. Even when life is bleak and we are bereft, somewhere there is still love. We can be sad at death, the cruelty of suffering, of the loss of dreams and a future.

Jesus understands our lamentation- he wept over the death of Lazarus, he shared the pain and sorrow of his family. He understands our deep despair and loss. But Jesus also called Lazarus out of the cold tomb, his grave clothes are unbound, and he restored his life. And in due time, Jesus calls us out of places of musty darkness and stench of death, into the brightness of morning. We are changed forever by our experiences, but gradually we learn to live with our loss, and there can be hope and new beginnings. Everyone’s journey is different, but I want to encourage people who are in a dark place, that there is help, that your story is important, and that God never gives up on You, but carries you each day.

I am deeply thankful for all that God has taught me, for those who have supported and prayed for me, for the healing power of nature and of community. It has been a more difficult journey that I would have ever imagined, and today the pain is more raw than I expected, still after all these years, but Jesus has brought me a slow and steady healing process, and God’s spirit breaths new life into me each day. What more can I ask?

Gracious God, how often must tears fall from the sky, and life be so cruel, and loss be so devastating. There is so much darkness. Lord Jesus, thank you for your healing light, bringing forgiveness, settling us free from our chains, helping us find peace. We cry to You, and You answer, although at times we are so lost in our pain, we don’t even notice. Bless all who mourn this day, and may they find comfort. Carry us each day, even through the years, until we are ready for your holy spirit to breath new life into us. Through our tears, may we attentive to your voice, and find the healing we need, so we can then share this grace and hope with others, Amen

Bagpipes and banter!

You know that way where you are invited to a house, and they welcome you, and it feels amazing.

After getting off a transatlantic flight, I was welcomed by my beautiful friends, they met me, and made food for me, set a fun table, and even played ‘ bagpipe’ music. The fun and the banter ( and even the music) expressed a deep feeling of acceptance and love. It is such a meaningful thing to be welcomed and loved.

I think of people who feel lonely or invisible, and how hard life can be. We can all begin to doubt ourselves, and to question our value. People’s stories are often full of misunderstanding and rejection, which can spiral into depression.

Everyone wants to be heard, understood and valued, to be seen. I wonder how we can do this better, in families, in society. There are always people that we find difficult, but even if we prayed more for each other, if we recognised the positive, and were kinder, that would be a start. It can take a while to get to forgiveness, but even civility can be a starting place.

When we are welcomed and shown hospitality, especially that space to be, that is so healing in itself, for when we relax, then we have more insight, we see things more clearly, and we are more open to learning. And we need to learn, to grow in our understanding and our faith.

I love the story of the Prodigal son in Luke 15, where the young man has tried to go it alone, to be independent, but he falls into bad company, squanders his money, and he has nothing left. He decides to go back to his father’s house and beg for mercy. He must have felt so ashamed, at letting everyone down, and being such a failure. It was a very public humiliation, as he walked back along that path to his family home.

Despite the fact that the son had been away for a long time, the Father is looking out for him. He welcomes him, gives him the best robes, and kills the fatted calf for him. He has to welcome him because once he was lost, but now he is found. He is welcomed, accepted and there is a place for him.

I wonder if we are craving acceptance, a place where we are known and loved. By the grace of God, this is what the Christian faith offers us, a God who reaches out to us in love and grace, who longs for us to know his saving love. We are all so loved, if only we can receive it.

Gracious and hospitable God, You are so patient and loving with us, even though we do not deserve it. We stamp our feet, go off on the wrong path, whilst proudly thinking we know best. And then when it goes wrong, we are so ashamed and downhearted. Lord Jesus, thankyou that You don’t reject us, but look upon us with mercy. Thankyou for the story of the forgiving Father, and that You welcome Your prodigal sons and daughters home with such a tender love. When we feel far from You, lost in the darkness, may we know the prompting of your spirit, bringing us into your living presence here on earth, and to know your generous welcome of love and light, acceptance and care. For Jesus sake, Amen