Trying less hard and trusting more!

Trying to do things in our own strength!

Sometimes when things are difficult, what you think is- I need to try harder. If I can figure out a different approach, or if I study more, or if I work more hours, or pray longer, maybe everything will get better. It all can seem very reasonable as a plan.

However trying harder is not always the answer. Sometimes we can fixate on different options or ideas, but actually they are not going to change things. Sometimes the situation is not going to improve, or change for the better, and working harder just masks the reality of the underlying issues.

At times in my life, I have gone for the trying harder option. I have wanted to fix things, make them better, even when it has been costly. That has seemed a very Christian thing to do- to take up your cross, to persevere, to find a way forward.

However in my older age, I have realised that I need to stop and question things long before that stage, because I need to ask for wisdom to see things clearly, to have discernment. Often when you are involved in a situation, you don’t have any objectivity- instead you have memories, emotions and perceptions, but you are so intertwined in them all, that you just think you should try to figure it out.

However sometimes God calls us to pause, to seek Him in prayer, to reflect with a trustworthy person, and to ask for guidance. There are times when persevering is no longer the right path, and God says to us to let it all go, and sends us in a new direction. This can be a wake up call, but can be healthier for everyone involved.

The verse in Proverbs 3: 5 and 6 makes it sound so easy; ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight ” When we try to work harder to make a situation better, although we can be well motivated, at times we are not seeing things through God’s eyes. Maybe we have played our part, and now it is some one else’s turn to do the next bit. That is not failure- it can be wisdom.

The turn of the year provides a space to reflect. We look at our lives, and ask God to show us our path, what to let go of, and what to embrace. To see your situation with greater detachment, can enable a discernment- what is our path to be, what brings us closer to God, in what ways can we bless others and also grow in our own faith. Some potential decisions would be disastrous, so we ask for strength to avoid these. Others might need some exploration as they are ambiguous. In all things we listen to the Holy Spirit, and trust that God will reveal more of His purpose to us.

In this new year, for me I know I need to try less hard, but listen more deeply for God’s voice. Being on the right path can help me find a deeper peace, and a better way to live.

Gracious God, we often try so hard to make the world better, by working long hours, by getting more knowledge, by making excuses for bad behaviours. Lord Jesus, You came to bring us forgiveness for our sins, and then to set us free. Forgive us when we try too hard to make things better, when we are working in our own strength. Set us free from false expectations, show us how to make wise decisions, and to live more fully in Your love. May we all learn to walk in the light, to listen for your Holy Spirit, and to trust You for the next step in the path, so we can find peace, in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Tears on the journey?

In this Christmas season, we reflect on all the characters in the gospel narratives, and I often think about Mary especially. When the angel Gabriel came to tell her of the child who would be God’s son, although she did not understand it, she was willing to be obedient. Mary seems to have such a sweet and humble disposition, with a desire to say yes to God.

Yet as she and Joseph travelled from Nazareth to Bethlehem, a journey thst would have taken four days on foot, you wonder what emotions she might gave experienced. To be 9 months pregnant and to walk eight hours a day must have been so hard. Mary is often portrayed as being on a donkey, but there is no mention of a donkey in the details shared in the gospels. If she travelled on foot, perhaps at night when it was cooler, she must gave been very tired, her body sore, and maybe even anxious and questioning. Who was going to support her when the baby came? How was she going to cope, so far away from most of her family? Maybe she was even afraid or tearful, wondering why things were unfolding the way they were.

It speaks so much to our human condition, that we often trust God, but struggle with human doubts and fears. The ‘what if’s’ can unsettled us, when our minds worry about the worst case scenarios. We can end up paralysed and tearful, wondering how it will all end up.

Mary must have had her struggles, yet somehow she still trusted in God’s goodness and love. Whatever situation we find ourselves in today, I think we too are called to trust, and to trust so deeply, that our trust is bigger than our fears.

The famous verses from Proverbs 3: 5-6 say; ‘ Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight.’ Trusting like this is not just in a one off moment, but a continued reliance on a God who is faithful and loving, and who seeks to guide our path even through unexpected twists and turns, and even in the dark. May we set aside our fears and anxieties, and learn to trust more fully.

Eternal God, we are inspired by Mary’s example and obedience to You, to travel with Joseph to Bethlehem even when it was tough and uncomfortable. Lord Jesus, You call us to follow you, even when it is dark, and we don’t know where we are going. Holy Spirit, forgive us when we are scared or tearful, and help us to trust You, knowing that You are faithful and will never let us down. For Mary, her humble trust led to the birth of the Saviour of the world. Through our obedience, may You also birth a new beginning in us that brings hope and light and life, Amen

Aslan is coming!

It has been so very cold in Scotland this week, with deep frosts overnight. It has been a beautiful season to walk in, with clear skies, crunchy leaves under foot, and fir trees painted with white patterns of sparkle!

It reminded me a bit of Narnia! I love reading C S Lewis’s Narnia books- they have such rich symbolism and imagery. You might remember it all starts with the four children Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy. Through the wardrobe, they inadvertently enter the into the magical land of Narnia, where the white witch seems to be in charge, and the land is always cold and wintry. It is a hostile landscape to live in.

However when Aslan is abroad, the snow starts to melt, the greenery starts to re- emerge, and life begins to return to the land. Aslan is the lion, whose presence is memorable- he is described as not safe but good. He symbolises God, not able to be fully known, but always worthy of our trust.

When I was travelling this week, there was a glorious moment when the sun broke through the clouds, the mist was dispersed, and the frost started to melt, and the green grass started to emerge. And hope reignited in my heart- it felt like a reminder of God being at work in our land. I tried to capture something of this in the photo above.

There is a poignant moment in the book ‘ The Dawn Treader’ where Lucy is in distress and says ‘ Aslan, Aslan, if you ever loved us at all, send us help now.’ The darkness did not seem any less, but she felt a little, a very little, less afraid.’ And later she hears a voice saying ‘ Courage dear heart’ and she knows her prayer has been heard.

As we go further into Advent, may we remember that Aslan is still about, and that God hears our prayers, and may this bring us hope.

Eternal Father, we give you thanks for Christian authors and artists who are so creative in conveying Your beauty and mystery and goodness. We give thanks for Aslan, the lion who sacrifices himself for the good of all. As we go further into Advent, we give thanks that we celebrate that Love came down at Christmas, in the form of our Saviour Jesus Christ. When are hearts have grown wintry, may Your presence melt away any barriers to receiving your love, so we can be tender and forgiving. Holy Spirit breathe into us colour and life once more, so we can reflect something of your light and love, even in winter months. Give us courage and hope we pray, and a trust that You hear our prayers, Amen.

A little child shall lead them……..

Advent can be an amazing time of the year, a time of reflection and quiet moments and hope. Yet in practice it can be busy, noisy and stressful, and the strident cacophony can drown out the more contemplative aspects.

I was listening to a friend speak of the pressures and commercialise of this season, and then our conversation touched on the joy of children at this time of year. Their appreciation of fun, of being together, and of knowing that the season is because of its the birthday of Jesus can be breathtaking. Even being the donkey in the nativity can bring much excitement!

Maybe we need to learn from that wonder and excitement of small children. As adults we are sometimes too cynical- we have lived through this season a few times before, after all. Preparing to celebrate Jesus’ birth, taking a few moments each day thinking of the words of the prophets, allowing ourselves to be moved again by the incredible blessing of the Son of God being born on earth, is stunning.

Words from Isaiah 9:2 remind us of the glory and mystery of it all- such powerful words of prophecy about the One who is to come: He will be called ‘ Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of peace.’

Another prophetic verse that is so poignant is an image from Isaiah 11:6 of a day when ‘the wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together, and a little child will lead them….’

It speaks of harmony between animals and people, and the choosing of a little child leading them seems so apt. It is not just the vulnerability of the child that is significant, but that attitude of trust and innocence.

In this time of Advent, may we all rediscover the trust and wonder of small children in our own hearts. May we take time out of the clamour and noise, to be reminded of the wonder and beauty of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, and marvel at His coming.

Eternal God, forgive us that we get so caught up in the pressures and superficial nature of the season, when we feel jaded and exhausted. Help us to find time to stop, to be present, and to wonder and worship at the side of the manger, with the trust and awe of a small child. Holy Spirit, rekindle our love for our Saviour, our reverence at His goodness and majesty, so that we may experience a purity of heart, that overflows with thanksgiving. Speak to us that Word we need to hear in this season, Amen.

Thresholds…..

We spend so much of our time on the move, on foot, on the bus, in the car. Especially at this time of year, the traffic is heavy on our streets. Despite the bad weather, the puddles and the torrential rain, so many people are out and in a rush, looking frustrated and impatient.

When the hustle and bustle is too great, I love reading a devotional writer like John O’ Donohue. His writings and reflections invite me to slow down and to ponder, which I love.

It would be an understatement to say I have not had a good year. But something I appreciate is that today is the end of the liturgical year, and that tomorrow is the beginning of the season of Advent, a time of new beginnings, of looking forward with expectations and hope. This is a threshold time.

In his collection of writings ‘To bless this space’ O’Donohue writes beautifully about thresholds. He writes about moving from one season to another and says: “a threshold is not a simple boundary- it is a frontier that divides two different territories, rhythms and atmospheres”. He speaks of the courage to follow the inner voice that beckons us forward.

Preparing for Advent is an invitation to reflect on the year past, to give thanks for the good, and bring what is painful and discouraging to Jesus, and then leaving it with Him. Leaving our hurts and frustrations at the foot of the cross, then helps us to go on with a lighter step. Instead of walking slowly, being weighed down by burdens and regrets, we move forward more steadily with a renewed sense of hope and even wonder- a change of rhythm and atmosphere indeed.

Maybe you have had a difficult year, a disappointment, a sadness. These things are hard to sit with, and take a long time to process. Yet the twinkling of the lights of this season remind us of the light of Christ, coming into this world, even though God knows the very worst of what the human heart can do. The birth of that Holy Child brings us hope, a belief that things can change, that there is an invitation for renewal and new horizons. May this be a threshold time for us all, a thin place where we experience anew the beauty and majesty of God, and find fresh strength and vision.

Eternal Father, the Creator of stars and atoms, the Source of all love, thank You for your patience with this weary and conflicted world. There is so much which is dark and cruel and heavy. Lord Jesus, Babe of Bethlehem, forgive us for our selfishness, greed and pride. May this be a threshold time between the year past, and opportunity for healing and repair in the days to come. Holy Spirit bring transformation to us, so we can leave our hurts behind, and move into a new season of healing and hope and wonder. May our prayers be for a better world, where Your kingdom of justice, light and love can more fully come. Use even us, in our weakness, and helps us to trust as we take the next step into new territory, Amen

We need to speak and be heard!

In Ecclesiastes chapter 3, it says that there is a time to speak and a time to be silent. We are silent when words are not needed, or when speaking could be misconstrued. But there are times when we need to speak, even when it is hard. Speaking out about injustice is a core calling in life.

At the moment, there are so many institutions which seem to have deviated from their original calling, whether it is in commerce, the NHS or the church. People speak out about mismanagement and about their frustrations about the things that are wrong. I think we need to test our hearts before we speak- we are not to do this out of bitterness or a desire for revenge, but out of concern, because we want things to be better.

The church is meant to be always reforming, desiring to follow the ways of Christ above all else. Sometimes we get distracted or misled. And so we pray for the Holy Spirit to cleanse us from anything that is impure, and to lead us on the path with the most integrity and love. How we love, is what demonstrates to others what our relationship with Jesus Christ is all about.

And so we pray that God gives us the right words when we speak. Often if we have courage to do so, just to be heard can be healing. It helps people to know they are not alone. Sometimes we are called to speak a prophetic word- to challenge something that is a cultural norm. In our society this seems so much needed- to call for justice for all, in all walks of life, so that everyone is treated with dignity and respect. This does not need to be a strident call, but a quiet, insistent one. If we see something is wrong, we pray, we act, we write to our MP, we give money to a relevant charity. There is so much we can do to bring justice to the world. It is so important not to be paralysed into inactivity because we think we cannot make a difference. Even one voice can have a positive impact.

In the book of Amos chapter 5:24 it says: let justice fall down like waters, and righteousness like a never failing stream’. God has always had a concern for justice, for the proud to be humbled and the poor to be lifted up. In a society where people are on zero hours contracts, where there is human trafficking, where the gap between the haves and have nots is so great, we pray for justice and challenge systems which have lost their way. Jesus spoke up for the oppressed and against the corruption of the Pharisees. We pray that we may follow in his footsteps.

Father God, You love justice and harmony, but our world is so fallen and selfish. Sometimes it is easier to pretend not to see the things that go wrong. Open our eyes, help us to see when we fall short, and may we be like Jesus, willing to speak out for people who find themselves marginalised and the broken. May your Holy Spirit inspire prophetic voices which will be heard and inspire beneficial change, so that there can be healing and restitution, and so the kingdom of God can come closer on earth. In Jesus name, Amen.

Remembering and then taking action………

Today is Remembrance Sunday, the day we hold a two minute silence to remember those who gave their lives in conflict, and those who served and their loved ones. It used to be we remembered the stories of veterans of the first and second world wars, but it is also those who served in Northern Ireland, in Iraq, in Afghanistan and so many other war zones. So many people have stories to tell. The battle is not just in active service, but when service men and women come back to civilian life, if they are that fortunate. How do you make that transition, when you have been right how to kill and maim as a living?

Sometimes on Remembrance Sunday we seem guilty of relying on stereotypes in our desciptions- of people who lay down their lives for their friends. It is noble and selfless. This is of course the most sacrificial thing anyone can do. But do we remember the moral complexities of war, the anguish of seeing civilian casualties, the trauma of being in hand to hand conflict? The stories of all these conflicts, each have patterns and nuances all of their own, and no stereotypes capture the stories of individual veterans and their families. The cost of war can only be told by them. Hearing one story, and then multiplying it by millions gives a small insight into the cost of war.

Today we are called to remember- to hear these stories and allow their message to speak to our souls. But surely this should not just be for one weekend a year. Veterans and their families need recognition and support all year round. Too many end up in situations of relationship breakdown, alienation from their loved ones, unable to hold down a job, struggling with addiction and homeless on our streets. I worry that we pay lip service on Remembrance Sunday, and then move on to other things. For the veteran, they can be left struggling with traumatic memories and broken lives.

So I think Remembrance Sunday calls us not just to remember but to act. It could be we act by listening to the story of some one who is struggling, giving money to a veterans charity, or talking to that veteran who lives along the street, who seems a bit isolated. People with multiple trauma and memories of war are often looking for understanding, and the hope that one day their lives could get better. Will we show solidarity with them? If we do not act, then Remembrance seems a bit hollow- a platitude or a cliche that lacks application or conviction.

I speak to myself also. My late husband was wounded in active service, and these wounds and disability marred all subsequent days of his life. Trying to access the right support for him in his particular situation was almost impossible. And he had to live with that. He was proud to have served, but on the days when nightmares were dark and unrelenting and his disability was especially debilitating, he felt frustrated, angry and forgotten. How do we reassure people that their stories are not forgotten?

For me, this is the hardest weekend of the year. What are we called to do to support our veterans community in a meaningful way? How can we act effectively and wisely to support those most in need? I have more questions than answers.

Jesus lay down his life for his friends – in 1 John 3:16 it says ‘ This is how we know what love is- Jesus Christ lay down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.’ The love of God is so wide and high and deep- it has no end. We ask God to pour out that love into our lives, so we can then love others in a generous and meaningful way. Will we consider that calling whatever it might take us?

Eternal God- You created this world to be a harmonious whole, where we live in love and dignity, giving glory back to You. But we rebelled against You, forgetting Your teaching and following our own selfish desires. The human desire for money and power and status brings exploitation, destruction and human misery. Lord Jesus Christ, please forgive us, cleanse us and teach us how to love. Today we remember serving military personnel, veterans and their families, and pray for a listening ear, understanding and the right resources to help them find deep and lasting peace. Holy Spirit forgive us for our clichés and empty words. May we find a way of honouring our veterans in meaningful and loving ways, so they know they are not forgotten, and can find solace for their souls. In Jesus name, Amen.

In-between times – times of turmoil!

Sorting is so demanding! I am in the middle of going through my possesions, getting ready to move, and at times it is overwhelming. There is so much to look at, and decisions to make about each item. I realise that I own too many things, and that I need to let many of them go. I know this process will have a good outcome, and that at the end of it I will feel lighter and more free- just not yet…

So many times in life, we trust that one day things will get better, but we have to be patient meantime. The in between bit is the tough time. We can feel a bit like Job, when so much was taken from him- his family, his health, his livelihood. We just sit in the dust, pondering why our life turned out the way it did. Sometimes there are no easy answers. It seems important to he honest, when we ask why? So much is incomprehensible in this earthly life.

Another bible character that had many questions was Joseph. He was sold into slavery in Egypt, was thrown into prison for something he didn’t do, and for many years was estranged from his family. Yet God used Joseph to help many during a time of famine, and in the end in chapter 50 of Genesis, Joseph says to his brothers: ‘ You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good, to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.’

Joseph must have experienced times of resentment and anger at what his brothers had done, and the unfair way he was treated. Yet with God’s help, over many years, he found it in his heart to forgive them. He didn’t let his heart grow bitter or hold a grudge. Later in his life, he had the opportunity to be reconciled with his family, and he rejoiced.

In life, we go through in between times- times of transition, letting go of the old and not quite sure what the new looks like. It can be unsettling and scary. I believe that Jesus sits with us in these messy uncertain times, and his presence brings consolation and hope. We are blessed, even when we understand very little. We trust that the best is yet to come.

Eternal Father, You are there at the beginning of our lives, and when we are ready to be reunited with You once more, You call us to be with You through the grace of Jesus Christ. We are so thankful that we can trust You for that amazing heavenly eternity. Meanwhile we live in the in-between, a time of messiness and confusion, questioning and loss. At times we just have to sit with it, to experience the heartbreak and pain. But this is only tempory. Holy Spirit speak to our hearts so even in times of turmoil, we can forgive, keep trusting, and can find peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen

Downsizing- the need to ask for help?

At the moment I am getting ready to move, and I need to downsize. I have discovered that I seem to have previously unrecognised hoarding tendencies, and also a plethora of items from other family members. My worst vice is buying books, often second hand, with an eye for a bargain, and a promise to myself that I will read it later. This great love of literature has not worked well for me in practice, for I have so many bookcases of wonderful but unread books. The challenge is now to release them back into the universe. It is so tempting to put these books into the box for the charity shop, and two minutes later sneak them back on the shelf. No wonder downsizing is slow work.

I think I need to become more ruthless in this regard. When I find a box of old photos, it is easy to become completely distracted and look at each one. I obviously haven’t sorted them before judging by the ones with thumbs over the lens, blurry ones, and ones I have no idea of where the grey landscape actually is.

The thing that really strikes me is that I have far too much stuff. The objects I want to keep are practical, or have sentimental significance, or are beautiful, but many things I have just casually accumulated, and need to be released. Some you hope will bless others, but some just need to go in the bin!

I am finding it exhausting- emotionally and physically and spiritually. There are times when I have even needed to ask for help. Trying to sort everything has been so overwhelming, people to help sort, wrap or take things away are invaluable. I am indebted to declutterers and friends who have supported me in this process. At times I prefer to be independent, and I have to learn again and again it is ok to ask for some one to help me work things out. A lesson for the whole of life, that in any healthy community, there are seasons for us to both give and receive, and that is ok.

A verse that is speaking to me a lot just now is that “God is not a God of disorder but of peace.” 1 Corinthians 14:33. From the beginning of creation, God loves to bring form and beauty out of nothing. Out of the darkness, the holy spirit brings life and harmony and peace. In a way, clearing the clutter and letting things go, seems to mirror the creativity of God, and in the space there is opportunity for new beginnings and priorities, even a new way of living.

Our enviroment can make a big difference as to how we feel. If we have stuff everywhere, it can weigh us down and feel oppressive. Clearing, sorting, reorganising, letting go, can be liberating for our soul. With that vision to inspire, meanwhile I need to go through another box………..

Creator God, You have made the heavens and the earth, and they are a beautiful interweaving of light and shade, with geometric patterns of colour and form. We are in awe of You. Lord Jesus, forgive us for our greed, that we have too much stuff, that we covet things we do not need, and are weighed down by an excess of unnecessary objects. Grant us courage to let things go, even though it is painful. When things seem overwhelming, may we have the courage to ask for help. Enable us to be content with less, and more generous in our sharing with others. Holy Spirit help us let go of what we no longer need, and to create space where something new can be birthed. In Jesus’ name, Amen

Getting around in a car park!

There are some things in life that should be straightforward, but are just not! Getting in and out car parks is one of them.

Recently I inadvertently ended up in an underground car park. It was just the nearest and most visually obvious place to park. However once I entered, the first challenges began to emerge. They were doing some building work in the car park, so part of it was closed off, and the entrance now comprised a narrow route down involving a hairpin bend. The problem was once you were through the entrance, you were committed to going further. I had to reverse and realign a couple of times, helped by a cheerful man nearby who was stationed to help unsuspecting drivers struggling with the angles. It was just a bit stressful, to say the least! I ended up breathing in to get round some of the bends, which I know doesn’t make the car narrower, but psychologically seems to help.

Then when I got to the car park itself, the temporary route was against all the arrow signage, so it always appeared that I was going the wrong way. And there were hardly any parking spaces vacant, and the ones there were, were beside these enormous concrete pillars that take up half the space. You are trying to get into the space, without crashing into the pillar, or having the back of the car out in the exit lane, and not to be squint. It was like torture. I breathed deeply, took it slowly, and eventually parked, carried out my chores, and breathed an enormous sigh of relief when I eventually made it out into the light with myself and the car in one piece.

In comparison with the trial and tribulations that people face in life, this was a trivial problem. But it did remind me that God cares not just for the big dilemmas and heartbreaks, but also about the smaller details of our lives, and we can trust Him for it all.

I love psalm 31 where it says ‘ I trust in You God. I say ‘ You are my God, my times are in your hands’. Whatever is happening in our lives, good or bad, big or small, we can entrust them all.into the hands of God. What a relief. Hallelujah!

Gracious God, thank you that You are our Guide and Helper, in the big challenges in life, and in the small frustrations. Lord Jesus, we can trust in Your unfailing love, even when we are grumpy and out of sorts, when we are scared or overwhelmed. Thankyou. Help us to trust You in every moment of our lives. Holy Spirit, give us calmness and courage to do things that are take us out of our comfort zone, and to keep on going. In Jesus name, Amen